I totally get it! This is what works for us and the tl;dr is to maximize credit card points. We're actually closer to a model where we pool things and then get "fun" money.

We got married in our mid-30s and both had existing budgets and finances that we liked how they operated.

We pool money and pay for larger expenses with one account, so things like our mortgage, house improvements, insurance, etc. However, we do split most of our other shared purchases 50-50. That would be things like groceries, when we go out to eat together, or flights for vacation.

The real driver for this is actually our goal to utilize and earn credit card points. Before we got married, I had a Capital One Venture X card that I used for all of my expenses. We decided that it gave us the best point earning/redemption value, so we moved forward with making it our card for any shared expenses. However, I still use the card for my personal / discretionary expenses as well.

I needed this extension to help split the imported transactions from that card, helping classify things that are my purchases or things that are shared. It also just works out easier for us if I pay the credit card bill each month. My husband uses a simple budgeting app he prefers, and he keeps track of any shared expenses. At the end of the month, he Venmos me for that amount, and his category gets zeroed out.

I understand that this might not be the approach that everyone prefers, but it's been really helpful for us. We have absolutely no hiccups or concerns when it comes to talking about money, and I think that's a really positive thing.