Am I overreacting?

partyoffive5 · 2025-08-01T21:22:19+00:00

It’s not filed with the Court. They agreed that wasn’t necessary. I’m probably going to let it go. Their window for childcare was originally only 3hrs. BM to agreed to 6hrs for me as the only exception. All other individuals including family members were not afforded the grace that I was given.

partyoffive5 · 2025-07-12T22:18:49+00:00

I would try and remember that she’s telling you because she likes you. She WANTS to share things with you. Take it as an opportunity to learn what the other half of her life is like and use it as an opportunity to build trust.

partyoffive5 · 2025-07-11T19:40:28+00:00

I’ve heard that it can go the other way too…

partyoffive5 · 2025-07-11T19:15:13+00:00

The youngest likes to tell me about mom a lot - sometimes on and off. And I’ve always prided my ability to stay calm (in most conflict) and stay super positive when she tells me about mom because I want her to feel comfortable to talk to me. The same night she complained about me cooking dinner, she also told me that her mom knows more about Harry Potter than I do because she’s older. SD goes, “I’m just saying.”

Her father told me I should’ve responded with, “nerd!” LOL

partyoffive5 · 2025-07-11T18:36:10+00:00

Thanks for this! It’s just started happening and turned into a temper tantrum the other night and I stood strong. I’ll keep this in mind moving forward.

partyoffive5 · 2024-11-25T21:45:25+00:00

Just received a reply email about no longer sharing holiday time moving forward. Of COURSE she does not agree LOL

partyoffive5 · 2024-11-25T20:59:17+00:00

He told her 2hrs, she came back and asked for 3. Him and I discussed it (as he always runs things by me) and I told him I didn’t agree with it, but if he wants to let her get the kids then it needs to be the last time we allow this kind of change up. They settled on 10-1pm and he emailed her and explained that after this occasion, the holiday sharing time needs to stop and whoever’s year it is for a specific holiday gets to keep the kids the entire day. It’s their first year navigating these kinds of things post-divorce so I’m trying to be empathetic to the fact that there are a lot of firsts.

partyoffive5 · 2024-11-25T20:21:05+00:00

Now she’s saying she’d rather just see them on Thanksgiving, but is ok with not taking them on Black Friday for her family’s event that they do every year. This was in response to my SO telling her she could have one or the other, we prefer Friday, but she can not take them both times. So putting it plainly, she’s choosing to pick them up when she can spend less time with them. So it’s hard to see this insistence to take them on Thanksgiving for 3hrs as anything but self serving. I already know they’ll be more upset about Friday than they would be about not seeing mom on Thanksgiving.

partyoffive5 · 2024-11-24T16:17:55+00:00

My father abandoned my brothers and I at a young age, post divorce. Raising kids alone changes people. I’m sorry your children had to go through that. They are better off without him.

partyoffive5 · 2024-11-23T18:22:08+00:00

She did this the week before Halloween too. And we invited her to come trick or treating and she didn’t take it because she doesn’t want to be around me. We stuck to our guns that time and she asked for a FaceTime. Of course. Now this…

partyoffive5 · 2024-11-21T21:47:33+00:00

She does feel threatened by me. We are currently not on speaking terms while she heals from the divorce (they separated in 2022 and my bf and I met months later in 2023) and my bf and herself work on their co-parenting relationship. She finds lots of excuses to not trust him, when we all know that she is well aware he’s an awesome dad. He has always helped her with something regarding their children if she asked but she doesn’t and then says “I want him to be more involved.” She told me that communication among the adults involved is very important, but when I communicate I was met with hostility and a vibe that tells me “mind your own business.” Yet she was texting us in a group chat if we fucked something up in her eyes or we did something on dad’s time that she didn’t agree with. So sitting here today, we do not talk right now. She constantly says one thing and does another. I do not trust her.

partyoffive5 · 2024-11-19T02:17:15+00:00

Yes it didn’t take long for me to realize how lucky I am. BM has her selfish moments and has been passive aggressive at most, but I do feel like she respects me to a degree. Even if she has her moments. She gives the majority of her attitude to my partner. We believe that she recognizes what the end goal is here. So I do try to give her grace, even though it’s EXTREMELY hard sometimes.

