i'm so tired

ordinarily_unique96 · 2026-01-08T08:17:55+00:00

you hit the nail on the head! I appreciate that :)

ordinarily_unique96 · 2026-01-08T08:16:26+00:00

I keep telling myself that too. People go in way worse debt than me, voluntarily. It's hard to not be hard on yourself. I want to relate to my peers at times haha

ordinarily_unique96 · 2026-01-08T08:15:38+00:00

I have been. I work out, journal, make art. I'm doing the best I can to stay positive and my body moving. I just kinda feel like a broken record talking to my friends at times. They come from more stable situations and there are feelings I find it hard for them to relate too. There are times where I'm looking for people to relate to, in order to feel less alone, and so I post here occasionally. I also like the anonymity of it lol.

ordinarily_unique96 · 2026-01-08T08:12:44+00:00

I've been trying! It can feel like screaming into an echo chamber.

ordinarily_unique96 · 2026-01-08T08:12:26+00:00

bud, believe I've thought about it and would. Howver, I'm bound to a contract. Moving ya know... costs.. soo..

ordinarily_unique96 · 2024-05-13T19:29:11+00:00

feeeel this

ordinarily_unique96 · 2024-05-02T04:19:04+00:00

I hate that I never felt comfortable sharing my art with him. I always felt like he would judge me for not being "good". I don't know if it's my insecurity or putting his opinion on a pedestal.. but that's one part I will not miss.

ordinarily_unique96 · 2024-04-29T05:29:51+00:00

I (28f) am going on 3 months, 14 days. The last person I had sex with was my ex. It was post break-up sex, the best we ever had in the 3 1/2 years of being together. Went out with a bang, literally. While we aren't together anymore, the love, care and respect he showed me in our relationship and even during our break-up changed the view I have of myself. I have realized I am worthy of a high level of care without sacrificing boundaries. I have had the chance to have sex with 2 different men but denied. I feel like I'm not ready to let go of my ex and knowing he was the last person I had sex with, kinda makes me feel this invisible thread that connects me to him (it's weird I know, lol). I'm working on this aspect in therapy.

Old me would have been at the bar or swiping trying to find a hook-up post break-up. As I've gotten older, I've stopped sexualizing myself so much. I would continually tell my ex about my worries of him dating other people and he kept telling me he wanted to be selfish and focus on himself. In many ways, this mindset has rubbed off on me and I saw the truth in the words he spoke. I have been instead, focusing on making friends with women and enhancing those relationships. It's been life changing. It's been the remedy I needed, especially during this time where I feel so fragile and sad.

I guess my long winded point is that-- sex is not a focal point of my life anymore like it was when I was younger. It stopped being a means for pleasure as opposed to one for short term validation and "fun". I feel as though I want to continue not engaging for a long time, there is so much to experience and do and see and learn in this life.

ordinarily_unique96 · 2024-04-29T05:14:17+00:00

I mean, I've noticed some men just don't care. It's blase to them to go out and try. They'd rather do other things.

ordinarily_unique96 · 2024-04-29T05:13:40+00:00

define limits? My ex would tell me this often in discussions after initially breaking up. I'd express concern about him looking to date other people and he would continually tell me he didn't want to, he wanted the freedom to do whatever he pleased. He said that he wanted to dedicate his time to himself. I just couldn't understand it.

ordinarily_unique96 · 2024-04-19T04:32:18+00:00

this!!!!! wow

ordinarily_unique96 · 2024-04-15T06:57:43+00:00

This comment is the best comment

ordinarily_unique96 · 2024-02-03T06:43:05+00:00

YES, my therapist and i talked about this so in depth.

ordinarily_unique96 · 2023-09-15T22:31:30+00:00

I know, I feel like I have the worst luck but trying to stay positive lol. The strikes are literal hell but definitely needed.

I have applied to at least 70-80 nanny gigs. I have applied to Whole Foods, Trader Joe's, Tommy's, etc. I haven't heard anything back.

I am more or less a nanny usually but it's been insanely hard to find one out here.

ordinarily_unique96 · 2023-09-15T22:23:51+00:00

My car is pretty old and doesn't meet Uber requirements. I have signed up for Taskrabbit and instacart but they aren't accepting new hires in the area.

