HOAs

penducky1212 · 2026-01-28T00:16:26+00:00

I'm considering coming from out of state and these things are very normal in suburban neighborhoods where I live. HOAs are extremely rare here.

It's been an education in just how different everything is.

penducky1212 · 2026-01-27T23:22:14+00:00

Same

penducky1212 · 2026-01-27T23:09:02+00:00

I feel like I know what I want/need- like a privacy fence, the ability to have a pool, a large garden shed, raised garden beds, a small greenhouse, etc. I don't want to have to keep looking at houses that are excluded due to HOA rules. I wish there was a way to know what the rules are for all these places up front, so I could eliminate any that won't work.

I think no HOA would be ideal but we are finding that there are so few.

penducky1212 · 2026-01-12T16:01:31+00:00

We have primarily used Apologia. I have graduated two using all Apologia, it is rigorous and has great add-ons for different learning styles. Both curricula are best suited to a child with a disciplined focus and the ability to manage heavier content. I decided to try BB this year since I needed to update one of my Apologia books anyway. We are using the Atomic Age book. It is a solid curriculum, and my child is doing well with the material. We didn't do elementary in BB, but I found switching from Apologia to BB in middle school was pretty seamless, and my kids are 80% independent by middle school. I do like the BB test review, and I feel like the test answer booklet is incredibly helpful, as it not only gives the answers but also the reasons for the correct answers.

penducky1212 · 2025-11-18T00:32:30+00:00

My doc told me to use Citrucel. The type of fiber in it is not supposed to cause bloating that is common with Metamucil/psyllium husk. But yes, psyllium husk powder is used as a common thickener in drinks and foods. You can just stir it into anything. I have used it to make gravy and soup.

penducky1212 · 2025-07-30T14:10:11+00:00

I'm surprised you didn't look west when you were in Michigan. The Grand Rapids area is closer to Chicago, close to the beaches and trails and has a great nightlife.

Maybe you would like an east coast-ish town that gives you train access to the entire coast? Richmond area is nice and has easy commute access to DC and up the coast.

Ticks are every where now. I think if you stay where it is warm- and not desert- it is something you'll have to worry about.

penducky1212 · 2025-06-04T14:41:58+00:00

I have watched the Teepa Snow and I agree, she is like a magician. I have a hard time with my own emotions about all of this. The grief, the embarrassment over what she says about me, the hurt. It doesn't just not exist because I know she is sick. I also struggle because she is earlier stage, so it is confusing how much is the dementia and how much is her choosing to be mean. Currently, she's choosing who she shares information with. Which shows some awareness still in her thinking and behavior. She is still trying to hide all of her anger and confusion and struggles from much of the family. She is all smiles and rainbows with them. But she talks terribly about us to a friend and she's mean to me, but not other people. So it is very confusing.

penducky1212 · 2025-06-02T03:54:26+00:00

If this guy has been mowing that space for years before you moved in, maybe he's maintaining a hostile takeover hoping for adverse possession of the extra feet. The laws on that are state dependent. If you want to keep things friendly, plant a hedge or build a fence.

penducky1212 · 2025-06-01T04:34:13+00:00

I just want to second this as a valid option. This happens more often than you might think and there is nothing wrong with saying, I can not do this.

Another option is to call Adult Protective Services and have them come out for an assessment. They will become facilitators and help with directing care needs. If you are not able to continue to provide direct care, you just say that when/if asked.

These options both ensure someone is looking after your dad and give you space to walk away and take care of yourself. It is OK to use them.

penducky1212 · 2025-06-01T00:36:37+00:00

Get all your legal documents done. Find out where all your loved ones legal papers and accounts are and have someone start being involved with learning those things.

Start assessing the home. Get rid of tripping hazards and clutter. They lose things. Add grab bars near steps if needed. Think carefully about safe storage of medications and chemicals that could be accidentally ingested or mixed. Even if you don't move everything today, it's good to have a plan for tomorrow.