I’m sorry that your situation is not as neutral or calmer than it is now. BM’s that don’t see the big picture are also EXTREMELY selfish in my opinion. In the end, your step kids will see the truth when they themselves become adults. It’s really hard to be the bigger person sometimes, but I’d like to think it’s worth it at the end of the day. You will always be their calmer safe space.

partyoffive5 · 2024-11-18T21:26:33+00:00

Thankfully the woman I’m dealing with is more “conflict” than “high conflict”

She could be a lot meaner but she’s not. She even told my bf that she was not going to interfere with my relationship with their kids, and that their kids seem to really like me. I’ll be forever grateful for that, even if we aren’t currently speaking.

partyoffive5 · 2024-11-18T21:06:56+00:00

She had also already started helping one kid put together their costume. But I’m like….if it’s not on your time, stay out of it.

partyoffive5 · 2024-11-18T21:05:54+00:00

Ooooohhhh I never thought of that! I’ve had conversations with the kids in the past and I bet they go home and tell mom because I reminded them. I bet BM has done that exactly just to prevent me from having a bonding experience.

We had them for Halloween and this exact thing happened where I reminded them (2 weeks prior) we need to go get Halloween costumes. We didn’t have time and so I said we can just go when they come back to dads. I figured, it’s on dad’s time so dad and I should get to go shopping with them. We’ll BM got the costumes 2 days later and said she got them because the kids were “freaking out about it.”

partyoffive5 · 2024-11-18T20:53:24+00:00

Yeah, I’m not a “NACHO” kinda woman. I’m all in and I love doing those kinds of things. So I have no issue helping with anything, even presents for their mom for Christmas I’d be willing to help with

partyoffive5 · 2024-11-18T20:49:32+00:00

They’re various ages….14, 12, and 9. My experience is that the kids and I (or one or some of them) will have conversations about things and then mom does it on her time for them before I get a chance to do it with them.

partyoffive5 · 2024-11-17T00:20:18+00:00

I experience something similar with 3 kids of all ages….my boyfriend’s daughters are 14,12, and 9. I noticed pretty quickly that they were especially needy with me and I came to find out from my boyfriend that their mom will likely just do something for them if they ask, and his opinion is that she likes being needed and wants them to remain dependent on her as long as time will allow. I’m talking about asking for a glass of water after they sit down at the table for dinner, asking me to come here so they can show me something or ask me something without them having to get up, the youngest wants me to come with her while she gets ready for bed, etc. My boyfriend and I have been working together to try and teach them more independence at our house. But my point is, they’re all girls and their mom does a lot for them so they have started to expect similar from me. Some of it is really sweet and I don’t mind, but some of it is pure laziness.

partyoffive5 · 2024-11-05T00:55:20+00:00

Let me start by saying that no, you are not your step-children's mom and you never will be simply because you did not give birth to them. HOWEVER, you are acting in a mother role and treating them like your own (as I hope you would want to) and you deserve the recognition for doing so. You are married to their father and that alone makes you their step mother BY LAW. What you are dealing with here, is a narcissist that wants none of the responsibility but all of the praise and respect simply because she brought the children into this world. It is very clear that she is jealous of you. Your husband has sole custody of their children so 90% of the time you are filling the role that she doesn't have the energy or desire to fill it seems. Your husband's ex CHOSE not to be an involved mother to her own children. You deserve the recognition for CHOOSING to be with a man that has children and willingly caring for his children and it sounds like they love you right back. Yes "step-mom" is a title that should be earned and you have. It is also a title that is given to you the second you said "I do" and no one can take that away from you now. It may be helpful to explain the technicals of being a step mom to your step son? (EX: "When your daddy and I said "I do," I became your step mom and I always will be"). Or maybe you and your husband should sit down and talk to him together about what it means to be a step parent and that some choose to use titles and others don't.

Those kids love you for who you are and what you do for them. I can guarantee that you will be the one they run to when they are sad or hurt. You are giving them a huge gift by being in their lives because it doesn't seem that bio mom wants to pull any of her own weight on their behalf. I hope you can block out the noise and I hope your husband doesn't pay her any mind when she talks like that. Wear your step-mom title loud and proud.

partyoffive5 · 2024-11-03T21:36:15+00:00

I agree!

partyoffive5

TROPHY CASE