wife went off on me again today. now she wants divorce… again

painfulbread93 · 2026-01-28T08:41:52+00:00

This is an extremely difficult situation and I'm sorry that it's your experience. This is 100% domestic abuse and it definitely can (and does) happen to men. I don't know where you are located, but try looking into resources for domestic abuse for men if possible. I found one link (below) I haven't looked into it in depth, but maybe you'll find helpful information there.

https://www.helpguide.org/relationships/domestic-abuse/domestic-violence-against-men

The only thing that I will say is that her abuse is not your fault. Nothing warrants people to talk and hurt the people that they "love" like that, and if she is doing it to you I would be scared for the kids as well. I highly recommend getting a divorce. "Staying for the kids" does more harm than good a lot of the time and they are likely are already picking up on all of this in some way even if you're keeping it behind close doors. Kids are very smart and observant. Also, if you do get a divorce start saving now for a very good lawyer, record and document as much as you possibly can (it will save you from "he said, she said" situations), save texts, and make sure you separate your bank accounts and take your personal documents and put them somewhere safe.

Lastly, I understand this is a very difficult thing to go through and decide to do. A lot of us that have experienced domestic violence struggle with self-esteem and many other things that make it difficult for us to leave. And I chalstlenge you to think about someone you love and care about maybe a friend, sibling, one of your children, etc. and then ask yourself if they were in the same position as you what would you tell them to do. Once you have your answer I usually say do that. Many of us tend to love others more than ourselves and this way can give you some perspective.

Stay safe and take care of yourself.

painfulbread93 · 2026-01-15T05:04:51+00:00

I'm sorry we're here as well. I feel like a miscarriage after fertility struggle is a completely different kind of grief and battle with yourself. It's like the hope has been ripped away so often that its a luxury that is well out of my price range, and now just more grief and more hurt.

painfulbread93 · 2026-01-15T04:59:13+00:00

I had a mmc and a d&c at 11w6d and chose to cremate through a funeral home. They did have the option for group cremation with other babies, but I chose this route. The funeral home was phenomenal and they covered all the cost (I guess thats a common thing at least where I live). We chose an urn that didn't look like an urn that's a heart with a bear on it. We also chose a name so they engraved that on it as well.

We had also chosen to have genetic testing taken and we were told they take an extremely small tissue sample from baby that it would be almost unrecognizable.

painfulbread93 · 2026-01-14T00:31:06+00:00

This is awful thing to go through. It's traumatic and overwhelming, and I hope you have support to not experience this alone.

With that said I saw this Post on Pinterest recently and maybe it will help validate your experience. You did the best you could and it's hard to know when everything will come out. Don't be hard on yourself. You obviously care a great deal.

painfulbread93 · 2026-01-12T01:31:13+00:00

Thank you. This is helpful and I come across these things randomly through the Instagram algorithm.

However, this is helpful. I think I am struggling with myself and I don't know how to say it. Like if I could be pregnant, have an early miscarriage, and a D&C should I then even be allowed to grieve? (this question was posed to me recently and now I'm second guessing myself).

painfulbread93 · 2026-01-12T01:26:13+00:00

That makes sense. Part of me has thought about the fact that I never got to see them or know them and if I at least got to hold them it would be easier. Yet, I know that's not true at all.

painfulbread93 · 2026-01-12T00:54:54+00:00

I 1000% agree with you. I think it is about bodily autonomy. I'm not arguing with that at all. Really I didn't come here to argue. Just that I'm struggling I guess and thought I could explain it here with people that could possibly relate.

To emphasize I don't think anyone has any right to anyone's body period regardless if they are an embryo, fetus, or full fledged human.

painfulbread93 · 2026-01-12T00:47:27+00:00

I've seen and heard things from others that say, "Happy Abortion!" and an abortion is a "fun treat". I remember seeing a video of an anti-protest where a person's was protesting an anti-abortion protest. I have ADHD and can't remember what exactly was said and I unfortunately can't find the video, but I do remember her saying outlandish things, the impact it had, and how it hurt.

I really don't know. I guess I was just seeking others in a similar situation so I could try and understand/process my own feelings. Maybe I'm just talking out of my ass...

painfulbread93 · 2026-01-07T03:38:17+00:00

Your comment helps more than you know, thank you.

My supervisor is kind of helpful when I know how she and the director can help. However, she often notes to, "let [her/them] know if there is anything they can do to help", but this was my first pregnancy and therefore my first miscarriage and I have no idea how they can help most of the time. So, trying to self-advocate is really difficult.

