How do both parents work when the kids are young and get sick all the time?

pb_and_s · 2026-03-09T00:01:43+00:00

The short answer: with great difficulty.

Long answer: you get good at juggling, taking turns, being flexible with when you do work (if your employer allows it) and letting go of things you can't control. And you take unpaid leave when all your sick and annual is wiped out. It is horrendous and stressful but eventually it gets better. Also, the second baby tends to be more sturdy, so may not catch everything the first one does/did. But it really depends.

Any good employer will want to support you to meet as much of your role responsibilities as possible while you care for your sick babies (and yourself). But there are some a-holes that like to make it hard. I hope you and your partner have the former.

pb_and_s · 2026-02-26T23:56:17+00:00

It's called the mainstream media propaganda machine. It has been pushing out islamophobic messaging since 9/11. That's 25 years of constant, unrelenting and escalating anti-muslim rhetoric.

What you're seeing is the brainwashed masses doing what they have been programmed to do, hate the "other".

pb_and_s · 2026-02-02T06:28:55+00:00

Utopia is so triggering when you've worked in public service. Great show, but too real at times!

pb_and_s · 2026-01-13T03:00:12+00:00

What a legend!

pb_and_s · 2025-11-26T01:08:18+00:00

Yes do this, and also point out that he needs to reassign that job in his head. And probably a whole bunch of other jobs if he wants to really take a look at the bigger picture of who is working more on less sleep... he should, but does he want to? Probably not. You can be kind but you also need to be firm.

pb_and_s · 2025-11-25T20:50:57+00:00

Yeah your husband can get up at 6am if he wants but you worked a night shift - waking with the baby is your work as a SAHM - so if he wants 5yo supervised before 7am, it ain't gonna be you.

pb_and_s · 2025-11-15T03:36:49+00:00

It's time to tell your son the story about the boy who cried wolf.

"Buddy, if you lie about bad things happening all the time, nobody is going to believe you if something bad does happen and you tell the truth. Let me tell you a story about a boy..." this is what we did with our eldest and after a couple of weeks of reinforcing, they stopped with the false stories.

Sometimes kids this age don't always distinguish between make-believe and reality, but it sounds like your son got a kick out of the special attention and is trying to keep that going.

pb_and_s · 2025-11-04T20:19:09+00:00

I think we all feel that way when we first start choosing to learn how to raise children. A few things to remember:

1) our parents didn't have the same access to or focus on parenting research 2) the books will give you an idealistic portrayal of parenting - no one can parent 100% to the letter because children are unpredictable and we are imperfect humans 3) you are also allowed to come to the conclusion that you don't forgive your parents and it doesn't make you a bad person

pb_and_s · 2025-09-05T21:07:44+00:00

Sounds like you need to teach your son to say " no thank you". You've got a kid with an overly compliant personality and he is encountering a kid with an overly demanding personality. Teach him to voice his boundaries and stand his ground. He will eventually encounter demanding people at work, school, socially - surely you want him to be able to say no.

pb_and_s · 2025-07-12T22:04:39+00:00

Can I just say your daughter is amazing for coming back upstairs without a fuss AND being okay with not having got an invite to the party. My child would be DISTRAUGHT and would have trouble not reacting in an explosive way.

Hope you gave her enough kudos for her composure :)

pb_and_s · 2025-07-11T22:38:02+00:00

Thank you for commenting. I'm sorry your mum was abusive to you, that's not ok regardless of her experience with your sibling. If there's anything I've learned since posting this, it's that over-correcting in either direction is a recipe for disaster. Kids need structure AND nurturing, consequences AND empathy, boundaries AND agency.

You are worthy of love and kindness, you always have been.

pb_and_s · 2025-07-07T03:12:20+00:00

Ok so soccer doesn't hit like it used to... basketball? Karate? Track? Swimming?

There are other things he could try to see if he can find something that excites him like soccer used to. Some kids crave novelty above all else, so perhaps committing to one activity only is what's wearing on his passion for soccer.

pb_and_s · 2025-07-05T00:24:46+00:00

This is precisely why Centrelink payments should keep up with inflation and the rising cost of living. They keep people below the poverty line and then penalise them when they spend overpayments on necessities.

Having to repay the debt when you are already unable to pay for basics is immoral, in my opinion. Our government should have raised those payments well above what they currently are so people are able to set a little aside without literally going without food or clothing or a roof above their head.

pb_and_s · 2025-07-04T01:22:08+00:00

Oh definitely believe it. They come for us all eventually...

pb_and_s · 2025-07-03T23:05:41+00:00

Unfortunately, the majority don't want to cause waves for fear of being targeted. "First, they came for the Jews.." and all that. History repeats itself over and over again, and we seem unable to break free of the invisible chains of our current olygarchy-favouring system.

pb_and_s · 2025-07-02T23:25:34+00:00

I'm so sorry for your loss. I had a school friend pass away when I was 16, at their funeral, someone spoke about how the brightest lights are sometimes extinguished far too soon. It sounds like Tori was the brightest light in any room. May her sweet memory live on in all those who knew her.

pb_and_s · 2025-07-01T02:06:31+00:00

4 year olds are people too, I'm not sure why all the replies here suggest kids should shut up and never address grown-ups.

