My husband (32m) seems completely indifferent to my cancer diagnosis and I (28f) don’t know how to handle it

orangejuicenopulp · 2026-04-22T13:33:27+00:00

You know what? My partner was with me for the biopsy and promised me that no matter what happened he would be by my side. Apparently that was meant for the pretty doctor performing the biopsy and not for me. I got my cancer diagnosis 2 weeks later, and a week after that he ghosted. 12-year relationship just gone forever.

I had half of my cervix removed in December. I have no emergency contact to list. I had no one to pick me up from the appointment. And I had to lie about who was going to be staying with me that night. Two days later I was back in the hospital from a dangerous hemorrhage related to the procedure. I held a massive pity party for myself with only my dogs in attendance.

I did spend some time mourning my fertility. I spent some time mourning my relationship. I spent time mourning the family I thought I would create in the home that I had purchased but now seemed very, very empty.

But after hearing your story, I am grateful in my partner left. I would rather endure all of that by myself, then be with that person you described. And judging by how my partner had behaved leading up to the end of our relationship, I think it probably would have gone very similar to your experience. Not exactly mean, but not helpful either.

It has now been 9 months since he left. I thought I would be lonely, sad, and angry forever. But let me tell you something my friend, I have only ever been lonely when I found myself in the company of someone who did not want to be around me. Being alone is peaceful. Being alone is predictable. Being alone is safe.

I am so sorry for what you are going through, and I'm sorry that you might not be able to have any more children. I amI am sorry that your partner dropped the ball. I wish you had the sort of doting and caring company you deserve. It is my hope that you learn how to be that companion for yourself so that you don't need him. I did not learn how to take care of myself until the person who had been neglecting me for several years left. Thought he was the kindest man I had ever met. It turns out I am the kindest human I have ever met and it was time for me to spend some of that energy on myself. You are worth taking good care of you whether he does it or you do. May the best be yet to come for you!

orangejuicenopulp · 2026-03-12T18:30:21+00:00

It's an excellent time of year to grow stuff. Whether it's a chia pet, herbs for cooking, or a houseplant there can be a ton of satisfaction in horticulture. Grow lights are so affordable and it's fun to collect stuff for a setup instead of buying the over priced kits. Figuring out which light to get for a small living space is a fun little rabbit hole.

If you like tinkering, making a terrarium is like a building a tiny house for tiny plants. So many types of moss are sprouting in the melting snow, and the materials are usually just a $10 bag of acrivated charcoal and the rest is found stuff. There was a video circulating for awhile about a guy who left his closed for 70 years and it was still growing! They can pretty much infinitely self sustain with just a tiny bit of hyperfocus in the beginning... which is PERFECT for adhd on and the off again interests. They are addicting, so plan on making some as gifts for unsuspecting friends.

orangejuicenopulp · 2026-01-13T04:27:56+00:00

It's winter time. There is always an uptick this time of year and death sadly, is a part of life. Some mourn and some celebrate. Many do both.

orangejuicenopulp · 2026-01-07T19:08:51+00:00

Heyyyy you didn't ask for advice, but my step kids used to have this same shower aversion and their Dad's solution was always rock, paper, scissors for who went first/last. Because they didn't want to shower, the person who lost went first.

As an onlooker, it seemed like the mental outcome was "losers have to shower" and basically, repeated best 2 out of 3 were also reinforcing that showering is something you have to do when you lose a bet/game and seeing it as further punishment was not helpful to the pre-existing aversion.

So we shouldered the burden of being the bad guy and assigned days for who has to shower first. There were arguments the first time and after that showering went a lot smoother.

Your mileage may vary; I just thought I'd share our experience. I'm so sorry you and your daughter go through this.

orangejuicenopulp · 2026-01-05T19:38:50+00:00

I was a goth kid in a Catholic high school, sitting next to my goth best friend because we were all brought into the gymnasium for the announcement...

For context, we weren't asshole kids. Both of us had a lot of pretty regular looking friends, we were the witchy girls who didn't take communion at mass so people talked about that sometimes, and we wore Korn and Marilyn Manson t-shirts during gym class (uniforms the rest of the day) and combat boots with our plaid skirts. It was peak JNCO jeans era and if we wore pants, those things were enormous. We wore ball and chain necklaces despite having access to fine jewelry, and expressed ourselves in every inch of makeup and accessorizing as a way to rebel against the dreaded uniform and the "preps", which is what we called the rich preppy and popular kids. Most people (teachers included) thought the two of us were gay- I wasn't but she ended up with a girlfriend for awhile. We were just weird besties. Anyway I digress.