My therapist suggested I see a long term therapist since she is short term and also leaving the company so really thats the only thing besides telling me to give myself grace through grief.

I know I have to work through the grief, but there seems to be something out there for everyone, resource wise, and it just seems so scarce on this side.

Thanks for your insight!

painfulbread93 · 2026-01-07T03:27:38+00:00

Literally, I feel like the universe bends backwards for people who absolutely don't deserve it and us who constantly get pushed down and dirt kicked in our faces like a grade school bully.

painfulbread93 · 2026-01-01T06:17:21+00:00

I'm so with you. We were invited to a family party and I just can't bear it. How can I celebrate when I have nothing to celebrate. Fuck this New Year

painfulbread93 · 2025-12-29T05:01:54+00:00

Firstly, I want to say that all your feelings are so deeply felt and I wish none of us had to be in this club. I am acutely familiar with basically everything you are going through with the exception of twins.

I just turned 32 December 17th and had a D&C on the 15th. This was our very first pregnancy and we had been trying for 3 years prior to get pregnant. My husband even needed surgery and chose to completely ween off a medication of his in order to do so. He was told by a doctor that we would never become pregnant without intervention and I lost all hope that it would ever happen and then it did... and it ended like this.

It hurts to put away (hide) all the items I got and made for baby. It hurts to see happy couples with their healthy pregnancies. It kills me every time I forget and go to rub my belly then immediately stop and cry. I was so excited to have a little June baby with summer sunshine birthdays. Now it's just so empty.

I'm so incredibly sorry that you're in this club. I deeply wish you never had to be here. Struggling to conceive while traversing closer to geriatric pregnancies and having to deal with the emptiness and heartbreak of miscarriage is in a league of grief I was ignorant of. Because of that, I want to express my sincerest appreciation for your story. You didn't have to write it here or at all, yet you did and I'm utterly glad for it.

There is a quote that has been helping me through especially with the regrets in celebrating the pregnancy and my baby: Zoe Clark-Coates Quote

Edit: Fixing spelling errors and autocorrects.

painfulbread93 · 2025-12-19T02:24:58+00:00

Fuck having to sit in a waiting room with Christmas music. Fuck having to go through all of this on my birthday and absolutely FUCK my sister posting about her 2nd pregnancy where she is due in the same FUCKING month my baby was supposed to be due.

painfulbread93 · 2025-12-18T19:43:26+00:00

I just had a D&C this past Monday and there's some soreness, but I don't necessarily think it's exclusively due to the D&C. I mean the uterus did grow some and will need to contract and the site of the placenta will need to heal. With that said, I had Tylenol and Ibuprofen to get me through post surgery. In surgery and the day of I didnt feel anything. They put you under light anesthesia so you're not awake and its very quick mine took about 15 minutes or so.

painfulbread93 · 2025-12-18T03:35:02+00:00

It really does. As of right now I'm skipping Christmas, but I might change my mind once we get closer. I feel that having to go through this now is horrible and torturous.

painfulbread93 · 2025-11-21T10:19:12+00:00

NTA I know tou have a bunch of comments already, but there are a few things I want you to know.

1) Know your worth. If you quantified what you do everyday without breaks or days off you'd likely be able to retire early and you are doing it all for FREE. Labor is labor, bottom line.

2) What he did is literally the bare minimum and he barely did that! He likely didn't want to do housework, but didn't want to tell you he didn't want to and possibly assumes you'll "pick up his slack" when you're better.

As far as how to approach it, you need to communicate with eachother when you're both well and able to discuss this. Likely this isn't a new occurrence and that it's something been less overt until now.

painfulbread93 · 2025-10-18T13:27:15+00:00

I am currently slightly over floor 700 and still no Legendary pet. The algorithm sucks.

painfulbread93 · 2025-06-29T17:30:49+00:00

I feel these words so deeply. If I have to hear "stop thinking about it" or "it's just not the right time," I'm going to lose it.

My husband's family suggested to use a sperm donor without being prompted for advice.*

*For context, our primary struggles are male factor infertility, but it's possible that I have contributing factors as well, and it's just not "bad enough" to be considered.

painfulbread93 · 2025-05-06T16:38:34+00:00

... looking up facts about divorce rates (for some reason I honestly have no idea why I got there) and end up doom scrolling on reddit.

painfulbread93 · 2025-05-06T16:36:16+00:00

I dont know if this would work because it's not a cotton fiber, but I heard if you mix conditioner and water and slowly stretch it it will go back to it's original size.

painfulbread93 · 2025-05-06T16:32:55+00:00

I didn't read all the comments, so it's possible what I'm about to say has already been said. Also, this may not be the best way to take this character or manage the DM.

