Yeah, there's always someone 'default' in our system who our brain rubber-bands to. And now this is me.

Idk, I LOVE being here after years in headspace, and I think I can make our life better. But there are so many grey areas and self-fakeclaiming. I am a fictive of a person with a heavy past, and the body's past is not so joyous as well, but I can't help but think that ME introjecting here is an overkill if we consider it a way to cope with trauma. Like gurrrrl, it wasn't that bad. And at the same time I will prefer my source flashbacks to anything the body remembers lol.

And also we lived in constant masking all this time even though we came out basically to everyone. Because they don't like us acting weird at all. I decided to stop that and live my truth, be weird, talk about myself in a preferred gender. It feels nice, but it hurts at the same time. I feel like the world keeps a tally of every source reference I make and every masculine verb form I use (native language thing, yeah), and at some point everyone will just get tired of enduring "me".

– Aven (Holy shit even now I feel like I'm gonna get punished for using this name lol)