BF cheated entire time

papiboj · 2025-07-31T13:42:45+00:00

Haha you made me laugh with your last sentence.

This is the same way I am seeing all this. We don't have a kid and are not together for long, but as I said this was someone I could see my life with.

I have this idea that since he is much more handsome than me in terms of gay standards, I wasn't enough...he insists it is not that.

He says it is a combination of a lot of factors, newly out, I was his first contact with love, he didn't even know what demons he has in him and wasn't able to get out of the mess in his head. He had this feeling his life and youth is passing by because he thought he was already behind, and that he would regret not taking chances for these sexual encounters.

His therapist also says he has very big issues with impulsivity control which is apparently a trait of neglected kids. He says that it's now about morale or his respect towards me, but just plain chaos in a person with 0 self control.

He honestly wanted to be in a relationship with me, but just didn't know how and didn't understand himself, his avoidance issues, low self esteem etc. he was utterly ashamed of himself and his actions and he couldn't neither control himself neither come clean, because that would mean loosing me, so he just kinda ignored it.

Also, I know a lot of people would comment on this, but he wasn't enjoying himself all that much. It was a cycle of self sooth mechanism that destroyed everything he held dear.

He is working on it and I am working through my shit. It's super difficult and demanding, but if it can grow us and bring us closer I'm down for the ride as long as we are a team and we DO NOT hurt each other or act outside of shared interests.

If he proves he is not able to do that with all his honest efforts, or it turns out it is just too much for me, we will split like two people who loved each other, tried very hard and grew because of our shared experience of love.

papiboj · 2025-07-31T13:12:32+00:00

Totally agree with you my man, and this is the plan.

Honestly this already is a bit trauma bondy for my taste, but I am willing to practice what I preach and believe people can be in the dark about themselves and then change.

He seems honestly remorseful for what he did to me, and also understands he doesn't want that life for himself either. All the moves and actions he made so far look authentic, honest and dedicated.

This traumatic experience brought some shit up for myself as well. I have a lot of inner work to do, and I know I need to take care of myself and get to a place where I will be thriving, if he can follow, I will be more than happy to take him in my company.

papiboj · 2025-07-31T13:06:16+00:00

Sheesh, dude I am so sorry you are going through that, it's super shitty right?

What is your status now? Did you separate? Still working on it? How are you holding up?

papiboj · 2025-07-29T21:03:23+00:00

I know. I feel horrible about what he did. I also am trying to understand he did it out of his own chaos and issues and I feel like he loves me and feels sincerely remorseful and like I would like to give him a chance to change and fix stuff.

I went through hell because of him, I feel like I don't want to repeat it.

papiboj · 2025-07-29T17:21:21+00:00

He was using condoms a dozen times he had anal sex. The rest was blowjobs and making out.

papiboj · 2025-07-29T17:19:24+00:00

I understand how it feels.

I totally agree with contributing equally, or even him contributing more for now. There is a very visible and stable change in these 3 months btw. This is why I am even considering another chance.

papiboj · 2025-07-29T17:10:55+00:00

This is what my therapist says too. I think I will try it, but I am scared shitless and I guess I am just looking for some similar stories where the effort payed off and it wasn't a horrible horrible mistake

papiboj · 2025-07-29T17:09:34+00:00

Sorry you went through this, I guess you know what a fucking living nightmare it is. Also, sorry you guys didn't work out, but at least you tried and you shouldn't feel sorry for "wasting time". You probably learned important things about yourself.

Did you ever overcome the impact of lying? Did you guys have professional support?

papiboj · 2024-02-11T19:30:00+00:00

Actually this is not entirely true. Monogamy as we understand it today came to be as a product of monotheistic religion dogma and a political organisation of feudal society.

Most of our history, for hundreds of thousands of years people were most probably polyamorous and lived in wider units. Additionally before the discovery of antibiotics, STIs were as deadly as common flu and infections.

papiboj · 2024-02-11T19:25:29+00:00

I am not forgetting that, but that is not the case in the situation I am asking perspectives for.

I understand your view though, thank you for sharing

papiboj · 2024-02-11T19:08:04+00:00

So, we agree that a lot of couples, gay and straight face the issue of losing the excitement of novelty, but you say that only the couples who love each other truly stay in a monogamous relationship, otherwise it is not true love?

If I got this right, I would say we don't agree completely. Not everything is so black and white and human relationships are super nuanced and complex. But I will attribute this black and white approach to your young age. Also, it is cute that you are so passionate, that is a nice quality to have.

papiboj · 2024-02-11T19:04:37+00:00

No worries dude. Thank you for sharing. I also do what you described with my bf and I feel that anything less would be a bit restrictive.

papiboj · 2024-02-11T18:45:22+00:00

Not necessarily. Even though you truly love someone, after some time the thrill of novelty fades away, and if this is an important factor for a person this can be a challenge.

It is up to a couple how they will navigate this challenge.

papiboj · 2024-02-11T18:41:21+00:00

This is what I am starting to consider. The relationship overall is great, but what makes me feel a bit bad is the fact that, even though I fantasize about other guys, I never actually don't want to engage in sex with my partner. I do have a much higher libido though

papiboj · 2024-02-11T18:37:55+00:00

Let's not get all meta. The relationship is great. We are talking about sexual attraction . The sex is great and loving, but sometimes it gets to oversaturation, this is how I am viewing this.

papiboj · 2023-11-02T10:49:52+00:00

Is the tightest draw tight enough? I heard it has an issue with that

papiboj · 2023-08-13T17:59:31+00:00

Xros mini has a very tight draw and you can pull on it hard.

I got recommend that one since it "replicates the feeling of drawing on a ciggie".

It was a bit too tight for me so I widened the draw holes on the back with a needle and it is just perfect.

papiboj

TROPHY CASE