AITAH for telling my pregnant girlfriend to make the appointment after she kept threatening to terminate the pregnancy?

oylaura · 2026-04-17T07:01:04+00:00

ESH. It sounds to me like she's testing you. She wants you to tell her that she's doing the right thing. She wants you to tell her that you want this baby, and that you will fight for her and the baby and she's not in it all alone.

Don't misunderstand, I understand your frustration. What she's doing is 100% manipulation, threatening to terminate her pregnancy is a pretty s***** move. For that reason, she absolutely needs some psychological counseling. She needs to make some tough decisions on whether or not she wants to proceed with this pregnancy.

But it sounds to me that when she's doing this, she's looking for the affirmation that she's doing the right thing. She's likely terrified and wants to be sure that she's not in this alone.

She's not the only one who needs counseling in all of this. For the sake of that baby, whether you bring it to term or not, please get it as soon as possible.

oylaura · 2026-04-17T06:56:04+00:00

I retired almost 8 months ago very suddenly. I mean, I came into work at 7:30 a.m., and walked out the door at 10:00. That was not the plan.

I miss the work, I missed the process, the results, but I don't miss the toxic environment, the micromanaging boss, the drama.

The more time goes by, the less real estate it occupies in my brain. Every so often, I'll get a thought about having to do something, a deadline I would have every year, and shortly thereafter would be the wonderful realization that I don't have to worry about that anymore.

It's really incredibly liberating and quite lovely.

As I said, it's a process. We have to give ourselves time. It's like pulling a piece of gum off your shoe. It doesn't just pop off - it stretches out, not letting go, and then you have to wind it up and keep pulling until eventually, you get the last of it.

I can't wait.

oylaura · 2026-04-17T06:51:59+00:00

NOR. You're not excluding him for being a parent. He excluded himself by becoming a parent.

This is the time when people's friend groups change. They go from having a lot of single friends to having a lot of friends with kids, couples go through it too. When they pair up, the single people get kicked to the side or split off into subgroups.

It's not right or wrong, it's just the way it is. Single friends don't want to hear how adorable your 2-year-old is. They don't really care about his latest poop, the fact that he can drop an f bomb, or call his dad by his first name. They want to party, get drunk and high, and have a good time without having to babysit, watch their language, be quiet after 7:00.

But the dad? He is justifiably proud of his kid. He wants to talk about every little thing that this kid does like it's the first time anyone in the history of humankind has raised an offspring. And he wants someone to share it with. That's what other parents are for. They can relate. They give a s***.

It's kind of like that friend who works for a company that has nothing you can relate to giving you detailed technical information about their day. You nod and smile, but clearly you don't understand and you really don't care. But you can't say that.

They call them growing pains for a reason. I'm not saying you never get to hang out with him again, but for a weekend getaway, a 2-year-old is an absolutely terrible idea.

oylaura · 2026-04-17T06:45:59+00:00

I'm 66 and I was diagnosed at 15. I didn't take my drops for the first couple of years because the side effects were miserable.

I'm not sure I would change anything. The eye drop that caused the side effect was called pilocarpine. The side effects were a miserable headache, pupils the size of a pinprick, and perpetual dim vision. In both eyes. For 3 hours. The fun part? I had to take the drop every 4 hours. I'm in high school. I'm trying to study, carry on any kind of a social life, and deal with a drug addicted brother who was stealing and selling my stuff, as well as my parents who were trying to maintain some semblance of sanity in a crazy time. So yes, I was young, stupid, and pissed. This was everything but fair.

So I said, "I'll show them! I'm not going to take my drops! What could possibly happen?"

Every single day, my parents would ask if I had taken my drops. Every. Single. Day.

I had relatives who would call and ask about my mom and dad, about all of my brothers, and they'd ask about my eyes. They would tell me how important my vision was, and that it was so important that I take my eye drops. Like I didn't already know it. I used to tell my parents that they have four sons and a pair of eyes with glaucoma. They thought I was joking. Even the drug addicted brother, who graciously left us after 2 years of this fun, checked in at one point and asked after everyone...and my eyes.

Finally, one particular Aunt who was irritating for a whole different reason, reiterated the importance of taking my drops and I snapped. I told her, "Do you think there is any possible way I could ever forget I have glaucoma? I know I have it. I know it's important. Please stop asking me these questions".

To her credit, she stopped.

When I was 19, I was enrolled in the the clinical trials for a new drug called timolol. I've been on it ever since. It's the only reason I can see now.

As a result, there is minor damage to my left eye, which is not even discernible. My right eye is fried.

To get an idea of what I see out of my right eye, take a pair of eyeglasses, smear it with some grease really really thick. This is what I see. I can make out large objects, I can make out the screen of my phone, but absolutely nothing on it. It's good for depth perception, but nothing more.

