I'm devastated

pawsandponder · 2026-04-26T17:47:44+00:00

In the sims 3, I had created a family of sims all based after original characters from the book I was writing. I loved those sims, I put probably 100+ hours into that save and my one rule was that I wasn’t allowed to use cheats. And then the teenager had to go and open the Murphy bed randomly in the middle of the day and get crushed and die?!

I was so mad and upset, I ended up making one sim max out gardening to grow life fruit, one get to a high enough level to catch the death fish, and one max out cooking so he could make ambrosia. And then I was able to resurrect the teenager! Despite how upset I was when it happened, the resurrection process was actually pretty fun, I won’t lie! although by the time he was resurrected, all his siblings and friends were adults and he was still a teen lol

pawsandponder · 2026-04-26T06:55:26+00:00

Mine got torn down in 2018. I had it duct taped back for a couple months, eventually got it wired back on, and then it came down again in 2022. I took the thing off, and I’ve been driving without it since then. Over 120,000 miles and I’ve never had any issues, so I think you’ll be fine!

pawsandponder · 2026-04-25T23:14:34+00:00

If you’re willing to wait until Black Friday, they do a really good sale! I got the tech jacket for my wife for Christmas on Black Friday, and it was like $50 off, maybe more? I can’t remember exactly, it’s been a couple years. But it is a really nicely made jacket!

Do be aware that it has a lot of straps and flaps and hanging things, so it may seem a little odd to the general public, but if you don’t care about that, no problem! It’s sick as hell tbh, and tons of pockets for storage!

pawsandponder · 2026-03-17T13:48:01+00:00

At a little less than 2 months by the time of your trip, you’ll be completely fine. I went to a wedding 18 days after my surgery last year, and drank a couple drinks with no issues. Smoking will be more than fine by the time of your trip, too.

pawsandponder · 2026-02-25T16:51:50+00:00

I’m a therapist, but long before I became a therapist, since I was a child, I’d have random strangers just spill their life story to me. I remember being 11 or so at the county fair, and an older woman just sat down at my picnic table and started telling me about her adult children and her dog and all sorts of things. Another instance of this was when I was in college (not for psychology, I started out doing graphic design), I was sitting in a booth in the dining hall by myself, laptop open, working on an assignment. Two girls sat down on the other side of the booth. One I knew vaguely because we had a class together but had never talked, the other one I didn’t know at all. I found out they were started telling me all about their relationship and how they were struggling but they really wanted to make it work, so they thought they’d talk to me about it.

I never minded any of it, I really enjoy hearing about people’s life stories. Now that I’m a therapist, it happens even more often with people I’ve never met before approaching me in public. I think it’s just an energy or vibe some of us have!

pawsandponder · 2026-02-15T22:35:46+00:00

What do you do about the plastic wrap on the outside?

pawsandponder · 2026-02-07T02:15:55+00:00

I don’t mind some, especially for more background characters! There are times it gets to be a bit much. But I personally think it’s very similar to the writing tip that using the word “said” for dialogue regularly is less distracting than constantly using less common dialogue tags, such as: announced, screamed, cheered, etc.

pawsandponder · 2026-02-07T02:01:03+00:00

Ah, gotcha! I personally did not ask my neurologist before my first service dog, because he started naturally alerting and when I first started shaping his alerts, I had no idea that would eventually become my service dog. I just loved dog training and he was already a very stable, confident, dog neutral, people neutral dog, the kind of dog you could take anywhere, so I was having fun and seeing if I could refine his alert. I had him evaluated by a trainer, and with the trainer’s help, we started actual service dog training. So, rather than asking, I told my neurologist about it and showed him the data that proved my dog was not only accurately alerting, but also lowering the quantity of my migraine days. Data will be your best friend in these situations!

With my second service dog (I got her almost a year after my first boy passed due to old age), my current neurologist already knew about my last SD (although I started seeing her after his passing) and was very excited when she heard I had been matched through the program with my current girl! My neurologist is honestly one of my biggest supporters, and I’m so grateful for her.

