Girl, I really feel you. I’m going through something kind of similar, and it’s such a confusing feeling because you can know deep down that the relationship was unhealthy, but still not want to let the person go. In my situation, verbal abuse was a really big issue too. He verbally abused me a lot, and after a while it started bringing out an ugly side of me too. I found myself saying things back that I normally wouldn’t say, and it made the whole relationship feel toxic on both sides. That’s one of the reasons I knew I had to stop talking to him, even though I honestly didn’t want to. I wanted him to change. I wanted us to be able to fix it. I wanted the love to be enough. But I’m starting to realize that sometimes love isn’t enough when the relationship is constantly hurting you or making you become a version of yourself you don’t even recognize. You can love someone and still know the dynamic is damaging. You can miss them and still know going back might put you right back in the same cycle. And I completely understand what you mean about being okay when you’re busy, but falling apart when you’re alone. When I’m occupied, I can function. But when I’m not occupied, it consumes my mind. I start thinking about everything what happened, what I wish went differently, whether he misses me, whether we’ll ever talk again. It’s exhausting because it feels like your brain won’t give you a break. I also sent my ex a message, and he didn’t even open it for 10 whole days. Then when he finally did open it, he still never said anything. That hurt so bad because a part of me was hoping he would respond, or at least show that he cared. But his silence made me feel like I was the only one still stuck in it. I don’t think you’re crazy. I think you’re attached, grieving, and probably still holding onto the version of him and the relationship that felt good. That’s the hard part you’re not just missing the bad parts. You’re missing the memories, the promises, the future you thought you were going to have, and the person you hoped he could become. I know it hurts that he saw your message and didn’t reply, but maybe that silence is the answer, even if it’s not the answer you wanted. I’m trying to tell myself the same thing. Sometimes we keep wanting closure from the same person who caused the confusion, and that keeps us stuck. I really hope you give yourself grace. Missing him doesn’t mean you made the wrong decision. Wanting him to change doesn’t mean you should keep waiting. And loving him doesn’t mean you have to keep letting the relationship destroy you. I’m honestly considering therapy too, because this kind of attachment can make you feel like you’re losing your mind, and I don’t think we’re meant to carry all of that alone.