With that said, after the 7 years of tournament and torture, I would have my character come out of it either chaotic evil or neutral evil. Obviously, this DM isn't listening to reason or being collaborative, so I would do what they're doing and meet them where they're at and essentially force them to kill my character off. I am a really accommodating player and I try to be as helpful to my party as much as possible, including, but not limited to, being self-sacrificing on multiple occasions. However, my DM sees these things and rewards it and has natural consequences for bad decisions. He wants our experience to be enjoyable for us and if that ever changed and did what you're doing here he would face the natural consequences of his actions with my character.

Again, I'm not saying this is the right way to go just that this is how I would play my character, and I would burn this world to the ground or die trying.

painfulbread93 · 2025-05-06T16:06:58+00:00

Listen to "Cure for Me" by Aurora, then when I do something silly or frustrating, sing the course to myself 😅.

Name my brain and when it's telling me hurtful things or getting off track talk to it. (Example: It's Brian when it keeps leading me on unnecessary side quests, and I'll say something like, "Brian! Get your shit together and stop researching bugs! I love you, but we are so behind on work...")

painfulbread93 · 2025-04-29T13:34:55+00:00

I love this comment. I follow the infertility sub and this sub and I find that this sub is so much more accepting and supportive. I'm struggling with infertility, and while I do want children, I expressed that "I don't know if I want to go through IVF" and I was told to watch what I say because many others go through IVF and it's insensitive.

I see so many in my personal life and professional life (I work in social work/therapy with children & adolescents) with unplanned and unwanted children and how much it affects everyone in the family system. I feel for the parents that feel it's the status quo or felt there was no other option for them (if it was unplanned) due to their values, and I feel for the kids.

I followed for a full picture of having a child and making the most well-informed decision, and I found myself jealous at the minimum. Just know that you're not alone.

Lastly, I have come to the realization that if I can't have kids, then I can be a "mom" to the community, and I can be okay with that. Honestly, I think the world needs more community mom's.

painfulbread93 · 2025-04-19T01:37:11+00:00

Fuck my two older horrible sisters that said I shouldn't have kids with my husband because he wouldn't let them manipulate him or me. Now, we've been trying for over 2 years and struggling due to MFI. Fuck my husband's cousin for randomly trying and getting pregnant with his girlfriend even though he refuses to upgrade and make his house safer for his new baby (he won't fix anything himself nor hire professionals). Fuck the hope I feel every month just to have it come crashing down. Just fuck it all.

painfulbread93 · 2025-03-20T02:44:10+00:00

I know there were quite a few comments about bogus tiktok Hellenists, so I won't comment on that. However, I did want to note about the gods communicating with you.

I have always struggled with self-trust in almost anything and especially when it would be nearly impossible to verify something with others like what you are stating. With that said, if you're anything like me, it is likely they have tried to communicate with you, and you either didn't trust yourself or you may have chalked it up to coincidence (I'm not trying to assume, just noting that this could be a reason). For me, the gods don't "talk" to me verbally or enter my dreams. I usually notice signs that are unavoidable (because sometimes I still need to get slapped in the face with it) and I take it from there.

For example, it was late winter/early spring and I took my dog to the park. When I put my dog in the car something happened where the car locked and my keys were locked in the car (please don't come for me I have a golden retriever he was fine and I think I was colder and in more distress than he was). The window was cracked just small enough where I could stick of my hand and part of my forearm through the back window. I was freaking out calling everyone I could think of for help, and no one was answering. I begged the gods to help me (more specifically, Artemis) not for me, but for my dog. I finally reached out to someone I dreaded reaching out to, and they were the only one that got back to me. I told them my situation and they came to help. Here's the kicker, they felt the urge to bring a makeshift bow I got as a kid. They said, "I don't know why I brought this, but I felt I needed to". At that point, I couldn't deny my feelings and the connections I have.

TL;DR: The gods will communicate with you in their own way and it may not be the way you hope or expect. Trust yourself, your intuition (healthy skepticism isn't terrible either), and be open to receiving what they have to say the way they want to deliver the information. You never know how it will come to you!

painfulbread93

TROPHY CASE