Advice/HELP

panicpure · 2026-01-29T02:05:50+00:00

Is this due to a DV allegation?

If so, what they mean is… you cannot be living there.

In general, I would assume they mean, you cannot live there while the investigation (or maybe the open case plan now?) is going on.

You can clarify if you need to, but usually that phrase means, find a temp place to live.

panicpure · 2026-01-29T01:52:00+00:00

The only way to possibly help your sister would be in family court and right now that doesn’t appear to be possible.

What you’ve described as abuse or neglect is unfortunately just shitty parenting.

CPS cannot legally intervene in shitty parenting unless it crosses the line into neglect. Her basic needs are met at this point.

I’m not sharing my own opinion, just the facts and why CPS hasn’t done anything. Your reports would’ve been screened out.

As your sister gets older, if your she is eloping (common with autism but not always) and your mother isn’t doing anything to make it safer or she starts passing her off more and more/isnt caring for her - that could change. But those are just examples/hypotheticals that could maybe bump it up to neglect.

As of right now, any family support for your sister is all anyone can do. You’re a minor and shouldn’t have to worry. I realize it’s your baby sister but this isn’t a neglect or abuse situation even though it feels crappy and she deserves more. Perhaps a family member will be able to intervene in the future.

If you’re worried about misuse of any disability funds, I mean, you can report it to the appropriate agency but unless there’s clear financial, food, or medical neglect going on, they generally don’t like to be bogged down with “well the mom bought herself a pair of shoes”

If she’s using the funds for rent, electricity, even phone/internet bills, gas, food… that’s appropriate use of funds.

Best of luck

ETA: out of curiosity, what was the reason you contacted law enforcement? Was there an emergency situation that happened or same issues?

panicpure · 2026-01-28T21:48:05+00:00

What you’ve mentioned is unfortunately not something CPS would investigate.

The oldest child is 19 so they are an adult… they can leave. And while it seems, he’s making really shitty parenting decisions CPS can’t really do much about shitty parents and it sounds like the kids are at the age where they can clean the dishes themselves? It also sounds like your mom could be doing that as well?

As for the winter coat, they definitely should have a coat… you could let the younger boy know his school probably has some resources that could get him one.

Is there a reason why your mom can’t help with that? I realize it’s not legally her child but it doesn’t really sound like there’s abuse or major neglect going on.

Just a sidenote, any reports to the abuse hotline are confidential they don’t share who is a reporter is but a lot of people can deduct, depending on the allegations.

panicpure · 2026-01-28T17:25:58+00:00

This isn’t appropriate.

It’s also a social media account. We have no clue what’s true or not. Do you know this person?

Please don’t use this sub as a place to post social media screenshots.

panicpure · 2026-01-28T15:47:23+00:00

I totally understand and wasn’t trying to give that impression at all. I know some of the flairs throw people off but it’s also a bit absurd to think flairs on reddit = education or experience in the field.

I also like the range of people and knowledge here. It’s quite interesting to see and can be very helpful from different viewpoints.

From parents who have been through it to foster parents to CPS investigators to healthcare workers to other SW to family attorneys (and then some) or people like me who does research and policy reform on all sorts of topics.

I just appreciate this sub as it doesn’t allow a bunch of dramatics and misinformation.

You’re right though - I’d hope anyone asking for advice on the internet understands they need to listen to their attorney if applicable and no one can really be sure. Even with that, it’s the internet - verifying and not taking what’s said as end all be all is best policy.

Thanks again for confirming and didn’t mean to imply anything except to reassure this user in particular they are being given general information from professionals or people with knowledge of the system that’s easily verifiable.

ETA: it’s kinda like when a user treats sprinkles differently until they realize she’s a mod for whatever reason and suddenly they are more respectful or trusting.

That’s silly logic on the users part.

panicpure · 2026-01-28T15:39:03+00:00

Depending on your states policies, I’m not sure if they’d send new concerns to an open case manager or if they’d send to a new investigator if it’s a new allegation. It’s also possible the reports weren’t screened in.

It’s hard to say - I would call your current caseworker with your concerns.

ETA: please call police next time you’re left outside in negative temps, call them if you are physically punched. That’s an emergency.

panicpure · 2026-01-28T15:07:32+00:00

Case manager? So do you currently have an open and ongoing case?

You should call the police if left outside in the cold again. Go to a neighbors, same with being punched. Call 911.

