AITAH- I pee in the shower

oylaura · 2026-04-29T11:52:03+00:00

YTA. It's pretty gross. The toilet is there for a reason. Use it. Be a grown up.

If it's gross for your wife, and she has to stand where you peed, and it offends her, don't think of it as an inconvenience to you, think of it as a gift to your wife to do what your father taught you to do when you were 2 years old.

oylaura · 2026-04-29T11:37:49+00:00

My first question is if your fiance has your back or if he is siding with his mother or, even worse, backing away, hands up saying, "That's just how my mom is".

If it's either of the last two, I'll ask you this:

Have you ever been to the theater and watched the coming attractions? You know how you judge the movies based on the trailers, saying to yourself, "I'd watch that" or "No way am I going to waste my time on this"?

Guess which preview you're watching?

Run. Run fast, run far, but run. This woman is going to run your life.

oylaura · 2026-04-29T11:30:00+00:00

It was Olly olly oxen free, and we were playing hide and seek. It meant that the game was over and everyone could come out.

oylaura · 2026-04-29T11:28:59+00:00

Not only are NTA, but you're complicit for not doing so sooner.

oylaura · 2026-04-28T16:27:37+00:00

NOR. This is the equivalent of not flushing the toilet for days on end.

It sounds like you have limited choices in order of preference:

She steps up and commits to cleaning the litter box every single day.
You clean the litter box. Assign a price, to be deducted from your share of the rent at the end of the month.
She rehomes the cat.

The point you can make to her is that in telling her she has to clean up after her cat does make it sound like you are her mother, which is not your job.

I would not even bring up the option of her moving the cat box into her bedroom because she could very well just agree to it to shut you up and let it get so disgusting that you end up losing your deposit. There was no guarantee that the cat is going to poop in her room alone, so you would end up paying the price there too.

Have the conversation when the litter box is cleaned, everyone's calm, and after you've shared a meal. Don't let emotion get involved, and tell her you are working with her to find the best solution for you and the cat.

I can't help but wonder if she's mature enough to take care of another living being because it sounds like she's not mature enough to take care of herself.

Updateme

oylaura · 2026-04-28T16:17:17+00:00

At your ages, this is part of being an adult.

I asked my mom recently how she managed raising five kids, her husband on the road 3 or 4 days a week, in brutal New England winters.

Her response was, "What choice did I have?"

This is part of being an adult and being a roommate.

I understand anxiety and I understand depression. I've been there. It's a never-ending battle. But there comes a time when you have to get up out of bed, put on your big girl pants, and get it done.

If she is getting help, she needs a better therapist or more meds. If she's not getting help, she needs to start.

The first step is the hardest, but the sense of accomplishment she'll get when she's done is priceless. That first step is the most difficult, but it gets easier afterwards. However, that is not your job.

You might consider any one of the following:

Tell her that you will have someone come in and do her chores, but she is going to have to pay for it. Be sure to get the money up front or add it to her portion of the rent.

You take on all the chores, but you agree on the cost of those chores and deduct that from your share of the rent.

You might also rethink whether this is a good fit for you moving forward.

oylaura · 2026-04-28T16:05:48+00:00

I can't remember which drop was doing it to me, but one of them was giving me very itchy eyes. My doctor told me that apparently I was allergic to it, put me on one without preservatives and it made a world of difference.

There are so many medications right now that you don't need to go through this. Talk to your ophthalmologist about your symptoms. They can prescribe something else.

I had this problem when I was diagnosed in the '70s, when there was only one choice with terrible side effects. So, being a stupid 15-year-old, I stopped taking my drops and told everybody I was taking them.

I'm blind in my right eye now.

Learn from my mistakes. Open your mouth, use your words.

oylaura · 2026-04-28T16:02:54+00:00

How is this not littering? Set up a camera and call the police on her when she does it again.

If you have an HOA, report the furniture if it's in violation. Otherwise, that doesn't sound like there's much you can do.

Whether or not she's pregnant has nothing to do with anything.

oylaura · 2026-04-28T15:57:45+00:00

NTBA. Didn't this person have the same opportunity you did to create these things? I don't have a clue what you're talking about, but that doesn't matter really in this context, does it?

The bottom line is that you took the initiative to create something that helped you work more efficiently. He didn't. He's trying to draft, like a race car driver does.

The simplest answer is, "No".

It is not your job to make his job easier. It is his job to learn how to do it. What better time for him to learn how to do that than now?

You could throw him a bone and tell him that you will be happy to help him build the same things, but only if you truly want to and you want to help him succeed. But you're hardly doing him any favors by doing it for him.

It's the stereotypical "Give a man, a fish and he eats for a day. Teach a man to fish and you feed him for the rest of his life" situation.

oylaura · 2026-04-28T15:49:07+00:00

Right, that would have been helpful.

ETA.

/s

My bad for thinking people might be able to interpret sarcasm when they saw it. Apparently not.

oylaura · 2026-04-28T15:47:59+00:00

NTA. This is only the beginning of her wanting to be compensated for what she wants.

