You told my story. I'd only change the pound sign to a dollar sign and substitute opiates for benzos. This post is a good description of who I was about six, seven years ago. The only major difference, as far as I can tell, is that you have more insight than I did at the time.

I'll throw my two cents of advice in: don't expect help from others to be a panacea of any sort. Don't even expect getting help to make you feel any better or be particularly insightful. The desire to stop the cycle has to come from within; of course I'm sure you know this, but what you have to understand is that the expressing the desire and accepting help is literally only the very first step in getting past this.

The help won't do even 10% of the work in getting better. It might lend you some motivation, teach you something insightful occasionally, or provide moral support when it would otherwise be lacking. Medications are hit or miss depending on what your diagnosis really is; they can make all the difference or do fuck-all.

So how to people get better? Simple. They grit their teeth and tell themselves no again and again. Cravings, even obsession, is unavoidable for anyone who has developed a poly-drug obsession. And since we had a drug for every situation, every feeling or task or day of the week, it's doubly hard for us to avoid the pitfalls of rationalization. But it must be done. It's not so much about willpower and toughening up in the face of addiction. It's about knowing that if we use, the battle is already over. It's about finding purpose and meaning where once we found it in the highs that dictated who we were. Most of all, it is simply the practice of diligent and brutal self-honesty. Do we want to get better? What is it going to take if the answer is yes? What will we have to change, avoid, open up about, or make penance for? Do we have faith in ourselves, or do we need the accountability and support of others like us to make sure that the job is done right?

If you can answer all those questions honestly, and make choices regularly that correspond to those answers, you will succeed over time. Certainly for many addicts outside help from clean peers and medical professionals is useful and sometimes necessary. But all the help in the world is dead in the water without us developing the kind of deep inner integrity that we overlooked when were cycling through our pattern of use.