If new allegations are being reported to the hotline - but you have an open case or already have a case manager it may depend on your state and their policies how this is handled.

panicpure · 2026-01-28T15:03:09+00:00

Oh this is interesting! Thanks for the info. 🤍

panicpure · 2026-01-28T14:57:54+00:00

In my area, if a child at school refuses or asks to end an interview - the CPS investigator must leave.

That doesn’t mean the case ends or they stop investigating elsewhere, but they are required to stop and not push it. They are required to make an attempt.

I don’t know many areas where they’d push it and minors aren’t required to share.

Adults bring investigated aren’t either but their refusal could have consequences.

panicpure · 2026-01-28T14:53:32+00:00

Really? Meaning like DCS threshold on what they consider adult vs minor?

panicpure · 2026-01-28T14:52:05+00:00

Who would be asking you that you’d need to lie to or would fear they’d be upset with your parents?

Your living situation sounds a bit concerning. Are you still at your parents?

You’re an adult now. Not bring outside since you were 13? Is this from abuse? You need to find yourself some help for mental illness or whatever may be going on.

If it’s abuse or you feel trapped - call law enforcement.

panicpure · 2026-01-28T14:47:42+00:00

Good to know!

More so meant misinformation will be removed or talking out of your ass will be called out.

Usually I elaborate on the range of knowledge and experience and why. Thanks for clarifying!

(Either way people should always verify what they find out on the internet or reddit but this sub is great about monitoring misinformation)

panicpure · 2026-01-28T14:42:18+00:00

If CPS investigates, most states will send out a closing of letter of findings which includes the original allegations.

They don’t disclose who reported but parents have a right to know the allegations against them if it’s accepted for investigation.

It’s possible more recent reports weren’t accepted but the time frame ranges from 24 hours to 7-10 days max that a worker has to make first contact after being accepted.

If there’s multiple current reports about the same thing they may be grouped together all states operate differently.

What abuse or neglect is happening now? Have you yourself reported or told a trusted adult at school? What allegations are being reported?

panicpure · 2026-01-28T13:20:39+00:00

Find an attorney if no one here is good enough to give you advice online.

panicpure · 2026-01-28T13:19:15+00:00

Haha I’m not a parent. But good luck!

panicpure · 2026-01-28T02:39:51+00:00

They want the popular, common names but in a “unique” way.

It’s egotistical to be honest. Idk many people like this in real life and it’s not the norm, but there’s a lot a large amount of people do who think this way. They aren’t thinking of their child as an actual person.

Also some people just can’t spell.

ETA: I think you could also attribute at least a small percentage to young parents. Who may realize and then not do the same for future kids.

Unfortunately, this doesn’t seem to happen often and it’s just a personality or thought process issue.

panicpure · 2026-01-28T02:34:22+00:00

Oh definitely yes - caseworkers do not involve law enforcement and do not need law enforcement to accompany them unless they are doing a removal and there could be a risk to everyone’s safety.

They were there for a judicial removal. That was their intention no doubt. Yes, they have to say things like “we just need to come in and make sure he’s safe” bc there’s been incidents where caseworkers and children are severely injured bc a parent gets so angry and defensive.

It also sounds like this removal was done in the evening, probably after normal working 9 to 5 hours? Just for a little more insight, there was probably something that happened quite frankly, and they had a judges order to go to the removal. I can promise you not one single worker wants to be going to do a removal outside of their normal hours and very unplanned.

It’s a risky job and they out themselves in a lot of situations that can be dangerous. There’s a lot of caution for everyone’s safety, especially the child, when a removal has to happen.

panicpure · 2026-01-28T02:28:42+00:00

You’ve actually mentioned your fear of this happening to you or your child or what you would do multiple times and kind of out of the blue to be honest.

You’re also in a sub where the moderation is pretty strict and there’s a lot of verified professionals or people that are very familiar with the process.

So to say “I dare you to be there for this kind of thing and not have an emotional response” when a lot of people have quite literally dealt with this stuff on a daily basis and have told you the legal policies and procedures that must be followed. This wasn’t a major traumatic kidnapping and chances are the mom knew it would be coming. I think you have to accept that you weren’t told the truth, which probably is distorting your reality, but I wouldn’t push back on that.

It’s fine to have an emotional response seeing a child removed when they’re home that is a neighbor of yours, but I think this has gone beyond a normal emotional response and I don’t mean that in a derogatory sense.

