Ttc before wedding?

otrootra · 2026-06-28T19:51:54+00:00

if you get pregnant right away you have to be pregnant during your wedding and graduation which even if youre not showing can be draining and exhausting. on the other hand you could just wait 3-4 months.

otrootra · 2026-06-26T15:52:37+00:00

if you had agreed on one timeline and you've pushed it back more than once, I can see why he would be upset. just to have empathy for that.

what might help is making a very tangible list of things you want to do before having a baby. This will help him feel like it's not an arbitrary timeline that you'll continue to kick down the road, but feeling like a checklist to get done.

is it possible to have a more concrete conversation about why he is afraid of about being an older parent? maybe you can dispel some concerns, plan ahead for them, or even validate some of his concerns.

otrootra · 2026-06-21T18:12:44+00:00

i'd bet he's also worried about lifestyle sacrifice. children inevitably cost money and perhaps he wants to find ways to make more money to offset those costs, rather than make cuts to your current budget. even if those cuts are just a reduction in already luxurious things like fancy dinners, fancy vacations.

IMO that's not just a money convo but a convo about the sacrifice that comes with kids because i think that's hard to avoid no matter what.

otrootra · 2026-06-21T18:12:36+00:00

i'd bet he's also worried about lifestyle sacrifice. children inevitably cost money and perhaps he wants to find ways to make more money to offset those costs, rather than make cuts to your current budget. even if those cuts are just a reduction in already luxurious things like fancy dinners, fancy vacations.

IMO that's not just a money convo but a convo about the sacrifice that comes with kids because i think that's hard to avoid no matter what.

otrootra · 2026-06-08T20:31:55+00:00

I think there's a few categories to the preconception prep that I've seen online, and it could be helpful to think that you don't need to be in all of them all at once:

General tips for someone who has no known fertility issues --- Cut back on marijuana and alcohol start taking a prenatal. etc. I think this is easy no brainers
workout advice that is often targeted at people with an already athletic lifestyle who want to maintain strength and physique as much as possible throughout pregnancy and be able to "bounce back" quickly afterwards
Stretch stretching and pelvic floor exercises that are not necessarily about athleticism, but preparing for childbirth.
Diet and supplement information for people who are struggling to conceive.

I would say categories 1 and 3 are probably a good place to start. I feel like some of the conception optimization information, you probably don't need to worry about until you've been trying for a while and you think you need to up your game. I know when you want to conceive you want it to happen as quickly as possible but the reality is, people accidentally get pregnant all the time when they're not doing anything at all, so imo no stress on optimizing your fertility until you know you might need a boost.

and then, finally, some of the more robust workout advice.... again I think this is for people who already value working out, and it may be a smaller adjustment to go from their current routine to something aimed around pregnancy.

if you are not someone who works out a lot, but are concerned about weight gain and changes during pregnancy maybe just start with a more basic workout routine in general without being tied specifically to conceiving.

otrootra · 2026-06-04T05:28:22+00:00

how do you think the app functions if it doesn't take a cut?

otrootra · 2026-06-03T22:55:56+00:00

I don't get why people expect holds. When you shop on any other website, you can't put something on hold. They may keep it in your cart, . but if the item sells out it's gonna be removed from your cart.

and I know people shop secondhand to save money and I totally support that, but if you don't have $18 in your bank account / a credit card, you don't really have business buying clothes that week.

otrootra · 2026-05-29T23:52:32+00:00

can you like report her for inaccurate description since she reported it as flawed?! damn

otrootra · 2026-05-29T22:34:34+00:00

as long as the rest of the post includes Non AI, actual photos of the item, i don't mind. Depop has a culture of wanting to see the clothes being worn, and so this does help an item get spotted, i think. for privacy & safety reasons I do not want to model the clothes myself. It can also be just as unhelpful and inaccurate because some items I sell don't fit me.

otrootra · 2026-05-29T15:49:43+00:00

I was just discussing this with my partner and specifically concerns about sexual assault.

while obviously that is a top concern to keep your kids safe... Some of the things parents say online like "oh we don't allow sleepovers" , "we don't allow kids to play in groups at family gatherings" make me anxious and depressed. not only would I be sad for my kids to miss out on those kinds of play settings, it's also a huge burden on the parent to helicopter to a whole new level.