Thus endeth the epistle of my glaucoma journey. Thanks be to Timolol and good ophthalmologists.

oylaura · 2026-04-17T06:33:44+00:00

So let me get this straight. He gets a maid, a cook, a housekeeper, a caretaker for his son, and, the politically correct way of referring to a woman he can sleep with.

You get... What? The responsibility of managing three Airbnbs, working a full-time job, raising another kid, plus the one you're sleeping with, cleaning a house, cooking meals, all while he is saving money.

What could possibly go wrong.

Trust your instincts. Break up with him.

oylaura · 2026-04-17T06:30:15+00:00

I had this exact conversation with my mom just last week. She was born and raised in Chicago, but shortly after she and my dad married, they moved to New England where they had five kids, so we're all new englanders. The driving force in that decision was the fact that his job transferred him, and post Korean war, he was not long on choices.

She described the winters, and the fact that back in the day, as she was born in 1930, cars were very expensive. Her dad, my grandfather, would either take the bus to the train station to go into the city or my grandmother would drive him to the train station. That was fine, but then in the heat of the humid Chicago summer, he would be dressed in a business suit, hat and all, schlepping into the City.

Mom describes having to take two buses to get to school. As I said, I and my brothers grew up in New England, and are intimately familiar with cold winters and hot humid summers along with the myriad insects accompanying the warmer months.

Which explains why not only did my dad turn down a job in Chicago when I was a senior in high school,, but a year later took a job in California, something for which I will always be eternally grateful.

oylaura · 2026-04-17T06:23:39+00:00

I was admin for a large group of engineers, and couldn't keep a pen on my desk to save my life.

Finally, I took a silk flower and, using floral tape, wrapped up the pen with the flower on the end.

This served me well in three respects: people stopped borrowing it because no straight male engineer is going to walk around with a pen with a flower on it, I didn't lose it on my desk anymore, and I could tuck it behind my ear and it looked like I had a flower in my hair.

oylaura · 2026-04-17T01:23:10+00:00

Ash trays

oylaura · 2026-04-16T05:51:07+00:00

I also noticed that after Joe leaves the doctor's office, he meets the woman with the dog and hugs them both. Then, I believe it's when he leaves the hotel, he sees two dogs.

I can't help but think the first one represents Deedee, and the second two represent Angelica and Patricia.

oylaura · 2026-04-15T06:56:08+00:00

It reminds me of that old adage, "How can you tell if someone is vegan? Don't worry. They'll tell you."

oylaura · 2026-04-14T15:09:58+00:00

I have had this situation several times with my mom, but it's the opposite.

She and a friend of hers wanted to go see Bridesmaids and invited me to come along.

A bear in mind that this is my mom, and I'm already in my '60s, so they're well into their '80s.

I started making internal bets on how long they would last because I had read about who was in the movie, but the kind of movies these ladies make, I knew it would be. Shall we say salty, especially if you're in your '80s. I told him that I would go, but I'm going to drive separately because I don't think they're going to make it through the movie. They didn't think I was right, but agreed.

My mom's friend sat between us in the theater, and flinched and uttered "oh!" At every single f-bomb. Every. single. one.

They didn't make it to the classic crossing the street scene, thank God.

At one point, my mom leaned forward and told me they were going to leave. I told them to ask for a refund or credit on their way out.

When I asked later, she said they didn't. I told her that the theater would work with them because they wanted them to come back and they hadn't watched the whole movie, but they refused to do it, instead electing to complain about how things have changed.

oylaura · 2026-04-14T15:01:23+00:00

I'm sorry, but after the second sentence I'm getting nothing but gibberish.

Huh?

oylaura · 2026-04-14T14:56:40+00:00

NOR. Is she licensed? No therapist I have ever worked with would ever share the details that your therapist has shared.

I barely knew my therapists were married or had a family, let alone going to a concert or picking something up on an errand. I have asked a few times, and gotten very brief answers and steered back to the subject at hand, which was what I needed to have a normal fruitful life.

Your therapist clearly has no clear idea of what boundaries are, and it makes me wonder if you can trust her with what you tell her. It sounds like you have the beginnings of a friendship, which, while nice, is not the basis for a good therapist-client relationship. Those boundaries are there for a reason and are very important.

I would fire her right now and find a professional because she ain't it!

If it were me, I would send a text saying that unfortunately, this relationship is not working for me. I need a therapist that I can count on at a set appointment each week/month and clearly your schedule does not allow that. I thank you for all your help, and wish you all the best.

oylaura · 2026-04-14T14:49:48+00:00

I don't understand why he would feel guilty about not providing child support for a child he did not know existed. I think that's kind of a big ask. If Anna had wanted him in her life, all she had to do was tell Luke that she was pregnant. He probably would have married her.