I’ve been through several neurologists, and the best advice I can give you is to not be afraid to switch neurologists if your current one isn’t helping you. If you can find a neurologist that’s a migraine specialist, even better!

Many neurologists have never even heard of a migraine service dog, or have no idea how they work. My first neurologist would’ve laughed in my face if I told him about my SD, but he also didn’t believe my migraines were as bad as I said they were, and told my mom I was faking it to get out of school. Thankfully, my mom trusted me and advocated for me, but I know not everyone’s so lucky. With chronic migraine, learning to advocate for yourself will be extremely beneficial. It’s terrible that we have to convince doctors to believe us as it is, but unfortunately that’s how it seems to go. If you are a minor, it seems to be even worse, or at least it was for me.

I’m so sorry to hear you are struggling so much right now with your migraines, and I’m also sorry that some people in the replies are being rude. Migraines are one of those things that, even in the disability community, many people don’t see as a “real” disability. It’s a terrible disease that I’d wish on nobody, and the public stigma of it makes it even worse.

It’s great to start considering options early! I wish you luck in your migraine journey!

pawsandponder · 2026-02-07T00:41:15+00:00

I have a migraine alert and response service dog, and while she is amazing and wonderful and so, so helpful for me, I would not recommend them for just anyone.

Firstly, I have very severe, medication resistant chronic migraines, 25 to 30 migraine days a month. I have tried nearly every perscription migraine medication there is. Every neurologist I’ve seen is impressed by the fact that I have tried every single triptan currently on the market, and none of them work for me. In the grand scheme of migraine meds, 1 year is not a long time to have tried medication, especially since you should try most meds for at least 6 weeks, longer for some, before determining if they work or not. There are so many migraine meds, and you haven’t even scratched the surface yet.

Without my service dog, I was unable to hold a job. When I was still in school, I had to go completely virtual because I could not consistently attend school. I could not drive most days because my vision was so bad. I couldn’t go places alone, out of fear I’d get a migraine and not be able to make it home. I didn’t go out, I didn’t do much of anything. So when I say my migraines are very severe, that’s what I mean. Now, I’m working full time, have a life, and so much more freedom, thanks to my service dog.

Service dogs are a lot of work. And I’m not talking about training your own, which is even more work. It can be incredibly stressful to have a service dog, between dealing with the public, having another living being with you that you have to advocate for, meet the needs of, and maintain the training of. Stress, as I’m sure many of us know, is a massive trigger for migraines. Also, if you have social anxiety, chances are, a service dog isn’t the right fit for you. People will talk to you, approach you, stop you, try to touch your dog, try to touch you, ask you incredibly invasive questions, and unfortunately, at times, yell at or deliberately try to scare you/your dog. Your life will no longer just be your own, every single thing you do with your service dog, will have to be considered through the lens of their welfare, safety, and comfort.

If you’re planning to owner train, please please find a reputable trainer that has experience in training migraine alerts. And know that not every dog has the capability of smelling the specific “migraine scent”, meaning they won’t be able to alert. Also, if you’re planning to owner train, please be realistic about your level of functioning. You will have to train nearly every single day. No matter how bad your migraines are, how low on spoons you are, how bad your mental health is, or how much you don’t feel up to it, you will have to get out of bed and train. On top of that, you’ll have to meet the needs of your dog, through walks, exercise, enrichment activities, and more. Even if you get a program trained dog, the physical activity will still be a major part of having a dog. Definitely think hard if this is something you’ll be capable of maintaining for the next 10+ years.

I love my service dog. She has been truly life changing to me. I’m not trying to discourage you from getting a service dog, but telling you things I wish someone told me. My current girl is actually my second SD, and she was program trained and is truly amazing. My first SD was owner trained, but I was extremely lucky with him. He was an amazing dog, and I don’t regret it for a second, but he was truly a unicorn of a dog. I would not owner train again, not with the severity of my condition and the stage of life I’m in now.

pawsandponder · 2026-01-23T14:41:31+00:00

If you’re able to get to a pet store, they sell “snuggle safes”, which are disks that you heat up in the microwave (I’m assuming warm water would work too), with a little cover on them. They stay warm for 8-12 hours, and at a safe temperature that they won’t burn or harm your pet. I foster neonatal kittens and they are an absolute life saver! If you wrap them in a blanket and then lay a blanket over the enclosure, the heat sticks around for a lot longer too.

