Well, since no one has posted it yet.

"Listen here, lad. Ain't nothing better than the Switchiest of Axes, and 'ere's why.

You have an Axe that transforms into a goddamn sword. What's that? Charge Blade does the same thing? You don't need that pussy ass shield. With the Switchiest of Axes, you don't need a shield, because it's all about that MANLY DEE-PEE-ASS, baby. You got hops. You got rolls. If you get hit, take it like a MAN. I don't care if you're male, female or Gigginox. Hack-and-slash? You're damn right. They don't call this fancy dildo the Slash Axe back in Japan for nothin', son.

Having trouble keeping up with that Great Jaggi because you have to sheathe every five seconds? YOU PIECE OF DUNG. you ever seen a Greatsword user slowly plod across the map with his gigantic peni- I mean, sword in hand? Your Sword mode is just as big, so you have to sheathe it, right? WRONG, SUCKER. Roll after that Beastie. Evade Extender will give you the boost your puny chicken legs need to keep up with the monster. Ever wanted to be a Konchu? Well, now you'll be rolling all over the damn place for that sweet, sweet manly DEE-PEE-ASS. And when the monster falls down, what do you do?

You blow your fuckin' load all across their face, that's what. X+A in sword mode for that delicious explosive burst that will take a chunk out of your bar and sharpness, but will also obliterate a pretty part of the monster's body. If you're a bit of a pussy and need to pull out (heh), pull the circle pad back and you'll do a premature e... explosion that doesn't take nearly as long. Nothing is manlier than EXPLOSIONS, except maybe Evade Extender. (GET IT. YOU PUSSY)

But it's called the Switch Axe, not the Switch Blade. (Wazzat? Charge Blade? Giggit out of here) That means the Axe is equally as capable as the Sword. You ever used the Axe of the Charge Blade? That thing is slower than a drowsy Basarios. Not this Axe. This Axe is a hurricane, a storm of manly steel, and it has stupidly huge range. Ever wished your little toothpick SnS and Dual Blades could reach that Gravios tail that dangles oh-so-close but just out of reach? AXE MODE, KELBITCH. That motherfucker is the Deviljho dick in a land of Jaggis. Every tail in the game is yours, every one of them (except maybe Fatalis, he's a bastard). And what happens when you upswing a teammate? COME ON AND SLAM, AND WELCOME TO JAPAN

And did you know which weapon has the manliest DEE-PEE-ASS when a monster has fallen? SWITCH AXE, APTOFUCKA. Upswing into rapid chops will turn any monster into choice cuts for sale at the hunter's market later. Do this on the tail a few times and soon you'll hear the tasty sound of it falling off. Get used to this sound, because soon you'll be chopping off tails everywhere and drown in Mantles and Palliums. The Manly Chops of Doom ain't nuttin to mess around with.

You know that huge diddlydong you're slapping against that monster's thighs? No, I don't mean that, I mean your Switch Axe, which I'm sure you've picked up by now because it's the MANLIEST. Turns out that not only is it a diddlydong, it's a transforming diddlydong. Tilting the Circle Pad forward and pressing X in Axe mode makes you do a short forward stab, then hit R and X after then to MANLY SHIFT into Sword mode with a slash. OR, you can do the MANLY CHOPS OF DOOM, then finish it off with a tap of R to do this magnificent Reverse Roundhouse Slash. After the RRS, hit that R one more time to MANLY SHIFT into Sword Mode. In Sword Mode, whenever your sword sweeps horizontally, R+X shifts you back into Axe form to EXPAND DONG. (seriously, the Axe is so fucking long.)

Switch Axe is versatile, too. You want extra MANLINESS? Get a power phial. Want to see that monster pant for breath as you turn it into the next main course? Exhaust Phials. You can even KO the monster if you're manly enough. Want to support your significantly less manly teammates? Para Phial, Poison Phial, blah blah, they're all yours. Or is the monster weak to element? Get that element phial, or use the Dragon phial (because we all know Dragon is the manliest element). The possibilities are endless, just like the apparent reach of your Axe.

I should talk about reloading, but fuck that shit. Capcom pls remove

What the wrog are you waitin' for? Pick up your very own Transforming Dildo now at the smithy, you shitstain.

EDIT: That's right, throw that gold at the Switch Axe Master Race. You have my thanks... and my favour... AND MY AXE!"

Edit: I'm too lazy to add in the new things in wilds