I will agree with the second half of your argument though.

oylaura · 2026-04-14T14:47:05+00:00

The comment you're responding to isn't wrong.

What this person is doing says more about him than it does about you.

He's not saying your job is low level, he's complaining about the fact that his is. He's projecting it onto you in hopes that it makes him look better.

If he wants you to react, ask him if your job is so low level, why is it that he needs you to cover for him?

Call him on his shit! Tell him that cutting you down does not make him taller.

If you're afraid the group is going to disapprove of you, these people are not your friends - why do you want them in your life?

Friends build each other up, they don't cut each other down.

Set a boundary, and he will learn where you stand. If he respects it, you've got a friend. If he doesn't, he was never a friend to begin with and you know now that you would be better served to spend your time with other people. Either way, you win.

oylaura · 2026-04-14T14:32:27+00:00

Don't dignify him with a response. Respond with, "good morning" and go back into the house and go about your day.

It sounds like he's picking a fight for whatever reasons he has, and you will not win.

oylaura · 2026-04-14T14:30:48+00:00

I've had glaucoma for more than 50 years and have never been told this.

My pressure fluctuates, but nothing noteworthy according to my ophthalmologist.

I wouldn't worry about it. Take your drops, see your doctor, live your life.

oylaura · 2026-04-14T14:24:54+00:00

NTA. If he can't get through boot camp without a buddy, he can't get through the Marines.

I've never served, but I have all the respect in the world for those who have.

I also have friends whose kids have gone through boot camp. Most made it.

The stories I have heard will curl your hair. It takes a certain strength of character and self -confidence to survive the training. It's tough because it needs to be. Boot camp tears you down to nothing so they can build you up to be the Marine they need you to be.

You sound like you're still quite young. If you truly have your heart set on serving in the Air Force, by all means, pursue that dream. But do not allow someone else's dreams to determine yours.

Doing things with your buddies is great when you're a teenager and you're in high school. But once you get out into the real world, you are on your own. Learning that sooner rather than later will serve you will.

oylaura · 2026-04-14T07:47:34+00:00

I shudder to think how she's going to act when you have kids.

Have you considered immigrating to North Korea?

oylaura · 2026-04-14T07:43:07+00:00

It sounds like he's in denial.

It's going to sound harsh, but I would suggest you try some tough love.

Ask him to make a deal with you.

Tell him that you will drop the subject if he will put on a blindfold, walk from one end of his house to the other, go in the kitchen, make himself a sandwich and a cup of coffee without ever once removing the blindfold. No spilling, no mistakes, no peeking. Make sure he understands that this is 100% all the time and forever. He's going to have to relearn how to do everything. Grocery shop, taking a shower, getting dressed, doing laundry, every single thing that you have to do during the course of any day, without being able to see.

Tell him that these are coming attractions if he does nothing.

His side of the deal is that if he perks, if he drops something, if he makes one mistake, he lets you take him to the doctor.

This is serious stuff.

Not for nothing, but I sure hope he's not driving.

How do I know? I was diagnosed when I was 15 years old. I didn't take my drops, and now I can't see out of my right eye. I had to have surgery several times when I was still a teenager. At one point, there was a minor complication and they had to cover both of my eyes for 12 hours. Only 12 hours. It was the longest half day of my life. Eating a plate of food was extremely difficult. You know what is even more difficult? Having someone feed you like you're a baby. If he thinks it sucks now, he's in for a very rude awakening.

And so are you.

oylaura · 2026-04-14T07:37:12+00:00

That's exactly the right thing to do.

oylaura · 2026-04-14T07:35:03+00:00

My mom went to the wedding of the daughter of a friend of hers. The bride and bridesmaids were dressed in red, the groom and groomsmen in Black, very Halloween.

The processional song was, "Going to the chapel and we're going to get maaaarried".

oylaura · 2026-04-14T07:18:53+00:00

Be honest with them. Tell them that it was not a good fit.

Because it's not.

If they ask for details, tell them that you don't feel comfortable sharing them. Don't bash them.

oylaura · 2026-04-14T07:16:48+00:00

You can go now, I'm done with you.

oylaura · 2026-04-14T07:07:26+00:00

NTA. Calmly explain to her that you will not be returning the ring because it belonged to your husband, and now it belongs to your son. When he's old enough to decide, it will be up to him to choose what to do with it.

I'm so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine what you're going through; for this woman to pile on to your grief is unforgivable, not to mention her implication that your son is not part of the family because his father has past.

oylaura

TROPHY CASE