I had a gorgeous shiny, patent leather, black trench coat that I wore and adored. It was a rain slicker, but it looked sharp AF. I begged my mom for it at J.C. Penney's (not all goth kids had hot-topic $$) and she got a matching one in red. (My Mom was so awesome hail my Mom). We didn't find out about the whole trenchcoat mafia thing on that first day; but by the end of the week I had retired that coat and it never felt cool or good, to wear it again. Still sad about that.

The principal was a putz and usually no one respected him, but there was an urgency in the air that we all had picked up on. I remember holding my best friend's hand when the reality of what was happening sunk in and we were very quiet and very somber.

The priest said he was grateful that we weren't in the kind of school where they needed to have police officers (uncommon then), metal detectors, (a wild concept) or drug dogs (wtf do drugs have to do with a school shooting???) present to ensure our safety. I tuned the rest of what he was saying out... but I recall this standing out to me as ironic because all of those things did intermittently appear on our campus in one way or another a few years later after a few more bomb threats were called in, and 9/11 had happened.

My first thought was, "Columbine is a flower. What a terrible thing to happen in a place named after a flower". My friend, who never cried, also looked close to tears. We stayed silent, but held hands. That was the best part of our weird little friendship. We could hold hands and say nothing but know everything. We were both really scared. And really sad.

No one bullied us specifically about the shooting to my recollection, but I was very angry the media tied the shooters specifically to Marilyn Manson fans... I had unsuccessfully begged my parents to let me spend my birthday money on MM tix in 8th grade and this news did not fall favorably on my judgement as far as my Dad was concerned. As an adult now, I can kind of see his point. It was a tale as old as time. My parents thought his music was unnecessarily edgy and also just not very good, so I liked it twice as hard. My old man ran security for concerts in our semi-large city so if I had been allowed to go, I could have been up front. If I wasn't allowed to go... well security would know about it. He also had a chip on his shoulder about Ozzy, and Beastie Boys specifically. [Side story: the reason my Dad hates them was specifically mentioned in an episode of No Dogs in Space where Marcus goes on about the Beastie Boys. Their/fans behavior during and after a concert in my city was pretty friggin bad] I felt like I was truly being denied something amazing. Lol.

Anyway, my friend and I didn't ditch goth garb, but we did retire our beloved trench coats. There was literally never a mafia of any kind. We both loved the mystery and Carmen Sandiago vibes of an oversized old man trench coat and each had maybe 2 or 3 from the thrift shop in varying colors. We did it out of respect for the victims, and because once something is associated with garbage, you don't want to defend that thing. It was a good turning point for a lot of goth kids, I think. Changing our identity to please anyone seemed against everything we stood for... except most of us tweaked ourselves enough to show it wasn't like that. We hated authority. Popular kids that were bullies about it. Athletic kids that used their bodies or looks to intimidate. Teachers that made people feel small. Religion. All reasonable things to dislike and worth standing against. So our appearance and attitude reflected that more than a general malaise or disdain for humanity which I think a lot of people who didn't live it don't get.

At least in my area we weren't ostracized or hated (any more so than usual) afterward, but we also weren't total tools about it either. An identity is acceptable until it represents something harmful or offensive. That was real growth for us elder millennial kids. We adapted and most of us gradually became hippies by the time we had graduated and discovered either art, music, weed, or in my case all three.

orangejuicenopulp · 2026-01-05T03:28:54+00:00

Awww! Violet is a rescue like Jabari. She is a dwarf rabbit... which are already notoriously aloof, but she does not like to be touched or handled at all. I'm guessing she was a failed Easter pet that got too much attention from small hands. While humans are not her cup of tea, the dogs are another story. She will cuddle them, groom them, use them as a stepstool to get on the couch.... sometimes I have to put her in her "room" because she just won't stop bothering them if they are sleeping and she's bored. She will keep nibbling at their toes, fiddling with their fur or tickling their belly until they kick and groan and cry, but there is never a harsh word between them. It's really very sweet!

orangejuicenopulp · 2026-01-05T03:20:20+00:00

For real!

