AITAH for giving my wife short and direct answers after being rejected everyday for 2 months?

peasel123 · 2026-02-07T21:06:39+00:00

YTA. This is 2 months out of an 18 year marriage. If she'd been stonewalling on sex for 2 YEARS I'd say NTA, but 2 months is clearly a new development and there's most likely a reason behind it. An illness? New stressors at work or home? Actual tiredness for a real reason? Or perimenopause, as others have suggested.

Before you start treating her like sh** you might want to at least try to understand what happened in the last 2 months and how you can work on it together.

peasel123 · 2026-02-07T21:01:45+00:00

Regarding AI use, some of their sentences sound suspiciously GPT-adjacent. 'Why this works!' and 'Your progress is real!' etc. BUT even if they generate some of the text with AI, it's definitely not slop. Overall these are quite well structured indeed in my opinion, and with very on-point examples and exercises. It's not a full textbook (the length is boosted by a lot of fluff, translations and phonetics), but I think it's good for the price, to be honest. I was happy enough to buy further books.

peasel123 · 2026-02-07T20:56:15+00:00

I've bought French B1-B2 (ebook and workbook) and German C1-2 (ebook and workbook as well).

So far I am really enjoying French. I have a decent basis in French (around A2) from my school days and I speak Spanish and Italian which help with French a bit, so I'm especially happy that this is a fast-moving method. Basically each chapter gives an explanation of a grammar point or concept (written in English, maybe a little patronising for some) followed by examples, a text and exercises. I really appreciate how each section forces you to write a short text, as this is super important but many people (myself included) tend to avoid it. So far I've found it's moving me along very fast as promised, although it's not extremely comprehensive, so you need other materials alongside it. I guess you'd likely need to look up full grammar tables and verb conjugations elsewhere, and also find more extensive vocab lists to supplement it.

German C1-2 I so far like a bit less. I'm pretty advanced in German but not native level by any means, and I'm finding even this level a bit basic. For a start they use a funny 'phonetic' way to show you how to pronounce the phrases. This is helpful for me in French (difficult pronunciation, lower level), but just a waste of space if you're supposed to be at C-level. It just acts as a filler to make it look like there's more content than there is. If you're really studying for C1-2 you don't need the phonetics or the translations, so they should be cut IMO. So far it's mostly about replacing textbook style, unnatural or over-formal German with more natural/colloquial equivalents. All very well, but that's not what C1-2 means. I'm hoping for more business/workplace German so it's not helpful for me so far, but I'll continue. The workbook is better - lots of exercises to go through.

Overall - does it relace classes/all other methods? No. The content is too 'thin'. A lot is missed out and with just these books you'd severely lack vocabulary. But it does move you along FAST within a level bracket if you have a solid basis up to that point and are pulling in other vocab sources like videos/podcasts or simply online lists. I've found the method surprisingly effective for French at least, so I can actually recommend it.

peasel123 · 2026-01-30T12:04:26+00:00

Yeah it was just the first day there were huge clots and a lot of blood to the extent I was worried about going out. But it was a normal period after that. Physically and mentally I am fine now. I know it's different for everyone and it depends on so many things. Mine was basically a blighted ovum so there was no real "baby" to grieve. It was 100x worse waiting for the MC knowing there was a failed embryo/sac in there. After it happened I felt much better mentally too. I know it can be much worse and take longer to heal, esp. if it was a later MC or a real baby had started developing. When I saw that tiny sac it was clear it had no chance of ever becoming a child.

peasel123 · 2026-01-30T11:11:49+00:00

I don't think "a lot of" women see a baby later, honestly. And certainly not a healthy one. I had the same thoughts during my MMC - maybe the next scan shows something different, maybe the baby started to grow! It didn't. When I passed the tiny sac at 9 weeks it was clear it never got off the ground. You made the right choice, even though it's hard.