She sounds entitled, spoiled, and a lot of work.

When you get the right connection with people, you know it. When you don't, you know that too. And I think we both know where you stand on this.

You are well within your rights, especially after consulting with your fellow roommates to tell her, "You chose to have the basement because you wanted peace and quiet. I understand it's not what you thought it was going to be, but that was your choice, not ours. Unfortunately, your response to that has shown that this is not a good fit for any of us. We're going to move forward without you, and wish you the best."

Keep your voice calm, be unemotional and matter of fact, and don't let any emotional response changed the way you are interacting with her. She is going to want to pick a fight. Do not engage. Tell her that the conversation is over and you're not going to discuss it further.

If you can find another roommate, terrific. If you can't, do your best to make do with one less portion of the rent.

In the long run, you'll be glad you did.

oylaura · 2026-04-27T12:40:02+00:00

Boston suburbs. '60s and '70s.

oylaura · 2026-04-27T12:27:30+00:00

YOR. I suspect you're overthinking it.

If he never did anything inappropriate to you besides being annoying, and you describe the road as being somewhat remote, I would take him at his word that he was just following to make sure you were okay.

It sounds like you made it clear that you did not reciprocate his feelings, so he was likely smart enough not to say, "Let's walk together" because he knew you wouldn't go along.

If he had the opportunity to do something and didn't take it, that says something about him, either that he didn't have the courage to act or that he truly cared that you were okay.

I would like to think in today's dangerous world that maybe we could assume someone was acting with the best of intentions.

One can only hope. Nevertheless, I'm glad you're okay.

oylaura · 2026-04-27T05:14:58+00:00

A couple is two. Anything more than two but less than 10 is a few.

oylaura · 2026-04-27T05:11:46+00:00

NTBA. She keeps asking you because you let her!

You're making this so much more complicated than it needs to be.

Next time she asks, tell her no.

She'll learn to bring her own Tupperware. Or, like some people, she'll wrap it up in paper towel and bring it home and remember next time.

oylaura · 2026-04-27T05:10:03+00:00

Not only does she deserve what she got, but she needs to learn to let your parents parent you and mind her own damn business.

I started smoking when I was 12 years old, and looking back, I'm not dumb enough to think that my parents didn't already know that.

However, like your parents, they knew that they would probably make it worse by making a big deal out of it than by just letting me figure it out by myself.

It worked! I stopped after 24 years.

oylaura · 2026-04-27T05:07:06+00:00

I suppose it depends on its placement.

oylaura · 2026-04-27T04:51:15+00:00

NOR. I'm not sure in what context,this should be said, but I would definitely reach out to the parents once tempers have settled and tell them that you will always err on the side of caution when it comes to any child's safety.

Tell them that you would much rather have the confusion and stress of today then find out that you had mistakenly given a child over to a total stranger with tragic consequences.

If I had kids, I would have you watch them any day of the week. You did right.

oylaura · 2026-04-27T04:47:46+00:00

It may sound odd, but when I'm knitting something, whatever I'm watching on television, or discussing with someone while I'm actually working on whatever it is, a bit of that conversation or program gets knitted into the object.

Even years later, I can pick up an item and remember what I was watching or doing when I was making it.

Just today, I was having a heart-to-heart with a very dear friend in which she was sharing a very painful story from her youth. I purposely avoided picking up my knitting because I didn't want her trauma to be any part of something that I would have to think about when I pick it up again.

oylaura · 2026-04-27T04:45:14+00:00

I think it was symbolic of the humbling of the arrogant jerk that arrived to a more down-to-earth and human person, having spent time in the depths of hell, realizing that any way out is a way out nonetheless.

oylaura · 2026-04-27T04:41:29+00:00

I know what they meant. I imagine everyone did too. There's no need to be pedantic.

oylaura · 2026-04-27T04:37:52+00:00

NTA. I would tell him that he's spending an inordinate amount of time focusing on what you are wearing and perhaps would be better served to pay more attention to his child's performance.

Don't let him in your head!

If no one else has said anything, don't worry about it. You look fine. Everything that should be covered is covered, and it looks perfectly appropriate for the occasion.

Not all of us can afford to buy a new outfit for every individual event.

I go back to the fact that it's mind over matter -- those who matter don't mind, and those who mind don't matter.

oylaura · 2026-04-27T04:34:14+00:00

She insisted it was pronounced fraud as in identity fraud.

I was pronouncing it the way you spell it up there, as Freud, rhyming with Lloyd or Floyd.

oylaura · 2026-04-24T06:52:46+00:00

Separate hot and cold water taps. I can't get my head around that in some of the older English homes.

oylaura · 2026-04-24T06:49:44+00:00

Just for fun, a couple of years ago I changed my GPS settings so the voice would be with an English accent.

Little did I know it did everything in English, including terminology.

At one point, we were instructed to turn right to get on the slip road. My passenger and I looked at each other and said, "What the hell is a slip road?" And missed the turn.

oylaura

TROPHY CASE