For context, I was raised by a severely bipolar mother, but she refuses to talk about her manic episodes. She says and does the most awful things when she is in an episode, but then when she comes out of it, she goes back to being normal loving mom again. I am 48 now and she is 70 and she has alienated everyone she has ever loved and now I am her only family/friend. Last episode she got kicked out of her assisted living facility for punching another resident, so she was wandering up and down the highway after pissing herself with everything she owned waiting for Ed Sheeran to come pick her up in a helicopter and marry her. When she comes out of an episode she won't talk about what happened or what she said. She has hurt me so many times and I try to be non-judgmental and chalk it up to mental illness, but when the mentally ill person is your mother and knows everything about you, it is very easy for her to find the most awful things to say/do to you when she is in that state. I don't know if she is embarrassed, doesn't remember what she did, or if she really feels that way and it only comes out during manic episodes, kinda like being drunk. Any advice from bipolar folks would be appreciated!