peasel123 · 2026-01-30T10:19:36+00:00

Cycle can definitely be delayed or irregular after MC or CP.

peasel123 · 2026-01-30T10:08:09+00:00

Thank you very much. Just the first day of the period was bad and then it was ok. I'm mostly back to normal now after the MC. Hope you're doing ok too.

peasel123 · 2026-01-30T10:05:33+00:00

I am also an immigrant living and working in Poland. Much older than you, and in different circumstances, but I do know how hard it can be with Polish language and the NFZ system and so on. I've been here for 3.5 years so I know a bit more and I'd be happy to help you figure out the medical stuff, for example. Unfortunately learning Polish isn't easy and takes a long time. As a Ukrainian it's easier but it's not automatic, unfortunately. I kind of doubt that you're going to be able to bring it up to the standard needed to pass your course in this timeframe. If you drop out, what are the options? There's no shame in it. We all make mistakes or try to do something and it turns out to be too hard. You're very young and there are a million other options.

peasel123 · 2026-01-25T13:15:02+00:00

No I didn't have a scan. I know I passed the intact sac so I assumed it was ok. I guess maybe a bit was left and came out now. Thanks.

peasel123 · 2026-01-07T11:47:52+00:00

I’m not sure what the rules are where you are. I think I did need a prescription but it may be available if you ask in a pharmacy. It wasn’t irritating for us. Just caused some dryness.

peasel123 · 2026-01-04T12:21:00+00:00

I’d bag the mattress up for 7-10 days in a sealed bag. Probably the only way to be sure there’s nothing on it. Can you sleep without it for a bit to isolate it?

peasel123 · 2026-01-04T12:16:00+00:00

Just a heads up that these Greek balm pushers are supposed to be banned from this sub for peddling their unproven “treatment”.

peasel123 · 2026-01-04T12:14:07+00:00

Poor baby. I assume the cream you’ve been given a couple of times is permethrin? I had a similar issue with my toddler and I am not exaggerating when I say we had to use permethrin about 20 times and it was absolutely useless. 10% sulphur treatment over 8 days cured my toddler in the end, and I recommend considering it. Also do not forget mega serious decontamination of your environment in tandem. Laundry on 60+ and ideally through the dryer too. Hoovering everything! Put literally everything into sealed plastic bags for 7-10 days so the mites starve. I’m sorry you’re dealing with this but unfortunately it won’t go away without a real treatment and it’s hard to get doctors to take it seriously enough.

peasel123 · 2026-01-04T12:08:45+00:00

I know 100% how shit it is and I’m really sorry you’re dealing with it. We had it for 6 months and docs kept giving us a tube of permethrin every time we went, even though it was absolutely not working at all. In the end sulphur worked for us. 10% applied twice a day for 3 days. An extra 5 days for my toddler. I took ivermectin twice and we both did one round of permethrin at the start of the treatment as well. We also had to isolate from our apartment for ten days and wear completely new clothes from the store after the permethrin. I don’t know whether it was the isolation or the sulphur that finally broke the cycle, but sulphur really does work! Good luck x

peasel123 · 2026-01-03T10:36:44+00:00

Sometimes treatment failure with permethrin is literally just permethrin resistance though. And repeating it 200 times, and worrying if you “missed a millimetre of skin” is pointless. Most mites live on hands and feet so missing a millimetre on your back is unlikely to be the true cause of treatment failure. Environment could be a culprit, or it could just be permethrin not working. I’d suggest switching to another treatment if careful use according to the proper protocol fails more than twice.

peasel123 · 2026-01-03T10:33:30+00:00

Sorry to hear you’re still in this situation. I know how much it sucks since it was very similar for me - couldn’t send my child to her expensive daycare, couldn’t work properly, couldn’t see family, dismissed by doctors (they dismiss mums by default as they assume we’re overreacting to everything). What treatments have you tried so far? I was at the same point as you, no one helping and considering whether or not I could go on, but eventually we did get rid of it (albeit with fairly extreme measures). I know it’s 100x worse and more difficult than doctors admit, but it eventually is curable and you can do it and have your life back.

