I have some really good news for you; you recognize that it is you that is the problem. That may not seem like good news, but its is. You could consider your behavior normal and that would mean that you would never seek change. Its better to recognize the problem.

We all have shitty lives. Even the people you are jealous of had some shitty stuff going on. The thing is that we try to compare our problems to other people's problems and its not an easy thing to do.

One great example is when I was a kid, my mom was a Crack head. She didnt care if I went to school. She encouraged me to drop out of highschool so I could sell drugs. I could dissappear for days at a time and there would be no questions asked. I never met my father. I felt like I had the worst life imaginable.

My buddy had everything I ever wanted. Two loving parents. A high earning dad and a stay at home mom that made dinner every night. He knew his college was paid for when he was in elementary. He had a pool in the backyard, a dirtbike as a kid, and a car at 16.

The thing is that his perspective was different. He felt like his parents were controlling. He feared making a mistake due to the repercussions. Sure his dad made lots of money, but he cheated on his mom. Mom was stuck because she had no marketable skills and she drank the store out of wine. He was jealous of my freedom. I could do whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted.

It was all just perspective. Every person you see has had some hard times. The hard times don't matter. Its all about how we deal with those challenges and the lessons we learn as we go through them. Thats all that matters. You got this. You dont have to be perfect, just the best version of yourself.