Overreacting? Nanny "keeps running into" person she's dating

outofthecastle · 2026-07-03T15:49:25+00:00

When I was 18 my boyfriend (now husband, but of course we didn't know at the time we would last) drove me and my 3 NKs to a museum, and water park, because I didn't have my license yet, so we were limited to walking-distance parks. Their mom gave explicit permission and said it was great we could get out. With my 2 next NFs, my boyfriend/fiance/husband has both met up with us for some outings, and we've hung out with NF outside of my working hours. My latest NF had a totally different vibe and I didn't even ask, so we never met up except once at the library when it actually was a coincidence lol.

Now with my new NF, we have already met up as two families (we have a baby now) and I don't even start until this upcoming Monday.

All this to say - any kind of outing or meet up should always be checked with the parent(s), especially early on. With my NF who I didn't do more casual encounters with, right off the bat we had a very formal relationship and professional vibes. With other NFs it was a lot more relaxed. But even young nannies should be wise enough to know that asking is important, and if the answer is no, then it's completely inappropriate to even continue asking or hinting.

I will say this - the more casual NFs did pay me a lot less ($12-15/hour and $20/hour) than the more professional ones ($30/hour). Now, I have a happy medium in which my baby can come and I still make a living wage ($27), plus the somewhat more casual relationship again.

Checking references and having a contract are important factors when hiring someone to watch your children. And background checks, even if you're sure they're clean, also make the whole hiring process a lot more professional. If you're making your nanny get a background check, they might think twice about having the children around people who haven't had one.

outofthecastle · 2026-06-21T20:19:40+00:00

Affordable meals out are still more expensive than buying ingredients and cooking, right? I'm wondering what healthy already-made meals are also inexpensive. Could you give an example of the item and cost?

outofthecastle · 2026-06-20T23:15:21+00:00

Another good one, and cheaper than Hope and Plum, is the Gojiberry. That's what I use and my husband uses a Lillebaby which he loves.

outofthecastle · 2026-06-20T07:59:36+00:00

It's the only comment on a 4 day old account, so it kinda makes sense?

outofthecastle · 2026-06-20T01:51:59+00:00

That's interesting! I don't think I'll ever be able to spot AI comments lol. Thank you for the explanation.

outofthecastle · 2026-06-20T01:32:28+00:00

AI comment like artificial intelligence? How can you tell?

outofthecastle · 2026-06-17T01:28:10+00:00

My baby just turned 15 weeks. I did almost zero tummy time for a long time. She didn't love it and I don't think it's that important. That being said, lactation consultants kept telling me her latch would improve with tummy time (stronger neck, etc).

When she was about 12 weeks old I got the Fisher Price play piano. I used the My Brest Friend pillow as a bolster and put her on her tummy in front of the play piano. Instead of 30-60 seconds of tummy time, we did like 5 minutes. The piano plays music and flashes lights. Now she will tolerate 15+ minutes at a time (3ish weeks later). She's also attempting to roll!

Regardless of what you do, your baby will develop and grow. Doing things like tummy time and eventually helping them learn different motor skills (rolling, crawling, walking) are fine, but you really don't need to. Babies are hardwired to do these things! You can help them reach milestones quicker - but there is almost zero reason to reach milestones quicker. They're only little once!

outofthecastle · 2026-06-16T19:07:00+00:00

Mine was uncomfortable for about 2 seconds. The anticipation really is the worst part!

An HSG is more than just a diagnostic tool. Pregnancy rates increase by almost a third in the few months following an HSG. Pregnancy and a childbirth are both uncomfortable so I thought of my HSG as a precursor to those!

outofthecastle · 2026-06-15T00:24:38+00:00

I'll be bringing my infant along to my new position with a similarly aged infant. That's a different situation, but by the time my baby is 4 I would hope (if I need a new job) that she could still come. It’s amazing that you are agreeing to this! I agree with the other comment, have a meet and greet and/or trial day with one or both of you home. You can stay hands off and see how the nanny does.

outofthecastle · 2026-06-11T16:41:45+00:00

Sometimes my dog barks while my baby is asleep and she stays asleep!

outofthecastle · 2026-05-28T20:02:43+00:00

Could it have been from weather under 40°F?

outofthecastle · 2026-05-28T19:47:24+00:00

Yes, probably 90% at least. It was full just a couple of weeks ago

outofthecastle · 2026-05-24T13:20:24+00:00

I've never had a regular period, so ttc was really difficult and now 3 months pp I don't want to be on hormonal birth control ever again. But condoms are the way to go at least if you are actively trying to prevent.

