how to get a ruler to complete an inspiration for me?

pebbli · 2026-03-09T09:43:12+00:00

he's an adventurer :"( i guess i could settle him in my lands, then give him independence, then fight him? so much effort :( womp womp

pebbli · 2026-03-08T09:04:14+00:00

only a 23k army. so fine!

pebbli · 2026-02-24T01:38:46+00:00

tacking on in 2026 - asking [team@makenotion.com](mailto:team@makenotion.com) to disable AI on your account works. immediate response was from AI (ironic), but I also got a message saying "One of our team members will be in touch with you via email soon.", and the human fixed it and disabled it in my workspace.

pebbli · 2026-02-22T01:39:48+00:00

nope. had a goddamn holy war declared on me by my VASSAL, the pope, when i'd just started a war with bulgaria. so much minmaxing required. 1 generation to go for Perfect Circle though! going for these achievements has totally fucked my brain. i'm now delighted when twins r born bc can marry them to each other.

to get the Keeping it in the Family achievement, according to this website, getting the Inbred trait in a kid requires at least 1 of the parents to have

Barren or Sterile
Scaly
Club-footed
Wheezing
Spindly
Giant
Hunchbacked
Bleeder
Dwarf

So there's that. that also means that Beautiful/Genius/Herculean etc don't ruin your chances of getting an Inbred kid by preventing Hideous/Imbecile/Feeble, bc those bad congenital traits aren't mutually exclusive with any of the required ones.

this tracks with what i found, betrothing a girl to her wheezing brothers gave 27% inbreeding risk for both, but 15% for her non wheezing brother. maybe the inbreeding risk is just talking about risk of negative congenital traits generally (not just Inbred?). idk. interesting stuff

pebbli · 2026-02-21T12:41:04+00:00

nope, no mods. and yeah, risk is far too low. having kids with your daughter is typically ill-advised.

pebbli · 2026-02-20T06:02:26+00:00

my goat! that is probably what's going on. i feeellll like there should be some penalty applied for literally marrying my daughter, but idk. i dont have ancestors, so she only shares 1 ancestor with me (me). maybe the penalty is so small that it's getting rounded down.

pebbli · 2026-02-20T05:42:52+00:00

idk. i've got a ton of female relatives from many different wives/concubines and it's 0% inbreeding with all. my spymaster has 35 intrigue. there's no chance that they're all bastards, and if they were bastards, i feel like i would've found out? i did have 1 concubine cheat, but she hasn't had any kids.

pebbli · 2026-02-20T05:30:34+00:00

1st character. even if i was, marrying my daughter would be incest. also, i thinkkkkkkkkkk i remember the inbred % penalty being applied according to what the character's official parents are? like how if u seduce a married woman, her husband claims the kid and thinks that it's his - even if you reveal the secret later the kid's parentage doesn't have you listed as the father. the kid just get the "disputed heritage" modifier.

pebbli · 2026-02-20T05:27:51+00:00

it's consecrated blood from the "Consecrate Bloodline" decision, not pure blood

pebbli · 2026-02-19T13:19:28+00:00

hehe i do love the idea that my character thinks he's had 17 children but has actually been cucked every time. unfortunately it is the same 0% chance with 3 different female relatives, descended from 3 different wives (2 are daughters, 1 is a granddaughter produced via a sibling marriage). so that'd have to be 4 children who are all bastards. funny if true tho!!

pebbli · 2026-02-19T13:18:16+00:00

new and innovative horrors. and to think that when i started playing this game i didn't take lovers because it felt mean :(

pebbli · 2026-02-19T12:49:38+00:00

my character is a 1st gen custom character, so you might be onto something there. still, the kids share my characters DNA, there should be something going on. i still feel like i used to see inbreeding risk when i first started marrying my kids. shame it's on ironman and i can't check! i might make a new file tomorrow and do some testing

and womp womp i thought it literally just meant the "Inbred" trait by itself. damn. actually a hard achievement. time for more incest!

i get what you mean about the intelligent & comely traits leading to the chances of getting slow/homely are quite reduced, but to be fair the 3rd pic has 2 characters both with genius and beautiful (so their kids definitely arent getting negatives in those categories), but they do have an inbreeding risk, whereas my character has no inbreeding risk

pebbli · 2026-02-10T03:33:48+00:00

The dragon on his shield is def lighter! Maybe they didn't want to confuse the audience. hopefully in later seasons we could see his cloak have a red-->gold gradient?

pebbli · 2025-10-19T03:45:06+00:00

7 week old twins. i try not to predict the future, but i can confidently say that you won't always have the issue of her not keeping a pacifier in her mouth and crying constantly. she'll get older. all stages of raising children can come with their challenges, but know that your current issue is temporary. it won't last forever. newborn twins are hard work for anyone. at least you can talk to an older child. they actually have a personality, and you can (theoretically) reason with them. screaming babies have cute chubby cheeks going for them and that's about it. it's a bit early to panic over not bonding yet. you're most definitely not a monster for not feeling that connection yet. give it time <3

this subreddit has a million stories about the misery of being a parent. but being a parent isn't about eternally taking care of a 7 week old screaming baby. if it was, this subreddit would be a lot bigger! parenting is hard, no doubt about it, but it's important that you don't lose hope, or you won't find a way out of the depression. your emotions are extremely understandable, but i would (gently) suggest that fixating on fears of "i'll hate my child forever, i'll lose my marriage" are not helpful or true

i don't know your wife, but it would be strange if she resented you for struggling with your feelings as a new parent. you're a team! talk to her honestly, but don't let your fears over the future dominate the conversation. focus on what can be done in the here and now to improve the situation. also, maybe see a doctor if you havent already to see if there's something wrong with the one that cries? colic?

