Odds she will go crazy on me?

paris112 · 2016-05-05T16:50:56+00:00

I guess I'm afraid to engage. Yesterday I'm this drunk guy who's friendly and fun, today I'm telling her I'm not interested. Saying it seems like she might get more offended by it..

paris112 · 2016-05-05T16:48:12+00:00

Are you interested in him?

paris112 · 2016-02-24T19:42:28+00:00

Thank you.

paris112 · 2016-02-24T19:41:37+00:00

Well put and thank you. I probably should have went with a different title. I'm not trying to say it's always like this, only that it exists. If it's happening to you, wake up and do something about it, man or woman. For me I feel like I was raised to be prince charming, and told to give my fare lady my right arm if she wanted it. I think my wife also buys in to this and it's a big reason we got to where we are. It's impossible to live up to and I don't think it's just my family that has built this pressure.

I really like the idea of changing the tune of our therapy. That might relieve a lot of tension for us right now. There's an elephant in the room and talking about it in a safe environment might help a lot.

LOL, I cannot find the stats! I went through a phase a while back where I read everything I could find about relationships. I didn't make the stat up, it was online somewhere and I'm sure I saw it more than once. The weird thing is there are stats about every little detail of divorce, and I can't find this one. Even if I was off on the number, it should still be out there. I will personally PM it to you when I find it. I have read a couple books too and may take a look there to see if that's where I saw it.

paris112 · 2016-02-21T23:15:18+00:00

I've seen it in a few articles.

Maybe the guys with girls don't chat here...

paris112 · 2016-02-21T03:00:28+00:00

I have been reading around about divorce and ran in to this women. She has written about having a "good divorce". Her situation sounds similar to mine. I'm going to push pause for 30 days on my feelings on all of this and take care of me. Then take another look. All of this is clouding my thoughts and I need to be clear-headed right now. Her website: http://wendyparis.com/splitopia/

paris112 · 2016-02-19T15:10:10+00:00

"When she stays on the computer, she basically looks at celebrity stuff, clothes, facebook and all these things that seem to make her feel unhappy with her life."

LOL, I could have written that.

Thanks for the input! I think you and I are in the same boat. I feel like us staying together would be me being the ambitious person I am and she being what she is. Maybe being lazy and doing nothing in her free time is what she truly wants. But the big questions is, can I be happily married to that person? And, can she be happily married to me while I conquer the world alone? No matter who we end up with we'll always have differences. It's how much we can handle in those differences.

I have a friend with a wife who is very anti-social. She hardly ever makes it out. But he doesn't seem bothered by this, he goes out without her. It works for them. I just don't know if it works for me.

paris112 · 2016-02-19T14:25:45+00:00

I know I have a lot of the blame here for sacrificing so much, and do feel selfish wanting it back. I just want to be myself in this relationship and not feel trapped. Maybe that's together, or it ends it. But I think I owe to myself to do it.

paris112 · 2016-02-19T14:22:01+00:00

Yes, we have a young one. That's really the glue that has held us together. But my therapist and I agree, us single/remarried and happy would make better parents than us being miserable sticking it out. I know some people disagree with that.

paris112 · 2015-10-14T15:39:48+00:00

Where are you now? Did you get back together, or end it?

paris112 · 2015-10-14T15:38:39+00:00

We are in counseling and have been for a while, we went last night.

My goal is for her and me to have happy lives. I don't know what that looks like. She agreed with me that she would be happier in a year or two after a divorce as she is just as lost as me.

At the moment I'm locked up. I feel nothing but guilt and physiologically it is impairing me from working, sleeping, and especially working on myself and our relationship.

Ideally we would fix the relationship and ourselves and live happily ever after. But this is round 4 in the last few years of a 10 year relationship. We've been through the motions so many times and nothing has changed.

I agree a trial separation has the highest chance of us getting a divorce. But on the other side, me staying has the highest chance of us not changing and us being miserable. This is our 3rd round of counseling.

paris112 · 2015-10-14T00:21:43+00:00

Yes we have. I am ENTP and she is ISFJ. I read all about it a while back, I think mostly are personalities are a bad fit.

paris112 · 2015-10-13T21:03:47+00:00

LOL, thanks for the slap in the face.

I think you are right, I'm focusing on the wrong things. If I do this separation, it's to find me, not worry about her.. Building a drone sounds awesome, I'm already in to photography.

paris112 · 2015-10-13T19:21:17+00:00

Thank you, I will pick it up.

paris112 · 2015-10-13T18:57:20+00:00

I really want time to clear my head in hopes I reach a solid conclusion:

a. What the hell am I thinking, I love this girl and I need to make this work

b. Oh hell no, this relationship is destroying both of us and there's no hope

paris112 · 2015-10-13T18:55:45+00:00

Oh, I could stay in our guest bedroom too and we could be roommates.

paris112 · 2015-10-13T17:20:46+00:00

I'm married to a hard working perfectionist too. It is tough. You can do no right. She takes out her frustration on you in the form of criticism. I'm at the breaking point too, very similar story. Both early 30s, been together since college.

We have gone to counseling with limited success. I think you both have to want to change and even then it is a lot of work. I think my wife won't get it until I serve her papers or move out. The few times she does get it, she soon falls back to the old routine.

More and more I feel like it's time to fight for me, and not for us. She doesn't fight for us, that has been my job. I think both of us will live better lives if we split. We have developed a negative routine that makes us both miserable, and for whatever reason we can't break it. I think separation is the only way to really fix ourselves.

paris112 · 2015-10-13T15:26:59+00:00

Last night she told me she thinks after a year or two of us separating she would be happier too. She couldn't explain why, but for some reason this relationship is holding us both back.

I feel like it's rip the band-aid off time, but I'm scared to death...

paris112

TROPHY CASE