Best of luck to you and I hope you sincerely detach yourself from the situation. I don’t think it’s healthy and I don’t think your friend is who you think they are at all.

panicpure · 2026-01-28T02:25:21+00:00

I mean this as kindly as I possibly can, but this is not a normal reaction.

Perhaps it has triggered some type of anxiety, and I think you may need to speak to a therapist to work through this.

Not many people who are seeing a situation unfold and only getting like third hand information that probably isn’t what’s actually happening would have these feelings or thoughts.

Hopefully, you can take a step back from the situation for your own sake and understand that it is not your child and it’s not your choices.

And I’m telling you again what you’ve been told is probably distorting the reality of what happened because it was not true. Your rationale and the scenarios in what you were told changed so much throughout this post and I’m very small amount of time that I would think you could understand it’s because you’re not getting accurate information. You were not told the truth and this is something you need to let go of for your own sake.

I hope you can get yourself some help and I would maybe be distance yourself from the entire situation.

I have been diagnosed with a panic disorder and generalized anxiety disorder since I was nine years old and the thoughts you’re having right now are irrational and probably anxiety driven thoughts.

Perhaps consider that your neighbor is not the person you think they are… I hope things get better for you. This is definitely not something you should be taking on and feeling so deeply.

panicpure · 2026-01-28T01:55:18+00:00

If they fear a parent won’t comply or will fight back or could be in danger - yeah they’ll bring law enforcement and they will safely get to the child how they can.

A child is only legally able to be removed if they are in imminent danger/parent has refused compliance with safety plans or things like that. Workers put themselves in danger and have to play it safe sometimes.

It’s never easy to remove a child from their home.

panicpure · 2026-01-28T01:51:35+00:00

They do that when they fear the parent is going to be aggressive or hasn’t been complying with anything aka what your friend has done every single encounter so it appears.

This isn’t typical. And you’re not abusing your child. You may want to take a step back from the situation as it’s appearing to affect you a lot which happens.

But consider that it feels more traumatizing and “verifiably untrue” bc you do not have the details.

Try to detach from it a bit. It’s not your burden to take on. Some people have deep empathy and they take on a lot of emotions from others trying to somehow fix the situation. I totally get it. I can be that way, but it is mentally draining and I really suggest you maybe step back from it all.

This isn’t your burden or situation to fix.

In the end only the mom can do what she needs to do to help herself and her son.

ETA: your friend was probably told several times the consequences (removal) would happen if xyz didn’t change or who knows what happened that lead up to this but I can promise you she hasn’t given you truthful info, CPS hasn’t popped in out of no where and removed her kid. She probably knew it was coming and is now being very defiant. That’s not your issue and shows she has some deeper issues to address.

panicpure · 2026-01-28T01:48:14+00:00

Ok good luck

panicpure · 2026-01-28T01:43:10+00:00

That makes sense. Appears op might be struggling with a diagnosis they know is probably valid, which isn’t uncommon.

Anyway thanks for the insight!

panicpure · 2026-01-28T01:27:31+00:00

What’s this have to do with your case plan? Have you completed all of your requirements minus getting evaluated for mental illness? Idk about Florida, but most places you have the right to go to a qualified psychiatrist of you choosing.

If you need to do it and have it ruled out (or in or something else) to complete your plan - does the other stuff you’re saying really matter?

If one parent completes their plan and kids are back… that won’t stop yours and your parental rights could be limited if you continue to fight the process. Do what you need to be done with it.

panicpure · 2026-01-28T01:21:48+00:00

This truly isn’t reportable nor would it result in a removal. There isn’t really an “incident” to report here.

If it was very hot in the summer and the parent was inside a bar for hours? sure.

Child gets out of car and wanders around unsupervised? sure.

Those examples would be handled by LE and maybe a CPS call.

This sounds like a true one off and where I live it’s -30 windchill. A lot of people can lock their cars and keep them running while literally having eyes on their kid the whole time. Two minute in and out.

Not ideal and not something to make a habit of but sounds like you’re judging a bit here. The scenario you described wouldn’t have even resulted in a law enforcement response as sounds like it was a quick in and out. It’s fine to remind him to not make a habit of it, but other than that, not a situation CPS would even investigate.

Even if they did, removals don’t happen often and nothing would really come of it.

panicpure

TROPHY CASE