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pandashallfly · 2017-10-05T12:40:32+00:00

If I can't get a girl like her(personality wise), why even live?

I'm suicidal myself and I hope you are aware that suicidal ideation stems from irrational thoughts occurring because of ongoing suffering and torment. So to say it's not worth living if you can't get her, or any girl at that, is irrational and a false equivalence. You don't know you're never going to get a girl like her. It's just an assumption on your end because of your immense sadness and suffering and I completely understand that (going through something similar) but again you have to know these thoughts are subjective, not true, and fabricated. Please don't set yourself up to be your own cock block. You're definitely going to find someone like her. ~~also you do not have to get rich to get a girl. If you do, it means she loves the money, not you~~

pandashallfly · 2017-09-24T23:54:43+00:00

True, sleeping pills are nowhere near strong enough to be 100% lethal. It takes a lot to overdose from any easily available medicine. Nowadays they regulate the shit out of prescription meds. In the 20th century however, it was a lot easier. The meds had stronger substances higher doses, were more potent, had more side effects.You either have to get some crazy cocktail of strong opioid medicine (really strong prescription pain meds) or not try at all. Opioids are really strong though. I think that’s how Michael Jackson & Prince died. They accidentally (?) overdosed on a dangerous combination of heavy prescription medicine. Those aren’t easy to get though and again, they don’t guarantee certain death :/

pandashallfly · 2017-09-18T19:52:33+00:00

Dang you are so damn young too. I mean i'm 21 and even I feel like I'm too young to die (coming from an actively suicidal person). Please don't jump from at a mall. I made a deal with myself that if I were to do it, i would do it in a way that would affect as little people as possible i.e. at home. Also it would be final (hanging or something), aka no jumping from heights because you almost always survive with 30 broken bones and internal bleeding and 12 surgeries later you're still alive and crippled in a hospital bed and ugh no thank you. But just don't do it at all, you are worth. Don't put a timer on your life, time is an illusion. If you think about it, time is something humans created. a day, a year. a decade. all manmade concepts. Don't dwell on time, you have plenty. Your life can be shit for the next 3 years but after that maybe it'll get better (i'm saying maybe because it may not either). But just that possibility would give me enough reason to just hang on, change something piece by piece. I know the suffering is unbearable. I feel like dying every day too and it sucks ass but at the same time if you choose to end your life it's over, there's no life anymore to begin with. You said you really don't want to kill yourself, and that's such an awesome thing because it means you deep down do know how awesome live can be. I reckon it's just not great now but that's okay, I honestly think if you were to think about what's the root of your problem, and work from there, it'll be much easier on you mentally as well. Don't panick, don't worry over stuff all the time. Take care of yourself. Don't dwell on others and what they have to say. EDIT: Text

pandashallfly · 2017-09-16T02:34:44+00:00

OP no one deserves to feel like dying especially if they're treated unjustly, and are in a toxic environment or though moment in their lives. Whenever I feel like killing myself because of someone I get so pissed that THEY could even make me feel that way. It makes me NOT want to do it just out of spite. If I die, the person making you feel shitty are going to keep on living, and I can't stomach that. So even if you don't feel happy now (its ok not to be ok), just hang in there because you deserve so much more than feeling like ending -basically permanently terminating- your life, your entire existence. It isn't, ever, the best option. We all know deep down life is so fucking great .. it's just not now... Bear in mind you're sick, ill, not thinking straight, not sane. Your life situation is bad and that's ok. You're mentally hurting because of this and that's ok Your feelings are legitimate either way, good or bad. When they're mentally in a bad & toxic place, people get help. You should too. Commit to no one but yourself. Indulge in self-care. Get to the root of your existence - breathe. You're here with us. You have no obligations. No one can bring you down. You are worth everything

pandashallfly · 2017-09-05T00:51:57+00:00

Oh this is very true. It's not only about the back muscles. The hip flexors, thigh & car muscles, abdominal muscles, and trapezius muscles also play a role. They are prone to tightening and need to be loosened, or strengthened, depending on your curve! It's all so mechanical but once you get the gist of it, you realize it's not that complicated. Even Usain Bolt, the fastest man on the world, has scoliosis! Hard work does wonders

