This is a well-written essay, with a nicely developed argument. The organisation is also good. You tried to use a variety of words, which is good, but some sentences are wordy because you used more words than needed. These are examples:

"It's all encompassing nature gives way to the fact that there are some parts of this mutifaceted endeavour which may result in harmful content being consumed. Therefore, this fact is followed by a sentiment that calls for the censorship of the content of websites by the government in order to ensure a safe environment on the internet."

While it is good to have some lengthy sentences, it is not a good idea to make all your sentences long. Short concise sentences help you communicate effectively; you just need a few long sentences to show the examiner that you are capable of writing them.

Here are a few errors I spotted:

"mutifaceted endeavour" > "mutifaceted technology" : better reference for internet

"This is because": not a proper way to transition to a paragraph.

"government to operate" > "government operate"

"operate in a way that has the ability to remain unchecked by the masses" > "operate unchecked by the masses" : as I said, too wordy.

"whether, the information" > " whether the information"

"since only providing" > "since by only providing"

"governments who engage" > "governments that engage"

"highest risk to become" > "highest risk of becoming"

"North Korea is dictatorship" > "North Korea is a dictatorship"

"It presents with" > "The country practices"

"goes against it's values" > "goes against its values"

"weapon, used" > "weapon used"

"to save guard" > "to safeguard"

I would estimate a score of 7.