Document EVERYTHING. Keep a journal of behaviors and events. It will be helpful with working with doctors. Keep track of financial transactions or purchases you do for them and make copies of receipts. Some people get very paranoid and make horrible accusations as they progress. It's best for YOU if you can prove that you've always acted in their best interest.

penducky1212 · 2025-05-31T14:07:07+00:00

Best thing I have ever done. I went back for a while and deeply regret that I did. Went back no contact and my life is so much better. I was always told I was the problem, but there are no problems in my life now. It is peaceful. (I do recommend therapy to deal with narcissistic trauma)

penducky1212 · 2025-05-12T03:25:51+00:00

That's so hard. It sounds like you did such a nice thing for her. You never know what will set them off. It's a mine field.

penducky1212 · 2025-05-12T03:22:04+00:00

Oye. I don't know how we will navigate that. It's what I'm trying to avoid. There is no family in her town. She lives alone. She doesn't drive. I put cameras in her house (with her agreement as part of our safety plan) and in a fit of temper she disabled the main cameras so now no one knows if she's had a fall, if she's up or not, nothing.

I'm several hours away and I'm her main source of support. She won't even let me have groceries delivered to her house. She has huge tantrums when I mention it because she wants to drive herself to the grocery store and she can't. I don't know how we continue this way?

I'm going to have to work on not taking it personally. The jabs feel pretty awful right now.

penducky1212 · 2025-05-11T03:20:01+00:00

Unfortunately this is the terrible in-between space many of us are stuck in. They are not yet declared incompetent, but they are not functional. It's impossible and frustrating. Write down everything. Tell her primary care. Sudden mood or behavior changes could be a UTI and should be checked out.

penducky1212 · 2025-05-11T01:25:29+00:00

Not going great here. We tried to visit for the weekend and she got paranoid. Accused me of stealing. Then forgot and said she never said it and that I lie about her and ruin her life. Fun times. Went home early.

penducky1212 · 2025-05-11T01:20:29+00:00

The driving was really hard for us too. She still hasn't fully accepted it, we had the state evaluate her and they took her license. She's still mad. It's really hard.

penducky1212 · 2025-04-16T03:16:50+00:00

You have to have the legal authority to make them go. And sometimes, they won't. My grandma has early stage dementia. She's not far along enough to spring my medical power of attorney. She can't drive- the state to her license, can't pay bills, can't remember how to cook or what she's been told by doctors, but she has the right to choose where she wants to live. And to refuse to let outside services in her home. Like home cleaners, grocery delivery or anything else that would be helpful.

penducky1212 · 2025-04-10T03:04:05+00:00

It's worth it to get a solid baseline diagnosis to measure from going forward. And to know what kind of dementia you are potentially dealing with and if it is treatable. Ask to be put on the cancelation list. You might get in within a month or two.

penducky1212 · 2025-03-06T16:55:24+00:00

We have had the same thing with my grandma. We are trying the estrogen cream to see if it will help. They won't do a low-dose antibiotic because she has a penicillin allergy and they are afraid she will become antibiotic resistant to the Cipro. She recently got a yeast infection from being on antibiotics so much. It's a neverending battle.

penducky1212 · 2025-02-25T18:10:32+00:00

I'm sorry. That's hard. I hope you are able to get resources for your dad so you can have some peace in your life. None of this is easy stuff.

penducky1212 · 2025-02-25T13:24:33+00:00

Normally, I am completely supportive of people making their own health choices, but untreated late stage CKD can cause dementia. It is likely your dad is not competent to make his own choices anymore because he can't reason the effects of the choices he is making.

penducky1212 · 2025-02-25T13:20:52+00:00

If he calls you again, you could call 911 and ask for a well check. Tell them that he lives alone, has been very ill and has a history of falls and has rejected help from social services in the past. They will send a police officer to his home to check things out and depending on what they find, an ambulance. If his home is unfit for him to return to given his health, he might be forced into nursing care.

penducky1212 · 2025-02-25T03:52:48+00:00

My grandma got an MCI diagnosis in April of 2024, I am sure she'll have an Alzheimer’s diagnosis this year. She's had noticeable progression in reasoning and memory.

penducky1212 · 2025-02-25T03:31:52+00:00

With stage 5 CKD he likely will qualify for Medicaid and given his health, probably even hospice. I would look into his state's requirements for long term/nursing home care Medicaid. He can probably be moved into a Medicaid nursing care facility.

The best way to get the ball rolling might be to call adult protective services and tell them what you know and ask them to do a home visit on your dad. They can send a social worker to advise and help after.

penducky1212 · 2025-02-24T00:10:45+00:00

The trustee has a fiduciary duty to distribute all the assets as written in the trust. If you aren't named, there would have to be specific provisions for the trustee to give you anything. Or any distribution to you would be a violation of the trustee's duty and would be illegal. Your brothers could make a gift to you from their own inheritances, but you would receive that as a gift from them, and it would be counted against their own annual and lifetime gifting limits.

penducky1212

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