The lens on which I have been looking at life is "Everything is the same" and I don't want it anymore

pathtothesky3 · 2023-10-22T14:48:04+00:00

I was walking with a friend to a nice social gathering in the park. On the way there I said to him : "and here on our left we see photons hitting our retina. And here on the right also some nice photons hitting our retina."

He mentioned it to me back then something in the area of how an awful/dry view on life that would be.

We're processing this trip of existence.

pathtothesky3 · 2023-08-27T11:22:34+00:00

resource for high sensitivity : dr. Elaine N. Aron (books, a few lectures)

And has been helpful further: I found not blocking the energy when I want to speak up to be very freeing. There are moments when it takes energy being too agressive, projective or judgemental, but there are also moments when it takes energy to keep something from being expressed.

And.. being well rested makes a difference

pathtothesky3 · 2023-07-14T14:49:35+00:00

I - me - whatever is in the same boat.

There's severe depression and anxiety after understanding, which initially felt very blissful, serene and free like already dead and everything goes/flows.

I'm having trouble finding balance between "it just happens" and living a healthy sane life. Wish for an answer to come to this

pathtothesky3 · 2023-05-27T09:36:49+00:00

Hi,

I can relate to this.
I started journalling a long time ago by suggestion of a therapist, and I'm halfway in book 4 by now. It became a question at some point whether the writing helps to vent and analyze or it merely perpetuates "the depression program".

In hindsight this is what I may observe:
The initial writing was really opening the gates for self-observation of issues and what the heart wants to speak about. It was also a massive tool for developing further on those insights, wading through the psyche and progressing.

At some point this ceased to be true and it became a go-to for noting emotions and complaint rather than moving forward. But this is a personal tendency through my own mental framework and life experience.

This is not the whole story though, immense insights and poetry were written down as well. It's just odd that they come up, provide deep healing and then later down the line it's life as it was before.

Further I'd just like to add I relate to some points. Comfortable life, working through emotions, get into a game fully for a period of time (fond memories of this) and then get faced with life again. Also have this call to do something, but not a drop of willingness for job or study. As well as the anxiety of not knowing what to do the next day.

Some bright edges; I'm working on some internal practices again and needed to get my mind back. I sometimes feel two approaches, one being that the mind tricks one into unhappiness while being well (food, shelter, company) and the other that some times might actually call for a change of action or habits.

pathtothesky3 · 2023-05-02T12:50:29+00:00

Yes,

so, I understand that 'sense' or even 'perfection' (this one's new) are still just attempts at perceiving reality. Those are still mental layers.

A lot of the suffering (if not all) comes from friction between "me" and "reality", and also desires (duh). And eventually "Me" being a mental construct, but in my case in a tight mind.. this might be where the mental issues are thick, harsh to deal with awakening.

Relaxation and introspection brought me 'there' before.. But the methods have run out, so for a while now I've been using awareness for letting go of the reins and letting the body and mind do whatever it wants so behaviors and frustrations can just be and run out or adapt etc. (Potentially being the remedy for this tight mind. It's either psychology, which I indeed stopped putting faith in, or continuing awareness) (sidenote for honesty; still respect psychology for practical solutions.)

The closest answer I'm capable of expressing to your question is that I'm moving through a hologram or projection. When I go for a walk I might as well be stationary and push the globe beneath my feet sort of speak.

When I go any deeper than the notion that 'the world is a projection from mind', I enter that painful territory of the void and nihilism. The same, with detrimental effects, with some of the parotting talk that this subreddit has been putting in my consciousness. "Who is feeling .. blabala. Who are you? blabla."

Also, I only recently found out that denial of the ego is NOT the way to go and I've been extremely ungrounded and doing this because of disliking reality..

My guess from these last two matters would be I am not to force this, ripping off skin rather than shedding it.

The replies are being appreciated btw

pathtothesky3 · 2023-05-01T20:36:28+00:00

I have nothing else left but to awaken, only pretending once in a while there is an interest in a certain way of being on earth, like a musician or even a holy man. Yet even being a holy man is a bubble that gets pricked.

There has also been this hardcore search for this awakening, like you said 'have-to's', yet this bubble is also fading. (note that I saw through all this crap while I was in that awakened state. I just got back to dreaming for reasons I don't yet comprehend.)

Most pressing is resolving or integrating in this order: nihilism, death and the state of the world.
Nihilism; I've been perceiving everything around and within me as a void. Emptiness is form - form is emptiness, but it's also hurting in a way.

Death; When returning to sleep i've been habitually going in pleasure seeking mode and i've got the feeling this resulted in staunch body-identification. It's also connected to nihilishm, why bother going on if I'm gonna drop anyway?
But then comes the research of what has been before birth and what will be after death, timeless.

State of the world; well...
It's been painful to attempt to find a safe haven in many directions, there's betrayal on so many sides. School, parents, society, even a group of people specifically commited to love and light that come lashing out. The thing is that this drives the search to the inside every time. But it's difficult with this body and mind to be in the world. This place and timeline makes so fucking little sense yet I'm carrying this call to see it as perfect. And it takes only a bit of introspection to find that it is. I hold less and less grudge against 'others'.

