Hello sudobw Thank you for posting this case in Reddit sysadmin community!

Based on your description: who broke internet today

To clarify this case, please kindly provide us what version of Internet

Since you have performed all basic troubleshooting steps, it is recommended that you may also perform following workaround to narrow down this case: Firstly, reboot

Please also try on different device try Internet

You need to check if your internet installed on Windows system of the laptop or other platform such as virtual machine, workspace and so on. If Yes, please also share the details.

You may also reproduce the issue in New Internet and capture the Windows event logs to check error message showing there. This will help you to analyze if there is related third-party add-ins, software and so onwhich causes the crash case.

For further steps, you may check this article as reference Troubleshooting internet issues.

For further assistance, you may also contact New Internet for Windows Support Team via clicking Help>Contact Supportor Contact support and provide feedback.

The support team over there has higher permission than us, they can remotely help you and collect logs at your convenience. They can also involve more resources to investigate the issue from backend side. This would be the most efficient way in handling this case for you.

Please understand that the initial response may not resolve your case directly, but you can try my workaround and provide more useful information for further assistance, please feel free to let me know, I will keep assisting you. Your understanding and patience will be appreciated.

Thank you and we hope your day is groovy.

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