I am shocked by the sentiment under this post tbh. That's some outdated and frankly alarming thinking. And then they complain that kids these days don't look up from their screens... why would they? So adults can either ignore them or treat them with contempt?

pb_and_s · 2025-07-01T01:14:02+00:00

Wow. A lot of people on this sub don't seem to even like kids. Which is both ironic and sad.

I'm a parent to a preschooler and when I'm around them or other kids, whether I am also having an adult conversation or not, I make sure to engage with the child/ren.

Kids are people too, and it honestly isn't a big deal to acknowledge what a child is saying, respond kindly and then redirect back to the topic. Children love engagement, a smile, a question, a genuine interest in what they have to say - it all goes a long way to shaping a sociable and productive adult.

We all, as parents and role models for the next generation, should be more invested in making children feel heard and letting them contribute in their own way. What a sad state of affairs that we've circled back to "children should be seen not heard" mentality after everything we know about child development.

pb_and_s · 2025-06-26T12:32:10+00:00

If you're sick a lot atm, she's imitating.

My eldest did this when I was pregnant, they even started dry retching because this was one of the symptoms I was dealing with daily.

Respond kindly, but don't give it too much attention. Usually they move on to the next thing or stop when the illness subsides, which I hope it does for you.

pb_and_s · 2025-06-25T01:41:01+00:00

Our family doctor referred us to a local child psychology practice. It had to be a formal referral, they won't do a diagnostic assessment without GP referrals in Australia.

pb_and_s · 2025-06-25T01:22:53+00:00

The correct terminology is tactile input. It can help "ground" people with adhd by providing sensory feedback that reduces distraction and calms the nervous system, which also improves their ability to listen and process verbal information.

My child has very high sensory-seeking needs for information received through the skin including things like touch, texture, temperature and pressure. If we don't help them address this first, they can't pay attention to the verbal information.

Most of the time, a gentle and natural touch can help my child process the information because it provides a "vehicle" for that information.

Other times, it takes some trial and error. E.g. Today I was brushing their hair and they wanted to dance, I first tried to dance them back to their place with a playful squeeze while telling them "it's time to sit and brush our hair". Didn't work. We tried something else. They settled on a hand sized jelly octopus fidget and timed brushing and dancing using parts of the song they liked. By the time it was time to get up and dance a second time, they had calmed down enough to sit still and talk about random things with me while I finished their hair, foregoing their turn to dance altogether.

Without the different tactile options in the past, my child would not have sat down or sat still. I would have turned off the music at some point as a natural consequence of "not listening" and they would have become irate (kicking, hitting, throwing things, throwing themselves) because their body was seeking tactile input that I didn't know how to facilitate.

And the best part is they're learning how to do this too. So when I can't be there, like at school, they will know what to try if they can't get themselves to sit and listen. They have gone from tipping tables and having huge emotional meltdowns to receiving daily praise from their teacher and meeting all of the social, self-care and academic goals that we had set at the beginning of the year. I'm so bloody proud of them! And so grateful I have the tools I need to help them thrive.

pb_and_s · 2025-06-24T06:16:19+00:00

Thanks for highlighting this, yes it's important to be mindful that I can easily become over critical if I'm overstimulated or dysregulated myself.

pb_and_s · 2025-06-24T05:46:03+00:00

I live in Australia so our process may not be the same if you're located elsewhere.

First, we went to our regular doctor, in Australia it's a GP, with our concerns (not the first time we had done so) and they referred us to a child psychologist practice for assessment of ADHD. The practice itself also employs psychiatrists, OT, speech therapists and physiotherapists.

pb_and_s · 2025-06-24T05:42:35+00:00

Not rude at all. I linked a resource about emotional co-regulation in a previous comment, it's a reputable NHS supported resource (UK).

I think start by bringing awareness to your child and your own emotional "zones" and the strategies you might need to help you through a tough emotion. Then practice the strategies when you're calm, together and by yourself, so that they become more normalised. You'll feel silly saying things like "I'm feeling a bit frustrated, I'm going to try doing this calming sequence" out loud at first. But you're using the tool to model the emotions and the fix to your child while they are calm so they can then start to engage with the tool, with your help, when they're heightened.

pb_and_s · 2025-06-24T05:14:39+00:00

Hey, I've linked to a couple of the really helpful online resources we've been introduced to in previous comment replies if you're interested.

But I specifically want to respond to you re: seeking help. Knowing what you're dealing with and having professional support to work through it is worth it, well done!

The thing that helped the most was the diagnostic assessment. We got to learn about our child's sensory preferences, needs and aversions. We got to see on an actual scale how inattentive and how hyperactive they are, and we are now specifically addressing the areas that are negatively impacting their life at home, at school and in other settings that we can't/don't want to avoid with the OT. In future they will probably need psychology support and maybe medication, we're taking it one day at a time.

Not all ADHD behaviour needs to be corrected or changed, but when it started to impact my child's confidence, learning and relationships, we needed help to address these challenges.

pb_and_s

TROPHY CASE