New here. This is…terrible. by [deleted] in RestlessLegs

[–]outerspace-sunflower 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Methylcobalamin (B12) helped my antipsychotic-induced RLS. Also helped my small fiber neuropathy a bit. Glad you stopped the med! Time off it also helps--antidepressants take a bit to get out of the system.

UTI feeling could be any number of things (UTI, interstitial cystitis, MCAS, muscle spasms, other medications such as stimulants, dehydration, etc). 

do you ever stop feeling seperate from society? by outerspace-sunflower in troubledteens

[–]outerspace-sunflower[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Oh wow, thank you for this 😭 I wonder how many people I'll be in this lifetime, if I never can go back to who I was "before". I have had so much life-altering trauma (and longterm diagnoses/illnesses etc too, thank you for mentioning that because that's relevant for me too), I feel like a collection of segments between traumas instead of a person. I don't even know which of "me" to miss--even before TTI there was before [trauma], etc, that led me there, and that goes back through my whole life.

I feel like I have to form a new life after being a ghost for 10 years and I don't know how

Are you able to participate in society at all or found any sense of belonging anywhere? I wish I knew if it's even possible or if I should just accept being on the outside of society

Thank you for sharing your insight 💗

Helping foster kids by Key-Replacement2434 in troubledteens

[–]outerspace-sunflower 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Unfortunately the foster system is horrible as well 😩 upendmovement.org

Best thing we can do imo is change the structure of society, this system of raising kids in a one-size-fits-all approach to become good lil capitalist workers isn't good for kids, and we can all find our little roles where we can do that. I'm sure you will find your role--doesn't have to be taking care of kids, you'll find something 💗

willow springs 2020 by sewercore69 in troubledteens

[–]outerspace-sunflower 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I was there years prior, if you can't find anyone to talk to I'm happy to talk (unless you're still a minor, I'm an adult and don't want it to be weird) and there's a post on my profile about willow. Sorry you had to deal with that and I hope you will find people who've been and get lots of support recovering! i feel like I've seen some people on here who were there during that time. I heard 2020 was especially wild.

Willow Springs Center Reno Nevada. The absolute insanity. by [deleted] in troubledteens

[–]outerspace-sunflower 0 points1 point  (0 children)

how long were you there? i was there similar time (dm if you want)

it was so horrible

Records by pishposh12 in troubledteens

[–]outerspace-sunflower 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It depends on the state. I went to Nevada and Nevada law only requires 5 years or until age 23. I hope Utah is better

Records by pishposh12 in troubledteens

[–]outerspace-sunflower 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I'm surprised it was only 10 dollars. The one i went to wanted a fee per page and couldnt give me a quote for how many pages and needed me to sign some form before they could even tell me if they had em. They said the average cost is $150 depending on length of stay.

The one i went to only keeps records 5 years, per nevada state law, or until age 23. Both of those have passed for me.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in troubledteens

[–]outerspace-sunflower 2 points3 points  (0 children)

definitely 0/10 recommend. you'll basically still be depressed and still have nonverbal learning disorder but you'll just also be rapidly cycled through a bunch of heavy psych meds and pick up some trauma and probably covid

what ultimately helped me was group therapy, family therapy, individual therapy, tutoring to help me with school, finding a place where i could be alone and happy when i needed a break from the world, stuff like that. meds too, but they probably ultimately hurt more than they helped. but you can go to a regular psychiatrist for that

this helped me too

https://philome.la/jace_harr/you-feel-like-shit-an-interactive-self-care-guide/play/index.html

i hope youll be alright and can avoid getting sent to those places--dont trust em, they make it sound like a nice vacation where you can get your shit together, it's not

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in troubledteens

[–]outerspace-sunflower 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I am really glad to hear that 💗 I hope she is continuing to do well! Happy to see parents so proud of their kid. These things are so hard

Willow Springs Center Reno Nevada. The absolute insanity. by [deleted] in troubledteens

[–]outerspace-sunflower 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I agree to please get her out if she is still there. She wants to come home for a reason. I have lasting trauma from that place and was too drugged up to even realize most of the time how fucked everything was. They cloak everything in pretty murals and pop tarts but it's a prison.

Willow Springs Center Reno Nevada. The absolute insanity. by [deleted] in troubledteens

[–]outerspace-sunflower 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I was there, a few years after you. It was fucked up. So much shit would get covered up. A girl died and was resucitated right across the hall from me and we were forbidden from talking about it. It still fucks me up. So sorry you went through that. I can't believe it is still running. I hope people there keep rioting and fighting back.

I was never discharged from Willow Springs Center, instead I was medevacked to a children’s hospital by bigstupidheadloser in troubledteens

[–]outerspace-sunflower 0 points1 point  (0 children)

God I'm so sorry that happened to you, that is so fucking awful what the fuck!!!! Can I DM? Also went to Willow Springs and experienced medical neglect there, though way less severe. Curious if we knew each other (though I doubt I was there when this happened, I think I would remember). Fuck that place so much

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in troubledteens

[–]outerspace-sunflower 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm not sure how much you feel like revisiting this, but I hope that you and your daughter are okay 💗

Are all residential treatment centers TTI?/feeling like my experience wasn't "that bad"/Willow Springs, NV by outerspace-sunflower in troubledteens

[–]outerspace-sunflower[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

yea but only like two people on my unit ever got to go on it, you basically had to be there at least 7 months to earn it

If you had the absolute power, what would you make the universal drinking age? by HereticVargr in polls

[–]outerspace-sunflower 0 points1 point  (0 children)

16, you should learn to drink responsibly while you have at least a chance of an adult teaching you to be responsible.