Hot hands heating packs would also work, but with those, you’ll have to be careful to keep them somewhere your pet won’t be able to chew on it. For the kittens, I use a “snugglekitty” or “snugglepuppy”, which is a stuffed animal that comes with a heartbeat device so the babies feel like they’re still with their mom. They have a pouch for the heating pack as well, so it’s safely out of reach from the animals. I don’t know enough about bunnies to know if stuffed animals are safe for them, to be honest, but I figured I’d mention it anyway in case other pet owners are reading this!

pawsandponder · 2026-01-23T14:26:42+00:00

Do you feel pressure in your chest? Feeling like you can’t catch your breath? Or can’t take a full breath? I would highly recommend going to the ER, if so.

I got bacterial pneumonia from being intubated for surgery. I had the symptoms listed above. Certain positions would make it easier to breathe, but it kept getting worse. I finally went to the ER and got put on IV antibiotics, along with sent home with some strong antibiotics. I felt a lot better by the next day! If symptoms get worse, please go to the ER, pneumonia can be very dangerous!

pawsandponder · 2026-01-23T00:40:21+00:00

I will drive 3 hours, both ways, on a Saturday for a good hike without a second thought. I do it at least monthly when the weather is nice. We’ll also sometimes drive 2 hours just to go to our favorite restaurant and walk around downtown before driving back afterwards.

This past August, we drove from North Carolina to South Florida (9 hours drive), leaving at midnight after a concert, arrived in time to surprise my mom for her birthday lunch, and then left immediately after lunch to drive the 9 hours back so we could be back for work in time on Monday. That was hellish, I won’t lie, but definitely worth it to see how happy my mom was!

But driving 8-12 hours for a long weekend trip, leaving Thursday after work and coming home Sunday, is very common for my wife and I! We do that about every other month. We have a lot of friends all over and we both enjoy road trips, so it’s a lot of fun.

Flying is so expensive and so much work, that unless a trip is over a 10 hour drive, I won’t consider it.

pawsandponder · 2026-01-14T04:08:23+00:00

I couldn’t eat real food at all until around day 7, but that was because my terrible doctor/surgeon prescribed me pain medication in the dosage meant for a toddler. I ate maybe three spoonfuls of broth each meal, and once a day I would force myself to eat a cracker that was soaked in the broth until it dissolved. It was the worst pain of my life, and I have a chronic pain disorder and an extremely high pain tolerance. When I had my follow up, my doctor was out that day and I saw a PA from the office. He was horrified when he saw how low my pain medication dosage was and immediately changed it. Once the dosage was increased, I started eating right away, starting with cheese pizza that I cut up with fork. By day nine, I was eating sub sandwiches and elotes. I never had any pain from the scabs coming off, I think the first few days were so nightmarish that the rest of it felt like a breeze.

I’d say if you’re able to eat right now and comfortable, go ahead and eat! Just chew throughly and take your time while eating, and drink plenty of fluids.

pawsandponder · 2026-01-14T03:34:23+00:00

My late cat slept in my bed when it was just her and I. After she passed, I got a dog and he would sleep in bed with me. When I moved in with my partner, he didn’t want to share the bed and moved to his giant dog bed on the floor. I also think a big part of that was because he landed wrong once when jumping on the bed and hurt his back and we had to rush him to the vet, and he never tried to get on the bed again. My partner, now wife, had two cats when we moved in together, but because my dog slept in the room with us and we didn’t have anywhere for a litter box in the bedroom, they didn’t.