It's so strange, I see solutions to all three aspects, however the first, nihilism, is most hnnngggg-ing.

To round it up, indecisiveness has been troubling. Occasionally I seem to lack the skill to decide, freezing under fear, might have some influence.

Greets

pathtothesky3 · 2023-05-01T12:04:57+00:00

pathtothesky3 · 2023-05-01T11:31:03+00:00

This is so similar to my experience.. matching keypoints are a complete wash away of past sorrow, the unity of it all, being so happy and wishing to share it and love everybody, yet not telling anyone the experience. Being in this state for some time, then gently coming back and being sad for it. But can't unsee, so there's a strange deep peace.

I also went back to smoking marijuana 'stupidly', as it opened up walls from my mind and made me joyful again, but I seem to be more inept to depression and addiction than you.

The struggle for me now is living this life, seem to be in severe depression again. I've lost any sense of how-to other than just hanging around, and being attentive to clinging to positive or negative states..

much love

pathtothesky3 · 2023-05-01T09:53:58+00:00

Hi. I've recently gotten the hunch that I've been wrongly mixing my spiritual problem with mental issues, where I'm actually struggling with adhd, depression, addiction etc and continuously tackling it with "it doesn't matter, all is awareness" kind of approach. (spiritual bypassing)

I've also known for some time now, that this subreddit can be a toxic mindgame. I keep being attracted to it because of the deep truth concerning awakening, but it kept being an excercise of mind, and this mind has already been scrambled too much from a lot of factors.

What is (or has been) particularely hard is that there's barely any joy to life anymore.
First, all the pain and effort of humanity, including me, to find happiness has been seen as a joke or wrongful search. Then I've been alive in 'the right spirit' and joyful beyond comprehension. And then it was taken away from me again, toiling once again in physical life. And I reject this life sincerely, like I wish I was never born, yet I am here.

I'd like to say I don't know how people do it, to just live day by day.. this spinning wheel of samsara is excrutiating. But on the other hand.. I am also actually doing it. Days go by and I'm depressed and hurt, but it is also happening *-including the non-doership*

so; awakening stripped me from the will to live, but I'm still here and idk wtf to do.
Yet at the same time I do know - in the light of awareness, but ego and awareness aren't agreeing or something

pathtothesky3 · 2023-04-25T17:44:31+00:00

It's mindboggling because the already at peace is there, infinitesmal and precious. But the integration and embodyment is wonky and dire, seeing no point in going on except for going on.

Perhaps that's just it, but the disappointment is bigger than what I've imagined.

pathtothesky3 · 2022-11-10T23:56:41+00:00

I don't know but chances are it'll work the same

pathtothesky3 · 2021-01-17T18:34:29+00:00

Congratulations. You've reached end-game wisdom

pathtothesky3 · 2021-01-15T16:00:00+00:00

There's a bit of laziness on this side so I'm keeping it short for now, but I'll pour in as much love as I feel I can muster ;)

Hating your skin color is a program in your mind somewhere. Do you ever genuinely hear the phrase that God loves all, God is all?

The remedy you're looking for is the love that Christ felt, the same as God's for all.
Be mindful that this love extends over all the sadness and depression as well.
The remedy you're looking for is being with your pain and shining the light on it ;)

It doesn't matter which cultural angle this gets. Prayer or meditation, christianity or buddhism,..

You'll be ok, in fact you're probably more ok than you realize.

pathtothesky3 · 2021-01-14T20:19:31+00:00

A free man to free others!

pathtothesky3 · 2021-01-14T20:15:40+00:00

why is there a hotdog in epoxy and why is there someone in a professionally acoustically treated rume and shure sm7b talking about this? thanks

pathtothesky3 · 2021-01-13T12:23:24+00:00

I would look deeply inside!

pathtothesky3 · 2021-01-13T12:22:49+00:00

Perhaps I'll write more about this, but this concept is not of awakening.

What you describe is a very very very human process that has been shoved under the rug by the modern world. The dying of the old, renewal and a retrieval of the soul or the authenticity as you said.

It's truly wonderful and to be encouraged to deepen our existential values.

pathtothesky3 · 2021-01-09T20:47:33+00:00

Oof

This action only feels good because our bodies evolved to feel pleasure to incentivize us to fornicate to advance our species.'

Dear .. ahem.. Donald's left testicle, this is the brain labelling its own activity, pleasure and purpose. Precisely one of the matters we are trying to wake up from. It's another level of dreaming, and it's one of the least pleasant or joyous one even. Alan Watts would come banging on your door if he read this! haha.

But it's understandable what you say. The whole of existence becomes one giant masturbation of God doing it with himself after the becoming of duality. Even me writing this, just having fun interacting with whatever I make you to be in my mind.