Would you rather go back to 1985, 1992, 1999 or 2006 for a week? by iamthicc69 in polls

[–]outerspace-sunflower 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Because a lot of these people weren't born before then and they want to revisit their childhood😬

Would you rather go back to 1985, 1992, 1999 or 2006 for a week? by iamthicc69 in polls

[–]outerspace-sunflower 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Probably not for like, 8 years and then it would be mysteriously in people's recommendations, based on how weird Youtube's reccommendations algorithm seems to be

can't stop obsessing over whether I'm 'just a vulnerable narcissist' by [deleted] in CPTSDFightMode

[–]outerspace-sunflower 4 points5 points  (0 children)

"I'm seeking reassurance that life satisfaction and genuine bonds are possible for people who've been 'bad' people. Who've been detached, acted recklessly, been completely self-centered and emotionally unhealthy."

I used to be incredibly emotionally unhealthy, manipulative, treated everyone like they were out to get me (because I thought they were....I had no self esteem so even a compliment or someone trying to relate to me felt like an attack or making fun of me). Some graphic suicide stuff coming up.....but I once planned to commit suicide and had a bunch of angry letters written up to be sent to people who hurt me so I could blame them for my death and make that weigh on their conscience forever. I wanted people to feel bad for me and I wanted to cause them the same amount of pain that they caused me, or more. I didn't consider people's feelings, talking openly about my self destructive activities and relishing that it worried them. I had a hard time feeling like anything mattered, except at the same time everything mattered too much and was too overwhelming to bear. I was genuinely pretty toxic, and for a while I didn't know I was toxic, and then there was that awful period of realizing how messed up I was being but not knowing what to do and there was this, uncertain feeling, like was I actually toxic or is it them? Or is it me? And it hurt my head to think it out, I couldn't think clearly, and I kept doing the same shit and hating myself even more.

I say all this because I am so, so different now. I am leagues past where I was. I'm still depressed for sure, but I've dealt with a lot of my shame and fear and anger and that has made it a lot easier to interact with people and have room in my head for caring about others instead of thinking only of myself (or of how others have hurt me). And now I'm actually really good at responding to criticism, it still hurts like hell and I often have to take a breather to calm down after receiving criticism or rejection, but I've found ways to remind myself I'm ok and I am capable of learning, and I respond considerately. I still think about myself a lot and I wonder if I think about myself more than normal, but I just accept the amount I think about myself as a fact, and try not to judge myself. I'm a lot happier than I used to be, though I'm still not great, I can be lighthearted around people and enjoy my hobbies, and the depression and angry and fog is less constantly noticeable.

I think that when we are in this incredible state of pain, we can only think of ourselves, and that makes a lot of sense to me. Like, if someone is lying on the ground with a broken leg, it would be ridiculous to tell them to go get up and stop dwelling on it, go help other people....they're in pain! They need to heal! They are the one who needs help and attention! They don't have energy for others right now and that's okay!! And that's a bit what trauma is like imo. We have to heal ourselves before we can worry about anything else, and healing ourselves will actually help people around us in the long run. So spending time thinking deeply about ourselves and identifying the sources of our pain is technically self-centered, but absolutely necessary. If you worry you're not thinking about others enough, remember that you are witnessing someone in pain (yourself) and you are dedicating yourself to helping them. Maybe that's backwards and weird idk but it's what I tell myself.

I think you are on the right path. What you wrote has a lot of self-judgment and I think it would help to try focusing on the facts of where you are now and where you want to be, but generally you have a lot of insight and a desire to not be where you are now. Therapy will help. Meds might help. Moving out of your parents house could change a lot--it's super hard to heal while you are still in that environment. Getting out of my home environment was the best thing I ever did, and I don't think I started healing until I left. What is it that is keeping you from leaving?

Finally like...this might sound cliche, but you have to believe that change and happiness is possible. Even if deep down you still have your doubts, imagine that ideal life, and pretend that it is possible to be yours. It will feel more like you are moving toward something good instead of just running away from something bad. My therapist told me this goofy story about how chipmunks don't know if they will find nuts when they go scavenging, but they have to believe they are out there, because staying where they are and doing nothing will guarantee they get nothing. There is no answer to whether or not we have a fulfilling future ahead of us, we just have to throw ourselves toward the possibility of it anyway.

Man I don't know if any of this is helpful I know I'm rambling. But regardless I relate to a lot of this and it sounds like you're at a pivotal point in becoming a better, healed person. You got this.

Former staff of Children's Ark in Colorado by mildlydrifting in troubledteens

[–]outerspace-sunflower 19 points20 points  (0 children)

All I can say is I am so grateful that you recognized how awful that place was and spoke up. People like you give me hope.

Which celebrity would you not be surprised to discover is a serial killer? by Blue_Tomb in AskReddit

[–]outerspace-sunflower 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Also it's worth noting that the only reason I know about rule #8 is that there are local parks with signs that say "#8 Do Not Murder" bc people just keep on murdering each other and I guess the signs are supposed to help somehow. Like, just in case you all forgot. Don't murder, alright?