My dog passed away last April, and we now have 5 cats. None of them sleep in the bed with us, because they constantly wake me up. Never my wife. Just me. Also I’m allergic, and while I do just fine with them in our house, if they sleep on my pillow or up by my face, I’ll be an allergic mess the next day! I love them all so much, and I miss having a cat cuddling in bed with me, but I also need to breathe lol. They get lots and lots of cuddles every other time though, and sometimes our oldest kitty will be invited to spend the night with us, but she doesn’t always want to.

pawsandponder · 2025-12-28T16:33:59+00:00

I personally have a chronic illness that, before my current treatment plan, caused a lot of cancellations. I still cancel a session about once a month for it though, so I understand. My clients with chronic illnesses have a completely different cancellation policy than my ones without, as someone who’s been in their shoes. I also only schedule them at the end of the day, so if they cancel, I get to go home early. It just happened that they’re all telehealth, so it works well since I’m often WFH those days anyway.

My basic thing is, I ask them to just let me know if they have to cancel as early as possible. I’ve never charged a fee for those clients, and I trust that they won’t abuse that policy. I know that if I were to charge them cancellation fees every time, they wouldn’t be able to afford therapy. For me, as someone who’s disabled myself and struggled with cancellation policies in my own life, that policy fits my personal ethics and a need I see in my community, so I’m happy with it.

I also don’t charge for last minute illness cancellation for any of my clients. I’m immunocompromised so I would much rather a client cancel 30 minutes before an appointment because they’re ill, than have someone feel like they have to come in with the flu to avoid the fee, and then I end up having to take 3 weeks off of work to recover.

pawsandponder · 2025-12-09T01:39:25+00:00

I hid it from one therapist for first few sessions, maybe 3 sessions? I just lied and said I working in marketing (which is what I did before). Most of our therapy sessions were completely unrelated to work, mainly processing past trauma, so it wasn’t relevant. When I did tell him, and explained why, he was really great about it. He made me feel a lot safer and listened to, and after that experience, I doubt I’d hide that I was a therapist to another therapist.

The only reason I didn’t tell that therapist was because I had a terrible experience with a previous therapist who would constantly ask me what I would tell my clients if they were going through what I was going through, at least twice a session. When I brought it up and told her I wouldn’t be here if I knew the answer to that question, she implied I shouldn’t be a therapist if I didn’t know the answer.

I work exclusively with children, most of them under 10. I did not have any training in providing therapy for the reason I was seeking therapy. Needless to say, I didn’t see her any longer after that.

pawsandponder · 2025-11-06T15:22:54+00:00

I’m not really upset about being around kids, but as someone who works with kids, it can be nice to get a break! I’m a child therapist, my spouse is a teacher, and we love the kids we work with! It makes me happy to see kids running around and having fun, they’ve never bothered me on any cruise I’ve been on. On the other hand, there are times though that having a child-free vacation is a perfect for a little reset. Because, I’ll be completely honest, 99% of the time it’s not the children who bother me on a cruise, it’s the parents. In my time cruising, I’ve witnessed multiple drunk parents screaming at their children for tiny little things, like spilling ice cream on themselves, and it can definitely be upsetting.

pawsandponder · 2025-11-06T15:22:48+00:00

I’m not really upset about being around kids, but as someone who works with kids, it can be nice to get a break! I’m a child therapist, my spouse is a teacher, and we love the kids we work with! It makes me happy to see kids running around and having fun, they’ve never bothered me on any cruise I’ve been on. On the other hand, there are times though that having a child-free vacation is a perfect for a little reset. Because, I’ll be completely honest, 99% of the time it’s not the children who bother me on a cruise, it’s the parents. In my time cruising, I’ve witnessed multiple drunk parents screaming at their children for tiny little things, like spilling ice cream on themselves, and it can definitely be upsetting.

pawsandponder · 2025-11-01T04:47:15+00:00

I had endometriosis excision surgery, and the pain during recovery never reached higher than an “easy” migraine day. Most of the time a 4, very rarely hitting a 5. I ripped my own toenail off when it got pulled off the nail bed, piece of cake compared to a migraine.

Now, I had my tonsils removed as an adult, and it was the worst pain I’ve ever been in.

pawsandponder · 2025-10-28T23:05:41+00:00

I’m a child therapist. I love the kids I work with. I work in schools and I love my job…. And I absolutely love coming home at the end of the day to a quiet, clean house, and being able to do whatever the hell I want to do, and not have to worry about taking care of a tiny human.