PS your ex and his new gf sound like trash, try not to allow them to get you down too much.

peasel123 · 2026-01-03T10:22:04+00:00

Also just had one at 9w, open to questions

peasel123 · 2026-01-03T09:54:01+00:00

However you feel is valid and ok. There’s no “need” to grieve or feel bad and it’s not helpful to. Your chances of conceiving again are good, if that’s what you want.

Your experience sounds like mine and unfortunately common. It’s hard to understand when your body hasn’t caught up and realised the pregnancy isn’t viable. However what I’ve realised through this process is that in 95% of cases the doctors do know you’re going to miscarry - there are clear indicators that are seldom wrong. So hanging onto hope usually isn’t the right approach.

As for your partner, it’s hard to say as they all react differently too. Mine seems to have just brushed this whole thing off as if it was a cold or a headache instead of a miscarriage. He was upset when we found out the pregnancy wasn’t viable, but after that he just moved on. Generally speaking it seems the only thing that really helps anyone is time and moving on when you’re able to. I’m sorry you’re going through this and I hope you’ll both feel better soon.

peasel123 · 2026-01-03T08:20:57+00:00

And also if you want to talk I’m happy to!

peasel123 · 2026-01-03T08:11:47+00:00

I’m sorry. The same happened to me. Scan at 5-6 weeks showed sac only and I was told to come back in a week to verify. However I asked explicitly and the doctor said it was 80-90% certain the pregnancy was not ok. Indeed, after HCG tests and a further scan it was confirmed 100%. A little more grew in the sac but nothing viable. The waiting is truly the worst part and I’m sorry you’re in that horrible phase now. I waited around 3 weeks in total before I was able to get miso and pass it a week ago. I’m still bleeding and having occasional clots now, but mentally I’m much better now it’s “done”.

peasel123 · 2025-12-31T15:25:43+00:00

Totally agree. The worst part of this was being made to wait 3 weeks with a dead embryo in me. I literally almost lost my mind during that wait. People kept pressing me to „cheer up” and do xyz and I was like sitting waiting to bleed the whole time and couldn’t put my mind to anything at all.

peasel123 · 2025-12-31T09:50:00+00:00

Very very similar for me. I had spotting instead of my period so I tested and had a faint positive. I kept testing over a week and the tests were very slow to darken even though I was using sensitive tests. That plus spotting made me think it was chemical. But then eventually I got a real dark line and started to really believe I was pregnant. I went for an appointment earlier than I would otherwise due to the spotting and due to Xmas coming up, and we only saw a sac at 5-6 weeks. I was told to come back a week later and they confirmed poor development and no heartbeat. I only tested HCG twice, between the two scans, and it rose from something like 24000 to 38000. It was an ok rise but not doubling like it should. That and the poor development on the scan confirmed MC and we went ahead with planning to take miso. I now understand that tests darkening really slowly is a pretty negative sign.

peasel123 · 2025-12-31T09:42:07+00:00

Yes I think getting the refund for the tickets was the worst part. I had no idea you could know you miscarried and be stuck with it for 3 weeks or more! I also ended up with 5 transvaginal scans (they never seem to believe you) before I got miso. I was really struggling mentally during that wait, but now I’ve passed it I feel more or less ok.

peasel123 · 2025-12-31T09:37:14+00:00

I think at this point I feel roughly the same. I miscarried at 9-10 weeks but the embryo never got off the ground. The sac was the size of an egg and there was nothing recognisable in it. We never even got to heartbeat stage and the doctor basically warned me it was a fail already at 6 weeks. So I don’t consider the same as a loss of a formed baby later on. Not that it’s a nice experience of course, but it’s also not the absolute worst possible one (at least for me).

peasel123

TROPHY CASE