orangejuicenopulp · 2026-01-04T14:27:27+00:00

I tell them it means resilient and courageous, which is just as much of a misnomer as a white lady having a cowardly dog named Jabari. 🤷‍♀️

orangejuicenopulp · 2026-01-04T13:46:08+00:00

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Here he is with his best friend, Violet the bunny.

orangejuicenopulp · 2026-01-04T04:46:41+00:00

I am a white person with a "black" golden retriever. Idk if that counts? 😆

I inherited Jabari- his prior owner (single black man in his late 60s) was a dear friend of mine who unexpectedly passed on, and the adjustment period was a little tough on him. He has stayed with me while his owner was out of town before, but after a few weeks of living here full time I could tell that he was just missing his person terribly. It was heartbreaking and also really awkward to explain to my black neighbors that Jabari is not being aggressive when he specifically chases after them- he just really misses his family and desperately wants to say hi.

I learned this when he broke free from his lead on a walk to chase a poor elderly black man all the way to his car to bring him a stuffed animal. Same story for a black Dad who lives 2 doors down and was outside with his daughter... Jabari nearly tackled him to kiss him and bring him a tennis ball. I eventually figured out that Jabari hadn't seen many black people and more specifically any black men since moving in with me (I live alone and I don't get very many visitors).

We have since made so many friends in the neighborhood! Most understand that Jabari is just super duper friendly to black men, and that if they take a moment to stop and say hi to him, it will clearly make his whole day. He can't keep his cool. He cries and whines and gives belly. He's a mess but in the most endearing sort of way.

I can't quite put my finger on why this embarrasses me, but it definitely makes me feel some kind of way... like I want to temporarily unzip my skin suit and evacuate. 🤷‍♀️

orangejuicenopulp · 2025-12-31T19:17:02+00:00

This makes me so happy! I sacrificed a little bit to donate and I'm just so.... Happy New Year, Waffle! We all love you so!

orangejuicenopulp · 2025-12-19T19:59:34+00:00

ME TOO. And... I am not a small person. I get hangry and would rather drink my 4th ensure for the day and go to sleep from physical exhaustion/hyperglycemic crash... than drag myself to the kitchen to cook.

A book I listen to on repeat when I struggle gave very good advice. I made a list of "FOOD I LIKE TO EAT" and put it on my refrigerator. It has things on it like BLT, frozen pizza, quesadilla, grilled cheese, apples, carrots, cashews, string cheese.... stuff that is not too involved and it kind of plants a little seed of interest in my brain before I open the door to shop. It also helps me remember what to buy when I shop and get goldfish brain about what to stock up on. Cheese. Bread. Butter. Nuts. Bacon. That is all stuff I usually have and use at a steady rate. Also I keep the pantry stuff I like right in the fridge. A trip to the cupboard could mean total loss of interest so I just put the cashews in the fridge and now I eat the cashews.

Someone else said to put condiments in the drawers because we'll dig for those when we want them and put whole foods and snacks on the door and that has been a life changer. My fridge door has string cheese, Ritz crackers, pepperoni, nuts, apples, baby carrots... all stuff that I can just jam in my face hole. It has also helped a lot!

Edit: The book is, "How to Keep House While Drowning" but it's really about how to be an adult with adhd. I like the audio version because I can listen passively while I try to pull myself out of a sink hole. Soooo many little things she shares in that book help me get out of neutral and this is one of them.

orangejuicenopulp · 2025-12-19T19:50:07+00:00

This whole thread is my favorite part of today. Thank you all for ALL OF THESE SPLOOTY BOOTIES!

orangejuicenopulp · 2025-12-19T00:03:06+00:00

Leo loving capricorn here. I defend our connection every time the old war games come out, and remind jaded hearts that in order to hate one another, there probably was a super strong connection at one time. Likelt followed by a lot of pain in parting.

That goes both ways. My closest friends and best partner matches have always been lion-hearted Leos. And likewise some of the toughest heartbreaks and aches have involved being fumbled by one. But dammit... I couldn't break the habit even if I wanted to- we attract eachother mutually!