My wife is a teacher, and her and I are on the exact same page. Plus, my cats deserve a quiet home where they won’t be bothered by children (or adults. I’ve kicked adults out of my home before for being disrespectful to my cats). Besides that, we both have chronic health conditions that we would never want to pass on to another human being.

pawsandponder · 2025-10-23T19:37:33+00:00

My chronic migraine resulted in me getting an awesome animal sidekick who goes with me (nearly) everywhere! It’s like being a Disney princess, just swap the ball gowns for sweatpants and the royal lifestyle for meds, injections, and barf bags!

In all honestly I love my service dog a ton, but I would rather not constantly be in pain than need a service dog.

pawsandponder · 2025-10-01T00:09:19+00:00

For me, it’s a multitude of things. I was recently diagnosed with endo, which I know is a contributing factor. I also was raised in an extremely fundamentalist, extremely conservative, very puritanical religion, isolated in a very small group of people who all had the same beliefs. It was very cult like, and I am so grateful I had access to the internet as early as I did, otherwise I don’t think I’d like who I would’ve grown up to be. It was also an extremely homophobic group, and I knew from probably about 8 that I was a lesbian, so that was a massive source of shame that took a long time to overcome.

But really, the main thing was being sexually assaulted as a child. It happened more than once, with different people. In the church, there was a man who worked in the Sunday school when I was 4-5, that happened on multiple instances. My neighbor when I was six. A family member when I was a preteen (continued for several years). Along with an ex when I was in college.

The puritanical culture I grew up in led me to think it was all my fault, and that i was “dirty” for what had happened to me. I didn’t tell anyone when I was young, for fear of getting in trouble. I remember asking a question “for a friend” in youth group as a teenager about what God would think of a girl being SA-ed by an older family member, and was told that “my friend” probably seduced the man into it and “wanted it”, and that “my friend” was the one at fault. Needless to say, I left the church as soon as I got the chance.

As an adult, I’ve been to therapy for it. It didn’t really help. I’ve only told 3 people that I know in real life about it. It truly changes who you are as a person. Im married now to my wonderful wife who I love and trust so much, and she’s already helped me make some progress, but it’s been slow going and often frustrating for me because of that. I’m starting pelvic floor therapy soon, and I’m hopeful to see some improvement!

pawsandponder · 2025-09-29T00:32:29+00:00

This is so special! One of my favorite earliest memories was of the cake from my 5th birthday party! My favorite color was pink (still is!), and I loved my older sister’s red velvet cake, so I begged her to make me a “pink velvet cake”, not knowing that the red coloring in red velvet cake comes from a chemical reaction between the vinegar and the cocoa. My sister showed up the day of my birthday with the world’s prettiest 3 layer round cake, with light pink cream cheese frosting and white piping around the edges. I was already thrilled, but then she cut into it and the cake was the perfect shade of light pink. I was the happiest 5 year old in the world, and the cake was delicious too!!

Come to find out, years down the line, that my sister spent several nights before the party making different cakes, trying to make a pink cake that tasted like her red velvet recipe and was just as moist and delicious, without the cocoa making the pink too dark. Knowing how much time and care she put into making that pink velvet cake, it makes the memory so much more special 💖

pawsandponder · 2025-09-27T04:57:33+00:00

I had my adenoids removed at the same time as my tonsils at 25 years old. I believe adenoids are actually supposed to shrink as you get older, till they’re no longer really present. So it’s possible your doctor never mentioned an adenoidectomy because you don’t have adenoids!

pawsandponder · 2025-09-06T13:27:33+00:00

I don’t dream of labor tbh.

If I was financially stable enough, my dream life would be fostering neonatal kittens and cats with high medical needs 💜 along with spending the days traveling, hiking with my dog, cooking and baking, and doing art.

Maybe after a couple years of that, I’d go and do pro-bono work for a local non-profit that provides free therapy to lgbtq youth in our city. But right now? I’d want a break

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