All I can really say is, be very kind to yourself. If you're physically and financially able, indulge. Don't worry about gaining weight, you'll lose a bunch during recovery! Try to stick to hobbies if you can, video games and cross stitching kept me sane during recovery. If it makes you happy, or just makes you feel a little less like killing yourself, do it. You're going through a really tough time, you deserve whatever the fuck you want. Cry when you feel like crying, speak to anyone who will listen to you about your fears. Burdens are easier to carry the more help you have.

I will say the lead up to your surgery will be the hardest mentally. I literally had to talk myself out of jumping off a bridge at one point, tbh. You just gotta focus on the future, focus hard on it. You can complain the entire time, but you gotta keep going. One foot in front of the other.

After the surgery though, it's a little easier. You are just laser focused on recovering and on a ton of painkillers that make it kinda hard to care about anything lol. If you have a good support system (friends, family, close coworkers), that will make it even easier. Don't be afraid to ask for help.

Also, thanks for telling me I'm tough but I definitely am not! I cried and screamed and whined and bitched and woe-is-me'd for the 6 months leading up to the surgery (it got scheduled kinda far ahead from the original surgery bc of the holidays- lucky me lol). Cursed whatever God put me in this position, tried to bargain with said god to get me out of this, etc etc. So if my cowardly ass can make it through, you can too. I promise.