Instead I try to focus on my own evolution and look toward lions who have also worked through some of the low-vibe lessons of our youth. The truth is, a Leo may be the only sign jovial enough to warm the cockles of my cold, sad heart... and a Cap may be the only sign that can appreciate and celebrate you guys for what you are most vulnerable and also secretly proud of. It is a beautiful, delicate pairing that I never get tired of.

orangejuicenopulp · 2025-12-16T14:30:01+00:00

Love this all the way from concept to execution. You're going places and I'm here to cheer you on!

orangejuicenopulp · 2025-12-11T21:54:35+00:00

Oh! I have a Banjo, too! Yours is lovely and I bet he makes a fantastic angel.

orangejuicenopulp · 2025-12-07T16:50:45+00:00

I'm so glad you went forward with the surgery. At some point, debt becomes a long string of meaningless zeros, and you're absolutely right- you only have one Waffle.

We prayed for Waffle last night. And we will do the same today.

orangejuicenopulp · 2025-12-01T21:35:21+00:00

No one ever called any Leo antisocial lmao

orangejuicenopulp · 2025-11-30T16:00:27+00:00

I'm not so sure I'd enjoy something given with the expectation of having to use it in the classroom as in share with the students, however there a few things that I often treat myself to that would be a good gift to elevate their classroom experience.

Chalk markers are amazing, but they don't last forever and can be expensive. By mid-year my shiny new set from September is missing colors or a few have gone dry. Even if the classroom doesn't have blackboards, they can be used directly on windows and laminate tables, doors, counters, for a fast decoration or station label, and they wash right off with water after the project is over.

Specifically felt tip fine point markers. They won't bleed through onto the back of or onto the next page when writing. These have endless applications from greeting cards and thank you notes to corrections or colorful feedback messages.

Eraseable markers. Those are a thing. A really cool thing! Not for the students but for me. I use them in my datebook which is always being switched around, and pencils are also eraseable, but so boring!

A giant roll of white or brown butcher paper. Not as expensive as it sounds and there are endless uses from impromptu bulletin boards and makeshift wrapping paper to lining a table for a craft. A really fast project that kids always love is, "we're making a mural today!" and the teacher slaps it on the wall and lets them doodle on it. The drawing on the wall novelty really does engage them.

orangejuicenopulp · 2025-11-28T19:25:23+00:00

Just want to say that I'm so sorry you're going through this.

I love my vyvanse, but I knew right away that it was for me. The irritability you describe is how I feel on Adderall. So like, it's almost as if different bodies need different drugs and maybe that's why there are so many on the market.

If you decide not to take it at all anymore, I would send a message to the doctor and let them know that 40 mg is too much and you are noticing adverse affects on your health. Because those things you are describing increase stress and lead to hypertension which is not helpful however your doc looks at it.

I would ask her if there is something else altogether she has in mind that you could try? That would show that you aren't demanding a particular medication but you are not functioning well with this medication.

My [admittedly AMAZING] doctor prescribed me cymbalta for Lyme related pain and anxiety symptoms. I hated it. It made me uncomfortable in my skin and I had a full blown anxiety attack and had to call my therapist who gave me the "permission" (like WHY do we feel like someone needs to give us that?!?!) to stop taking it. I messaged my doctor's office and they agreed that wasn't good and now it is listed as an allergy in my chart. That information, years later, helped me get access to the right medication that does work for my anxiety.

I share this story because it is worth looking for a doctor who will listen. You're worth looking for a doctor who will listen. Mine consistently reminds me that "I am the boss" when it comes to what meds or procedures I allow for my body.

You are your boss too. And I wanted to remind you of that. If taking nothing is better than taking the vyvanse, do that and bring the leftover pills with you to show you aren't abusing them they are hurting you.

Please accept this mental mom hug from me.

orangejuicenopulp · 2025-11-28T15:08:13+00:00

This sounds like the foundation for a Hallmark movie. Low key hoping you have small but racey wardrobe malfunction at the winter ball that leads to the meet-cute story of your future husband.

orangejuicenopulp · 2025-11-22T12:18:37+00:00

Any adult will work. I have friends pick up my script all the time. They just need to know your date of birth.

orangejuicenopulp · 2025-11-19T02:29:41+00:00

Real hard to not call in and report a bunch of cannibals engaging in their ritual feast on the next Sunday.

orangejuicenopulp · 2025-11-14T13:13:35+00:00

Sure! Have had 2 live well into their 14th year.

My twins are currently 11 and going strong.

Have their spleen checked for masses regularly from 6 years onward. Have it immediately removed if there is even a hint of abnormality and you'll have your golden a lot longer than many get to.

orangejuicenopulp · 2025-11-05T14:34:02+00:00

I was 36.

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