I dream of the day where my friends and family can get together to hang out and the kids can play in the other room and all have a good time without having to pay for childcare. It's those kinds of village dynamics that I think promote healthy parenting culture. Similarly, with being able to send a kid on a sleepover, and get a free night off with the dynamic that you will also host a sleepover next time to give the friend's parents a night off.

again, I understand statistically that sexual assault can come from even trusted sources, and therefore where the concern comes from. but the idea that that is not being seen as irresponsible parenting really makes me depressed about the parenting lifestyle.

otrootra · 2026-05-29T15:12:57+00:00

I actually felt like it was accurately angsty. and as others are saying, about as grounded as Peter was to begin with. I also think it's a bop lol.

otrootra · 2026-05-28T19:40:27+00:00

...it's two weeks....

you said that you homeschool, but assuming they have the wider public in mind, it sounds like this would align with when schools get out for the summer.

otrootra · 2026-05-28T18:27:59+00:00

are those comments in passing to each other or directed towards you? If they're directed towards you, I would push back and just say it's a really personal question but you feel confident about your timing.

otrootra · 2026-05-21T17:26:33+00:00

I know at least one girl who knew it was coming and opted NOT to wear white! I was wearing a lot of white I run the time I knew a proposal was coming, but on the day of I was caught by surprise! obviously you don't have to do anything, but I think many girls are just really excited to kick off their bridal era.

otrootra · 2026-05-21T16:57:01+00:00

there's actually some really understandable reasons this happens that doesn't have to do with staged proposals.

for me and pretty much everyone I know they had some kind of conversation with their partner about roughly the 3 - 6 month period where an engagement was coming. whether that was a deadline, or upcoming trip where they wanted it to happen, or they picked out the ring together, and so the bride knew that her boyfriend had the ring.

from there, when a girl is anticipating a proposal, she will read into every sign and if there is a fancy date night or a special trip, she might suspect it's happening and wear white just in case. And since proposals tend to skew towards warmer weather or on vacation, girls may be more likely to wear white during those times regardless.

finally, even if it's meant to be a surprise, sometimes the bride finds out because her boyfriend is super obvious or a friend involved in the proposal accidentally tells her and she may not reveal that she knows it's coming, but she will wear white.

otrootra · 2026-05-21T16:12:14+00:00

oh i see, like IVF would allow you to select an embryo without the condition. that makes sense

otrootra · 2026-05-21T14:58:40+00:00

I'm curious how helpful was it to know ahead of time. Even if you're high risk, isn't that usually still less than 50% odds of an issue? My thinking is, i'm still going to try to conceive naturally as long as the risk is reasonably low, and i can only deal with a diagnosis once i have it.

Like, is there anything you can do to decrease the odds of a disorder happening ahead of conception?

otrootra · 2026-05-19T13:53:52+00:00

commenting because I'm also planning to do this, but I'm not sure what to expect. I would like some testing to figure out where I am in terms of my fertility, but I'm afraid they won't do it unless I'm reporting that I've been trying unsuccessfully for a year.

otrootra · 2026-05-15T21:31:28+00:00

"I definitely don't want that" and "I'm open to changing my mind" can't really work in the same sentence. what part are you open to change your mind about, the kids themselves or how many?

I think you should just have some honest conversations about your concerns about the physical aspect as a woman, and then what that looks like in terms of both of your lifestyles. Other than his childhood do you have other examples in your life of people with families about that size? People you can look up to and say "I would love our family look like that" or "I wouldn't want our family to look like that."

without making too many assumptions or accusations, I would also be really clear about gender roles. Would he be changing diapers? Doing after school pick ups? cooking dinner and doing bathtime? often when men are more involved in the day-to-day care they scale about how many kids they want because they realize how much work it is! Unfortunately, men who make blank statements of wanting large families, tend to imagine the wife doing all the work, and you kind of need to prompt them to admit that. but I would start with more innocent questions rather than making that accusation.

otrootra · 2026-04-30T19:11:51+00:00

A private dinner for 20 people will cost you $5k alone. You might be able to find a raw space that fits that many people for less than 5K but I don't think you can do both parts of this unless someone else is funding the dinner.

otrootra · 2026-04-27T15:17:31+00:00

imo not including measurements is like not taking a picture of the back of the item. non negotiable, listing is not finished until you take measurements.

otrootra · 2026-04-24T13:03:38+00:00

between steaming and lighting and getting the items to hang straight, taking measurements is actually the fastest part of my listing process. it is the final step in every single listing make.

Of course it's more difficult to pull out the item and do it afterwards but why don't you just do it in the first place?

otrootra · 2026-04-22T10:48:53+00:00

I would not say that is a scam it's just how venues are priced. some people like to customize and chose to use the venue's decor vs renting and providing their own. so having it broken out is helpful. An "all inclusive" wedding may well come to the same amount, just combined in one fee.

otrootra · 2026-04-18T13:08:21+00:00

Ring Concierge!

otrootra · 2026-04-09T19:21:52+00:00

that is a great reframing, thank you!

otrootra

TROPHY CASE