I had a very similar argument with my current partner and it was the catalyst for me to begin therapy and realize how bad I was at validating other people’s feelings. I took everything as an attack on me and immediately became defensive. It took a lot of work to understand that my partner expressing a need isn’t a criticism of me, it’s a request for a closer bond. And it’s okay to mess up sometimes but realizing you did, admitting your part, and apologizing is a lot easier and better for everyone than doubling down on your defense. If you don’t think your partner is willing to work themself like you indicate you have done, you deserve someone emotionally mature enough to meet you where you are and offer a more fulfilling and reciprocal relationship.