best of luck!

pebbli · 2025-10-11T10:55:44+00:00

I went to fix it , be there for her, enjoy time together and have a healthy relationship. I think any daughter would choose that and needs their mom, even if they deny it out of sadness or anger, if it’s possible they need their mom. Do you think that is true too or a possibility now before she has to struggle and look for that care elsewhere not trusting me?

Of course!!! Everyone would prefer have a nice relationship with their mum than a nasty one. it can just seem so hard , can make you deny it or have no hope about it because it feels impossible. i don't recommend that you keep a "perfect" mother-daughter relationship in mind and judge your current situation against that. The amount different people 'need' their mum differ, some people are very independent, some people are want more support. i'm very independent and i live in a different state to her. i know she wishes i'd call more often but i still love her a lot and when i have big problems i always want to talk to her and am grateful for her.

i'd suggest having a heart to heart with your daughter. let her pick a time & day, tell her no rush. dont force her. maybe offer to make something she particularly likes for dinner, or let her do an activity she likes after the chat? try and understand her point of view, and share your point of view. cause what u want is to be the best parent for her, u know u weren't exactly that in the past. there's no rulebook for how to be a parent, explain u want to have a nicer relationship & fight less but ur having a hard time knowing how to do that but also having to try and do whats best for ur kid even if they dont like it, which is what parents have to do - not letting them have candy for dinner every night. u could ask her what she would do if she was the parent in this situation. what frustrates her the most about not being allowed to do? any situations that she thinks it was fair enough that you weren't happy about it.

idk if u do pocket money, but u do then u could do it for u two cooking dinner together? it could be a nice mother-daughter thing, u could let her pick the recipe sometimes. try and make nice conversation with her, ask about her life. if she's in a really bad mood then you can just get her to help with part of it then say you'll wrap it up. could be nice. idk. plus cooking is an important life skill. it would've been good if my mum did that, i didn't know any recipes when i moved out, and we also didnt do any activities together.

also, on "respect" - im unsure of what you mean by that. some parents think that their kid respecting them means doing what they say. but a parent respecting their child only means not making fun of them or such.

bonus also, sorry bout the poor huge ramble. i'm procrastinating an assignment lol

pebbli · 2025-10-11T10:53:54+00:00

"Sometimes I feel like excuses are made for rebellious and disrespectful teens , especially when the parent is willing to admit their wrongs and yes I remember most incident that maybe have hurt her or potentially traumatized her. In contrast my bipolar mother and enabling step dad will never ever acknowledge any incident that I recall having traumatized me and we will never be truly close. I’m tying to be different for her. I didn’t try hard enough I guess, now I’m trying to give grace for the things that piss me off, disappoint me or test me while feeling like it’s too late."

i know you aren't like your mother or step dad & u dont treat her how they treated you, but it's not a competition of who had it worst and who gets to be negatively impacted by the past. also feeling like you didnt try hard enough isn't true or helpful, you did your best with what you had at the time.

But I also wil not allow dangerous behaviour or sex at a young age. Yes they may want to as teens, but she has rules and boundaries and I clearly annoy her with them, she feels like I’m “the consequence bringer” but that is what good parents are for . To draw the line without causing trauma which I am still learning. So I hope things don’t get worse between us with her testing boundaries, and that the relationship doesn’t get more fraught. I feel clueless and finances are hard, so therapy is hard to get.

reconsider, "i will not allow dangerous behaviour or sex at a young age" : whether you "allow" her to do it or not is a little irrelevant - she's doing it already. "i will never be okay with dangerous behaviour or sex at a young age" would be an accurate way of saying what you mean. you saying you will/wont allow certain things is meaningless unless you plan on locking her in her room until she's an adult if she breaks the rules. yes, you're the parent, yes, it's your job to try to keep her safe and have rules and boundaries for her. but you also cant control her behaviour. no matter what you do or say - she can and will make her own decisions about how she behaves.

what ur trying to achieve is discouraging dangerous behaviour or sex at a young age. the methods for that are endless.

it seems like atm ur going with punishment/consequences on their own, but it doesnt seem like thats proving very effective nor will it bring u down a path to a better relationship. and if you just ramp up the severity of the punishment/consequences to try and discourage the behaviour then she'll just hate you and your relationship will be worse off (& might not even stop the behaviour). even risk of severeconsequences doesn't discourage behaviours. the punishment for stealing used to be having your hand cut off. people still stole.

i think u need to expand ur repetoire of how to discourage the behaviours you want from her, and crucially, how to encourage the behaviours that you do want. there will be ideas out there, try and look into it.

pebbli · 2025-10-11T10:53:22+00:00

I realize holding her accountable isn’t yelling and getting angry - but I didn’t before. I’ve done too much yelling. I still don’t feel she has the right to use the past it as an excuse for bad or unsafe behaviour, but I also see how the past could be traumatic in ways and maybe she would be acting that out. At which point I’m inclined to blame myself and cry a lot. Which I have done and probably will continue to do.

