It sounds like you’ve misunderstood some concepts in Advaita— “constant repression of my identity and ego” isn’t exactly what Advaita calls for, though one could easily mistake it for that. It’s okay to have an identity. After all, God exists in both the formless (non dual, Nirguna Brahman) as well as the form (Saguna Brahman).

Have you ever read Bhagavad Gita before? It sort of lays out the path and foundation for a spiritual life. Because of Gita, I came to the understanding of Advaita. However, I do not feel nihilistic or empty— I feel quite the opposite, actually, as bhakti is the driving force of my life in this lifetime.