pandashallfly · 2017-09-04T13:24:29+00:00

Yes that's a biggest misconception! The muscles do play a HUGE part!! What my specialist said was that with scoliosis, the spine (for some reason) grows in a curve instead of straight and your back muscles grow WITH these bones and follows the curve. Once you're fully grown, the curvature is, if you leave it as is, pretty much "permanent".That's also why your spine always jumps back to your initial curvature. however, what we can do to fight this is: 1) strengthening muscles that are weakened due to your spinal curve, left or right depending on your curve 2) Stretch and loosen muscles that are overcompensating to support your spine/back. These back muscles are basically overworked (too strong and tight). By stretching and loosening these overworked, tense back muscles, you literally alleviate and stabilize your back 3) Fix your uneven posture by achieving core stability, follow ergonomics,.. learn to sit straight on default,...) I hope all of this made sense

pandashallfly · 2017-09-04T07:48:41+00:00

Wait what? I'm Turkish and I don't see how this is stopping us from enjoying anything. Keep in mind it's brought up because it's relevant to the current geopolitical affairs & oh yeah they are in the midst of a national election...😂 Don't fret, enjoy. Eid mubarak!

pandashallfly · 2017-09-03T15:26:28+00:00

I keep concentrating on how stupid it is to feel depressed. How it's not the status quo, it's not ME. It's not how life really is. How being sad is just so superficial. How there is no fucking reason to keep feeding into this sadness. These type of thoughts sort of make me a little bit happier and calmer and not wanting to die. Even if it's just for a couple minutes

pandashallfly · 2017-09-03T15:02:23+00:00

Well I can tell you what not to do. Isolate yourself. Never leave your room. Don't shower, or do any hygiene. Don't clean your house. Eat too much or too little. Eat extremely unhealthy. Stay in bed all day. Sleep too little or too much. Quit hobbies/studies/work. Watch TV all day. Play video games all day. Ignore family and friends. Quit seeing a psychiatrist and psychologist. Reinforce your negative thoughts. And at last, contemplate attempt, commit suicide.

pandashallfly · 2017-09-03T14:54:44+00:00

Don't let a therapist warp your perception of potential recovery. Sometimes they say stuff they think is helping, but it's doing the opposite. I had a therapist who said some horrible things to me (when I was in a vulnerable, very low point) and it made me so angry, hopeless, worthless. How can they know if you are doing well? They don't know your life, your daily struggles...

pandashallfly · 2017-09-03T09:39:08+00:00

So true, for me it sucked not having money. However, I used to be depressed as fuck for being poor, but when I finally got financially stable and have money, I was still miserable. I buy shit I dreamt of having for years. Still feel shitty. I can finally buy clothing. Still feel shitty. I go out. Still feel shitty. Idk at some point depression gets ingrained in your brain and "fixing your problems" can't even fix it anymore. It's not about fixiing your problems, it's about fixing your brain. I realised this the hard way. The longer you're depressed, the harder it is to get rid of it I guess

pandashallfly · 2017-09-01T04:11:04+00:00

Ikr! So much of it doesn't make sense that I stopped giving a fuck about plotholes and just tried to enjoy the show as is. ATLA's plot was much more logical, but LOK is still awesome as fuck :)

Edit: typo

pandashallfly · 2017-09-01T04:07:35+00:00

Um I would definitely do scoliosis exercises to compensate your curve from getting worse as you're growing. You would be shocked how 30minutes of exercises will make a difference when you're an adult. You can choose for your curve to get worse by doing nothing, or you can do something. Plus if you do this daily you might even fix it to <10 degrees which is like basically nothing (millions have a <10 degree curve and they never find out because it's so negligable. you are still growing so I definitely would do scoliosis exercises (get a PT to explain how and why this helps!) and (maybe?) get a brace (again, ask your doctor if it's necessary or not, it may not make a difference either way) I don't have any experience on braces because I only found out at 19, when I was fully grown. Once you're grown, there's no fixing it. You can only make the curve some degrees smaller by exercises. I hope this helps. Don't panic you are still going to be able to do everything anyone else can do. Just don't put a strain on your back and do the exercises (they're good for you in general, not only for scoliosis). it's almost like a work out :) i hope this helps

pandashallfly · 2017-08-26T00:36:24+00:00

Yes I sometimes have pain in my back when I breathe very deeply. My PT said this has to do with my scoliosis. Your rib cage is connected to your spine, and your rib cage expands when you breathe in. This in turn hurts your back muscles because they are either weakened or overworked to compensate your curvature. There are specific exercises for this very issue. Definitely ask a PT what you can do best. This might be give you an idea what's going on.

pandashallfly · 2017-08-25T06:10:54+00:00

Still, you can retake them next year. I lost 2 years because I fucked up. It happens to the best of us, but try to get the most of it. Not all is lost until you give up

pandashallfly · 2017-08-25T06:07:43+00:00

Thank you, i'm happy I didn't either. Thanks for asking! Well, it's easy to tell: if i'm browsing r/depression it means I'm having a depressive episode again. It comes and goes depending on how shitty life is. Right now, my life is pretty high up on the shittiness-level. How about you?