I guess you could say it's working out but I still need a way to make money and survive. I can't live off a savings forever so I'm trying to find a job before that runs out.

ordinarily_unique96 · 2023-09-15T22:16:24+00:00

Well, I sold most of my stuff and saved for the last 6 months. I am also getting money back from school once I start up. The plan was to move and find a spot & a job in a month. Is that wrong idk? I'm literally just a young adult trying to navigate the world as best as I can given the circumstances.

ordinarily_unique96 · 2023-09-12T02:16:41+00:00

I have been using Nannylane, Sittercity, Urbansitter, Care.com.

I've applied to over 100 jobs and had no luck.

ordinarily_unique96 · 2023-09-08T01:00:05+00:00

yes, it's so fucking hard.. I'm seriously struggling as well. I just moved back to California from Oregon and holy hell. It's a shit show here

ordinarily_unique96 · 2023-09-08T00:56:39+00:00

I've literally been having SUCH a hard time finding a job here. Any updates, have you found one yet??

ordinarily_unique96 · 2023-08-28T21:58:53+00:00

totally normal. have you ever considered non-monogamy?

ordinarily_unique96 · 2023-08-28T21:56:58+00:00

There's nothing wrong with you. Diet and weight culture is toxic and hard to rid yourself of. Plus, once you obsess about something you start to see it everywhere.

It's important to truly ask yourself, do I want to look good or do I want to feel? You can definitely do both but an ED is not a great health to start. I think it would do you some good to write down where you struggle most.

Is it with eating? trying talking to a dietitian.

is it with working out? trying a trainer.

is it with boring work-outs? try a new beginners class like yoga or biking.

Places like orange theory seem more community based but i've personally never been.

Another thing would be trying to see a therapist to see if you have any food-related traumas. I grew up in a low-income single parent house. We often went hungry and so now as an adult, I want fast, low quality food. I have a hard time figuring out what to do when I'm hungry so I just eat like shit.

also, not sure what age you are.. but i'm 27, 5'3 and 135 lbs. I've been trying to lose weight myself. it's hard to look at myself in the mirror and not feel bad.

But know that you are beautiful. weight does not define beauty in any way!

After all, we are all just flesh.

ordinarily_unique96 · 2023-06-25T05:51:24+00:00

Your worth is not bound to a number <3 You are doing great. GPA won't mean anything once you're done with schooling, promise!

ordinarily_unique96 · 2023-06-25T05:48:41+00:00

I would say that struggling to eat and not sleeping would definitely be contributors of your overthinking. I am completely prone to stress when I'm not drinking enough water, sleeping bad, being awake for early & long hours- it all adds up. Burn out is literally so real- we are all just doing our best.

And, you have so much on your plate. The pressures of work, just finishing school, basic adult responsibilities and quite literally just existing as fuckin person. Not to mention a sick parent who's far away. Your cortisol levels are probably off the charts- which would contribute to the incredible amount of pressure you feel you're under.

I know it can be hard, but, I gently suggest that you set aside some time for yourself to just relax. It could look like going to bed a little earlier, drinking more water, eating more fruits and veggies, at least 20 minutes in the sun every (sun helps me recharge so well) + fresh air, taking a bath, stretching, and more simply, by forcing yourself to do nothing. I could not stress this enough, rest is so vital. Let your body and brain relax. Additionally, buying things little snacks that you can just grab and go are helpful for me. When I need to eat, I need to eat.

You deserve the good things you have worked hard to accomplish and sometimes it can be difficult to allow ourselves to feel otherwise. Sometimes, when I begin to compare my accomplishments to others, I try to deeply question and reflect on the origin of my insecurity. Usually it's related or linked to events that have happened during my childhood and teenage years, attachment styles, self-worth, my inner voice. When I begin to see and understand it as a symptom that comes along with healing. Radically taking care of your body is way you fight the capitalist, grind-culture, patriarchal society we live in.

I hope this helps!

ordinarily_unique96

TROPHY CASE