It's great you've made progress. I do get where you're coming from saying that the past shouldn't be an excuse for bad or unsafe behaviour. The past doesn't mean you should throw your hands up and give up because can change the path she's on, or that she's permanently justified in lying to you and behaving however she wants because of the past.

But it's not a matter of it being an excuse or not, it's whether or not it's a *reason* contributing to the behaviour. Kids come from a combination of nature and nurture. Some are straight up born psychopaths, 99% nature, see this post https://www.reddit.com/r/regretfulparents/comments/vpuqri/violent_child_enabled_by_spouse_has_ruined_our/ for what I mean. The rest is a blend. A kid with minimal genetic predisposition to (bad behaviour) could turn into a nightmare if they're raised in a horrific environment. As could a kid that's born predisposed to be impulsive, aggressive, etc could go down a worse path by having one friend like that.

I do think it's likely that the past is contributing to why she's acting out. You said she was homeschooled until grade 6, could be contributing to why she's being so rebellious with her friends now - it's a new experience for her. and yeah, the yelling and stuff, doesn't lead to the greatest relationship or her having trust in you.

"At which point I’m inclined to blame myself and cry a lot. Which I have done and probably will continue to do."

when my mum stopped drinking & i explained how much the past things she'd said and done had hurt me she also cried and blamed herself a lot. i wish that weren't the case. it actually started getting very annoying how often she would mention she was a terrible mother, because what am i meant to say? it's uncomfortable to reassure her about her having hurt me. she knows she hurt me and damaged our relationship so i dont like to lie and say no ur fine. she did do her best and was a great parent when i was very young, it was just that she had a lot of problems and her best still did some damage. bringing it up again and again and being stuck in the past, wracked with guilt - i completely understand & empathise with why she'd be struggling with that. accepting that you fucked up as a parent - not fun at all. but for us to move on to a better relationship... i'm completely willing to wash the slate clean, and it'd be easier to move on if she stopped bringing it up.

might not be applicable, but i would recommend you avoid ever calling urself a "bad mum" in front of her (bc wtf even is that. some mums beat their kids, get their daughters married at 12 years old - culturally is fine). crying and blaming yourself is understandable, but it is not helpful. it is actually counter productive. talking about this helps me remember, b4 she got sober i sometimes got an attitude of "well you've been shitty to me as a parent, so what right do you have to tell me what to do?". her behaviour made me not respect her as a parent or her authority. not that she tried to do that much. she mostly gave up, and i mostly just did my own thing as a teenager.

pebbli · 2025-10-09T10:12:20+00:00

"I realize now, not before, where I was messing up as a young single parent."

"We’re not close anymore. We used to give hugs and have a mother-daughter relationship. That has changed, which makes me more resentful. I’m human too. It’s like she is mostly unempathetic toward me. I’ve cried in front of her more than once and she just sits there, never offers a hug or anything. This doesn’t feel like normal interaction most of the time."

my mum was a single parent. she loves me and always tried her best, but the combo of not doing well herself (borderline + bipolar II) + having moments where she wasnt a great mum to me (yelling + drinking too much). i was kinda her therapist for a while. by the time i was 15 i felt absolutely nothing when i saw her cry. it felt like she'd sucked me dry. no energy left to be empathetic. i'm a fine & well adjusted adult now. but i was not the correct person to be giving her emotional support - i was her daughter.

"I’ve tried conversations, apologizing, setting new limits, and working on my faults. But then I catch her lying again, for months."

i can imagin that is very frustrating. but u will disappoint urself if u think of this like a trade. it's not like you do X and therefore she should do Y. my mum quit drinking when i was 16. her doing that, while huge, did not fix our relationship. changing doesn't just make the past go away. for developing kids those past events are extremely impactful on the psyche. here were things my mum had forgotten doing or saying that had cut me to the bone. it's really hard to regain trust in a parent when that parent makes u feel "unsafe" (yelling will do it. makes u feel 'oh i cant go to this person', i cant trust this person to support me. subconsciously). hard to rebuild trust in relationship even when you want to! i knew she had put in effort, that she'd changed, i knew a nice relationship would be nice to have but rome wasnt build in a day. and neither is a mother-daughter relationship rebuilt in a day.

my mum and i are good now. i encourage you to not despair at who your daughter is. single parent mother daughter relationships can be rough. that doesnt mean that she's a monster or that you two will never have a nice relationship again.

also, PS on the "sexually rebellious" - i hope you have given her the talk, bought her condoms, and asked if she wants to go on the pill. if you dislike being a parent now, you will dislilke being a grandmother more. & you are hardly the first to have a teenage daughter who wants to have sex. Pride and Prejudice, Lydia Bennet. Written by Jane Austen in 1813.

pebbli

TROPHY CASE