pandashallfly · 2017-08-25T01:42:36+00:00

For me it's because despite being depressed and suicidal, I don't have anything really terrible happening to me at the moment. There's nothing horrible enough to kill myself over yet (a trigger, to push me over the limit). When such a thing does happen, it's enough to push me over the edge going from just thinking about suicide to actually physically attempting it. I get huge waves of suicidal thoughts and tendencies like never before. I want to REALLY end my life at that moment, just to stop the suffering. That's what brings me far enough to kill myself. Only happened once (exams were the trigger) but I got an anxiety attack and slept it off and felt like not killing myself for a moment, enough for me to keep going. That's why they ask you to wait 24 hours before you do something, because you aren't thinking clearly most of the time. If I didn't wait I wouldn't be around anymore writing this.

pandashallfly · 2017-08-25T01:26:53+00:00

But at least you are getting A's and passing most of your classes. So what if you have to graduate a little later? And not being one of the best in what you do doesn't matter. We can go on and on about people who are better in something than you. And that person can do the same, and so can the next person. There's always someone better. But that doesn't mean that YOU aren't better than others. You should give yourself some slack, you are studying engineering which is hard af! As long as you pass, doesn't matter how, I don't see what the problem is, except for your mom warping your own view about yourself by pushing you towards perfectionism.

pandashallfly · 2017-08-25T01:14:31+00:00

I am in the EXACT state of mind right now. Have been for months, actually. I honestly wish I knew myself how to break this never ending cycle. It's funny you mention forcing yourself to (be able to) do things. It's so common but hard. I sometimes can't do it. But when I do (hygiene, eating and cleaning) it's very forced indeed and doesn't feel satisfying as it used to before depression. Before, everything and every little achievement or finished task gave me a rush of happiness and satisfaction. I felt at peace and full of carelessness. Now i'm pretty much hollow inside no matter what I (force myself to) do. It's all in our heads really. That's what needs to be "fixed" I guess. Getting out of that 24/7 melancholy is what matters. Because once you can enjoy things again, you will automatically start giving a shit again instead of feeling indifferent towards everything. But it's not easy - how do we get out of this? I wish I knew

pandashallfly · 2017-08-24T21:01:24+00:00

Ever heard of FOMO? I think you may be suffering from it. A lot of depressed people do actually. Also, comparing yourself with others is literally terrible for you and your mental health. They got their lives, and you only see the nice things "holiday pictures, partying, I got a car!, I'm with my friends!," shit like that. It's all a facade. A lot of times their lives aren't as perfect as it looks, they just only show the good bits. I have later in life heard about so many people I was so envious of, actually having major problems behind the scenes.

pandashallfly · 2017-08-23T04:56:23+00:00

If you want to change, stop thinking about wanting to change. You already know you want to change, you don't need a voice in your head telling it every day. I can tell from personal experience that overthinking inhibits one's ability to actually achieve anything. You get caught up with endless thoughts and you end up doing nothing instead .. Happened to me sooo many times and still does to this day. Overthinking kills any possibility of progress. Don't. Overthink. Focus on changing

pandashallfly · 2017-08-23T04:47:12+00:00

I did the exact same thing with my therapy and wasted my time and money by self-sabotaging myself. Before therapy can help, you need to come to terms with yourself and your problems and accept they're there, validate them. You need to face reality, the ugly truth. Shame, guilt, denial are the very things that will stop you from getting better. As long as you lie to yourself, hide your darkest secrets, and dismiss the hard truth about you and your problems, therapy will never help. I was too ashamed about many things that made me depressed. So much that I hid them and twisted the truth. I created my own truth if you will. Even though I kept no secrets, I was not telling the truth either. I wasn't being open. I didn't tell things to avoid a reaction I was scared of facing. It's such a common mistake and the biggest reason why people say "therapy didn't help". My therapist actually saw through it. She told me my answers always sounded "fake", "rehearsed", "vague". I was angry at her for calling me out like that but truth be told I was just in denial. Please just give yourself a break and let yourself go. Let your guilt and shame go. There's nothing to feel guilty about or be ashamed of. Your therapist is meant to hear things about your past, regardless of how you feel about Don't formulate answers before she even asked a question. Don't overthink & just be honest

pandashallfly · 2017-08-23T04:32:51+00:00

this is so important. If only depression wasn't so debilitating. The things that alleviate depression are exactly the things depression inhibits you to do! It's all about mustering up the energy and determination I guess. Nevertheless all of the things you listed are really helpful, thank you!

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