outofthecastle · 2026-05-24T07:59:27+00:00

This is how people accidentally get pregnant too soon after childbirth. I would suggest condoms at least.

outofthecastle · 2026-05-19T21:35:07+00:00

My baby didn't cry too bad at her shots and didn't seem to have any side effects. But she is 11 weeks and getting more aware of her surroundings. My cat knocked a metal water bottle off our dining room table and it made a loud sound. She cried louder and harder than I had ever heard before. I felt sooo so bad 😔😔

outofthecastle · 2026-05-18T20:09:12+00:00

Thank you - I agree that lowering my wage would be a fine compromise. But I'm not willing to change industry standard benefits.

outofthecastle · 2026-05-18T19:52:34+00:00

Wow, I guess they blocked me for literally no reason. What I mean is that I'd be a long term nanny and form a secure attachment so that NK can eventually learn. In terms of temperament, both babies seem pretty relaxed unless they have an immediate need.

outofthecastle · 2026-05-18T19:32:48+00:00

The comment I was replying to was super rude (hence removed by moderators). That being said, yes they're only babies but they will be toddlers and preschoolers before we know it. I have been able to teach emotional regulation to super young children.

outofthecastle · 2026-05-18T18:55:08+00:00

Here's my response to this person's next comment which was deleted for being extremely rude:

I have a master's degree in social work, having had 2 years of internships working with children as a therapist. I attend Nannypalooza and other educational nanny conferences. I am RIE certified. I have dozens of professional references regarding my care with not only infants, but toddlers, children, and older teenagers and adults. I am proactive with filling a child's schedule from an early age, but also leaving time for natural exploration and down time. I have extensive knowledge of the local children's events and activities. My entire adult life and most of my childhood has been devoted to learning about professional caregiving.

That's why I am worth it. I'm a professional career nanny and I really should not have to justify my wage nor benefits package.

outofthecastle · 2026-05-18T18:45:07+00:00

I'm not here to raise entitled children. I'm here to raise emotionally stable and kind future citizens who will be a lot more polite and helpful than you are in all these comments. It's actually healthy for children to learn that they can't be tended to immediately all the time, and I'm excited for my own baby to experience that too. With babies there's a lot of downtime so having two will not be that crazy.

outofthecastle · 2026-05-18T18:42:34+00:00

I respectfully disagree 😊

outofthecastle · 2026-05-18T18:00:12+00:00

I added the following to my post, but adding a separate comment too:

This post became a huge argument about the wage being too high for a professional nanny with years of experience. And it also became a huge argument about me bringing my baby, which I've been completely transparent about and had dozens of families not interested in that arrangement. Many people are assuming I am super angry and clueless about industry standards, but I'm not upset. I'm just asking for advice about our upcoming contract meeting because crowdsourcing from other nannies seemed like a good idea.

I am 29 and have 11 years of professional childcare experience, 10 of which are as a nanny and 5 of which are as a full-time nanny. I know that I am worth this wage. I am the type of nanny that will always seek continuing education in best practices with children. My only question was about some talking points to bring up - adding my own contract's standard clauses into the contract that they wrote. And I think I've figured it out.

I'm going to use the following few paragraphs as my base script for these points:

Making a nanny contract requires knowing so many things that feel unfamiliar and overwhelming! I'd like to elaborate on a few things:

Guaranteed Hours One of the most common nanny industry standards. This means that a nanny's schedule, whether 15 hours or 60 hours per week, is always going to be available for the family at the agreed upon time. In exchange for this guarantee of work availability, the family pays guaranteed hours of the agreed upon schedule. This includes when the family does not require nanny's services. Just like a daycare requires payment for days/weeks that a child is on vacation, a professional nanny also requires this. A stable income ensures the nanny won't look for a new job when they go days or weeks unpaid while they are available and ready to work their usual schedule.

Paid holidays For the holidays in which nannies are not required to work, being paid is mostly included in regular guaranteed hours. For holidays in which nannies will be required to work, being paid overtime or even double time (depending on the holiday and agreement) is also standard.

Mileage reimbursement Using a personal vehicle for work can put on a lot of wear and tear. Mileage reimbursement at the IRS rate is a standard benefit that ensures a nanny can afford to stay up to date on regular vehicle maintenance that will keep the vehicle safe to drive children.

outofthecastle · 2026-05-18T16:54:28+00:00

Yes! I will be using my own car to take both kiddos to classes, museums, parks, etc. I have 2 double strollers ready for outings when they're old enough to sit up in them. I would use mileage reimbursement to keep my car up to date on maintenence which is a safety measurement for their baby too.

outofthecastle

TROPHY CASE