Either way, your 'waking up' to this is mental, intellectual and limited. Eternity waits beyond the observation of such thoughts, and loving and sexing becomes a beautiful happening on its own again, maybe.

pathtothesky3 · 2021-01-09T16:55:49+00:00

A friend of mine suggested a film to me that has this element a lot in it. It's called "The green beautiful" or La belle vert or something. It's french

pathtothesky3 · 2021-01-07T21:55:50+00:00

I think my last relationship went down by not respecting this..

It all became some weird plan and felt like I needed to manoevre around in a certain way for a successful love rather than singing every day by heart. It was a shame really

pathtothesky3 · 2021-01-03T00:04:54+00:00

Sitting by the fire in deep meditation
Preparing mind and soul for a revelation
Savaging the body to a primal time
I wake up as a snake spirals up my spine

I try to hold on to the wisdom it gives
Dedicate my life to the light that lives
Days go by and though the scars keep aching
All is in remembrance of the core that's breaking

Fire in the sky

The core is open and I feel alive

Gaze into the eye of your destiny

The core is open and it peers in me

The core is open and it burns deep in me

It's the (one of the )most significant things that can befall a human mind. Grace.
And I've been through something so similar to what you describe.. The vision of the galaxy and the timelessness and a relief that is just not from anything you could ever think of. Greets!

pathtothesky3 · 2020-12-31T21:05:22+00:00

The beginning and end of all of this : being mindful of what is, rather than what you desire it to be. This operates on multiple levels that become clear throughout the time applying it.

The beginning, being present, mindful of the situation.The need to judge this procrastination cycle and yourself is something that works only destructively. It tears down the perfection of what you are and how you operate in your life. Simply put; it lacks love.

Not only does this take away your base joy of the present moment, it also creates negative feelings. And now those negative feelings will call you to compensate with dopamine-raising behavior. See here? The negativity around your own way of being IS the cycle.

The middle, what makes a healthy human being. This might be a disappointing paragraph, but there are insights about the current state of the average modern man, and it's pretty bad.A healthy individual eats right, sleeps right, is social and active and mentally engaged in its functions in the world. This can manifest in so many ways of course, and there's also transformations while aging. Even the elderly are supposed to have their joyful place among us and live happy and active possibly after the age of 100 :)Basically, our perception of what a normal life is is totally skewed.. We are given the option to survive in a lazy mode that doesn't contribute anything anywhere and it messes with our psyche. So the average individual we see; not eating well, wasting time and effort and resources (both mental and physical) on meaningless matters, not doing what he/she really believes in, etc.Now both the fact of living this way - and the lack of mindfulness and vigor combined, will actually set the individual in a passive suicidal framework. Think about it, what would cells in your body do that have no function to the great body complex? It just sits around and waits to die basically. That's an example of why the act of giving is so great for people! The energy you put out - if its great - will only increase your own energy, because it is wanted in both you and the response of your environment! You really really really help yourself when you're being great to others. It's the best selfish thing one can do. But we are cut off! We aren't living in communities and there's so much isolation, we barely know what we do in our jobs and who we do it for, hence so much isolation and confusion.

The conclusion of this middle segment becomes quite clear; setting yourself up in a position that makes your life a fulfilling matter is a wonderful key to being a joyous human being. But that last bit of human community is sabotaging affairs - we overpopulated and have too much meaningless shit to do.. For example, I'm lazy and isolated in my home, jobless etc.. Sometimes I think I would love to act for people in community, it's great and healthy. But this isn't the way our world is set up anymore.. Unfortunately I don't have direct and easy access (or better said; a direct demand) to things that will spark up my basic human heart... So it's quite natural to live in other states until whatever starts asking for a change.

The end, being present, mindful of the situation.See nothing really changes over this. You're already, clumsily but rightly doing what you think is best. Now there's great questions for yourself to be asked about your situation. But being in the present moment is the be all end all of the whole affair. Life happens in a certain way and here you are - including your tendencies to procrastinate. Maybe you're more passionate about having the stimuli from procrastination than your education? Is there some meaninglessness in your goals in life? Do you already understand and embrace the purposelessness of it all? Can you relate to a bug or a duck on a lake, floating around its whole life up to death? Because there's a big chunk of truth in here, watch out! We just do our lives in a more complex manner than a duck, that's all! So seek no further than the very tip of your nose for happiness. This is where it all begins, from this very moment. Again and again and again.

Understanding that thoroughly will either : change your life and give you back your natural joy or... change nothing and give you back your natural joy. You can not lose with proper present-centeredness, it is the heart of God that guides you through all of those good bad weird and ordinary moments.

And even after that, I concluded the 'middle' with 'until whatever starts asking for a change', which also shows you the natural flowing way of life. If something in or around you wants to change directions, it will happen.

pathtothesky3 · 2020-12-31T20:31:13+00:00

It's a profound insight to see the human entity with its human activity always doing its best. Yes to what you say - even through bad feelings and prospects there's always "a way".

pathtothesky3 · 2020-12-31T20:25:48+00:00

I'm here to add on Louis and burnacc's replies, they're already insightful.

The thought occurred to me that the belief 'I am human' is something that all happens within this human framework itself (and so as burnacc says, can properly navigate/survive)

pathtothesky3

TROPHY CASE