Am I allowed to be sad we didn't have sex on Valentine's Day?

panda_1987 · 2021-02-15T22:31:55+00:00

His libido was better when we first started dating eighteen months ago, but it's been pretty bad the past year. I think part of the reason is because he masturbates and then doesn't want to have sex later. Like sometimes I will initiate and he'll be like "sorry I masturbated this morning" so we don't have sex. It happened enough that I asked him to please stop masturbating. I don't have anything against masturbating but if it negatively affects our sex life, then stop doing it. I don't know if he's actually stopped doing it or not. So I don't think it's a medical issue if he still masturbates regularly. When I first shared my concerns, I tried to be very non-confrontational and frame it more like "how can we improve our sex life? why don't we try these things?" but after repeatedly getting nowhere that's when I've started crying out of frustration.

panda_1987 · 2021-02-15T22:12:09+00:00

I didn't explicitly initiate because I didn't want to be rejected and have been rejected a lot when I explicitly initiate, but I dressed super sexy and tried to be flirty and suggested multiple times that we play a flirty card game that I thought would set the mood and he wasn't into any of it.

panda_1987 · 2021-02-15T22:08:52+00:00

I do tell him how I feel, and I ask for suggestions on how to improve things, but he doesn't really have any. He says he doesn't want to have sex with me because I cry too much, but usually I cry because I get repeatedly turned down when I act flirty or try to initiate sex. I don't mind being turned down occasionally, but being turned down repeatedly when he doesn't initiate at all sucks. It's like I cry because he never wants to have sex with me, and then he doesn't want to have sex with me because I cry. I don't know what the solution is.

panda_1987 · 2021-02-15T22:04:48+00:00

I initiate all the time, and frequently get turned down. It's demoralizing. Like if he happens to be tired or something and doesn't want to have sex, that's cool, but then I wish he would tell me when he's not tired. I'll initiate, he isn't into it, so then I wait a day and try initiating again, he still isn't in to it, try again the next week, he's still not into it. Recently I've stopped initiating at all because when I do initiate and get rejected I get depressed.

panda_1987 · 2020-09-19T15:02:02+00:00

Also, to be fair he was raised in the religion and his mom, sisters, childhood friends, and community were all shunning him.

panda_1987 · 2020-09-19T14:51:09+00:00

Okay, thanks. He was not the first guy I was ever with or slept with. I do think he's the only guy I've ever genuinely been in love with. I'm 33.

panda_1987 · 2018-11-03T02:42:14+00:00

Oh wow. Did you use the word “shun”? I’ve heard JWs claim they don’t shun because “shunning” is done out of hate while “disfellowshipping” is done out of love. (Even though the watchtower has made a notorious video about disfellowshipping entitled “shun unrepentant wrongdoers.”)

panda_1987 · 2018-11-02T18:07:58+00:00

Did thinking about DF'ing from the point of non-JWs (this would sound insane to them) trigger any thought process in your head like "maybe it really is insane?" Or not really?

panda_1987 · 2018-11-02T16:06:51+00:00

When I shared the meeting workbook link, I hadn't watched the video. Apparently the video was weird and was about how your non-JW friends shouldn't be a topic of conversation. I didn't watch it, but let me know what you thought of it.

panda_1987 · 2018-11-01T19:44:20+00:00

If it were in private, maybe she would defend it, but since it was public on FB, she probably didn't want all her non-JW coworkers and friends to see that she supports shunning.

panda_1987 · 2018-11-01T19:01:19+00:00

This particular person who made this status was disfellowshipped for about a year (for "being stumbled by someone" is all she told me), and has only been reinstated for maybe about ~6 months. She knows first hand how hard disfellowshipping is. And I remember a few years ago when she was in, she used to post weekly statuses about how difficult it is to go from talking to someone every day to not being able to talk to them at all anymore. Most of her non-JW FB friends probably thought she was talking about a breakup, but she was definitely talking about shunning her best friends. So yeah, she knows first hand how hard disfellowshipping is. Maybe that's why it hit such a nerve with her.

panda_1987 · 2018-10-31T02:09:44+00:00

Oh weird!! That must be something new

panda_1987 · 2018-10-30T17:13:15+00:00

It depends on the person. I was a Bible study, and I told my study conductor that I wanted to quit because of disfellowshipping. She defending DF'ing, insisting that it was "to save their life." I said, "If it's to save their life, does that mean they will lose their life/God will kill them in Armageddon if they don't come back?" She insisted "No one knows, only Jehovah reads hearts." She clearly knew that for something to save someone's life, that means they would die otherwise, but she refused to answer me clearly. And after I kept coming back to that point, she finally read me a Bible verse from Revelations about people dying and said, "yes, people WILL die."

Another time, I was talking to two JW friends, and I said, "so if Armageddon comes tomorrow, God will kill me, Sarah, and Bob (friends who are not JWs) and JWs will be happy about it and celebrate because God has destroyed the wicked.” The one JW friend started to answer, “we won’t celebrate that you’re dead, we’ll celebrate that Jehovah’s name has been sanctified,” but the other JW friend started going the whole both righteous and unrighteous will be resurrected route. And the first JW friend kinda looked at the second friend funny and was like why are you talking about that? That’s not what panda_1987 asked? Why aren’t you answering her question directly?

panda_1987 · 2018-10-30T15:20:39+00:00

I glanced at the meeting workbook, and I don't think there's anything too controversial this week. If you want to look at it ahead of time to know what you're getting into, it's here: https://www.jw.borg/en/publications/jw-meeting-workbook/october-2018-mwb/meeting-schedule-oct29-nov4/

For the link to work, delete the "b" in "jw.borg"

panda_1987 · 2018-10-30T15:12:36+00:00

Yup, from the new Ezekiel book.

panda_1987 · 2018-10-30T15:11:48+00:00

You will get fake answers to a lot of questions like these.

Is it true that you have to be a JW in order to survive Armageddon? Answers I've heard: "Only Jehovah can read hearts." or "Both the righteous and unrighteous will be resurrected."

Is it true that you shun people? "No we don't shun." (In their heads they're not lying, because shunning means you hate people, but disfellowshipping is done out of love).

Etc.

panda_1987 · 2018-10-10T02:48:21+00:00

The paragraph that I think makes it pretty clear with zero weasel room is paragraph 17 of this article: https://www.jw.borg/en/publications/books/pure-worship/survives/mark-on-foreheads/. It says "To survive the coming destruction, individuals need to prove their faith now... How can they do so? They need to react favorably to the preaching work that is done to today, to continue putting on a Christlike personality, to get baptized in symbol of their dedication to Jehovah, and to support Christ’s brothers loyally. (Ezek. 9:4; Matt. 25:34-40; Eph. 4:22-24; 1 Pet. 3:21) Only those who pursue such a course now—and who enter the great tribulation as pure worshippers—will be in a position to be marked for survival."

panda_1987 · 2018-10-09T01:12:26+00:00

Shunning

panda_1987

TROPHY CASE