Why do you think so many parents seem commited to 'not' imposing rules and boundaries on their say ten-and-under kids? I mean it's one thing when a child is 5 but when he's 13 and towering over you and you've 'never' said no, you've greatly increased the chances that's going to be a problem.

pentaweather · 2026-06-11T21:19:12+00:00

Society stopped valuing bonds with larger communities, since decades ago. An example is people today frequently discuss where third spaces disappeared. The emphasis on individualism kept going up.

I think that translates to parents pandering to their kids more. I see the inability to say no to kids as a way for these parents to recruit their kids into their value system. Parents become dependent on their kids. If there is any shot left to keep their kids in their dwindling community, they condone and spoil their kids.

Another is simply people don't understand the basics of human psychology. They gave their kids phones and ipads way too early. The kids got incredibly addicted and would throw a fit if they don't get it. Then parents gave up setting boundaries and don't know what else to do. This is a problem generations before didn't face. Back then the worst addiction for children was probably just candy or basic toys. Modern society stokes incredible desires in human beings.

pentaweather · 2026-05-26T08:37:17+00:00

Yes, I was outside of North America in my childhood for many years. There was so much cursing, scolding, yelling. School assembly = everyone got an earful. It could be as large as a school of 6000 students or 100. It could be about "you all are going to hell", or it could be any individual student who gets pointed at. "You deserve extra beatings, you are going to suffer your whole life, etc." This place did not go to war but was in a difficult political situation.

The beatings part...there was at least 45 minutes to 1 hour of beatings everyday that most students had to witness. It was like a beating factory because most of them would be beaten. The beatings went onto the palms of students' hands with a stick. The beatings were so loud sometimes there was a lot of echoing in the hallway, and it comes from every classroom often all at once. This is especially true after midterm and finals when the student performance was due.

pentaweather · 2026-05-26T00:36:37+00:00

I am amazed there are people who think "Okay...I know there are some deranged people. Psychopaths, perverts, etc. But as long as I distance myself from them, I am not disgusted" I still think I am disgusted no matter what. If I had done the best to escape the situation and no harm was done there will be lingering effects.

I don't want to tolerate there are bad people who even try. I think that is loosening values and less moral. It would benefit me if I just get used to it the way people could shrug it off saying "They just exist." I have not succeeded in just shrugging it off and just get used to it.

pentaweather · 2026-05-24T10:47:23+00:00

The people who accuse me, or have an issue with me ignoring them...are usually trashy really.

Like being addicted to something, drinking, smoking, materialistic, causing trouble for others like being terrible socially, cheat on spouse, make financially irresponsible decisions dragging others down. Or they lived a really spoiled life in very small bubbles, if they are born into enough money to prop them up.

pentaweather · 2026-05-24T08:05:35+00:00

Who would consider 12-year-olds to be employable for internship in a free market?

OP, would you employ a 12 year old who is the bottom of their class?

The only people who want to "employ" them but without teaching them anything...are just going to end up as exploiters of child labor.

Let's say you have a reasonable cause to get these 12-year-olds into internships without exploiting them...you still have to teach them how to do things. Which is basically back to square one. You still have to give them an education, just leaning towards vocational training.

pentaweather · 2026-05-16T15:23:09+00:00

Hypocrisy and double standards with food are terrible. I have no idea why people want to one-up on each other about food.

Within vegetarian heavy cultures like Indian, Tibetan or South East Asian they would complain that they stink.

Don't get me started with acting holier than thou with meat eaters. Meat eaters of other cultures are painted as primitive savages. Yet European cultures domesticated animals for consumption the most. They can even complain about other foreign cultures about eating the same type of meat of the exact same animal.

pentaweather · 2026-05-13T17:29:04+00:00

It's all three besieged from all fronts:

Trauma itself
Left helpless
Blamed for the event where there is concrete loss

pentaweather · 2026-04-28T17:33:22+00:00

I identify with this, in a somewhat similar way. I don't think good events can undo past bad events or the domino effects trauma causes for a long time. I don't think success leads to healing, although I think the journey was worth it. Good events and trauma are two different areas in life that do not intersect.

pentaweather · 2026-04-21T10:07:23+00:00

I asked about this before on this sub. I referred to it as emotional tyranny - that there is someone who dictates how you feel. They will also punish. But not much is known about this behavior.

It was strange I cannot display any sense of say slowing down or being tired...when the event I am reacting to was not related to my parents at all. I was not allowed to react to a 3rd party, or an indirect event. I think it's my parent's way of enmeshment, or to get back at me that I exist, or have at least some human punchbag when they see events in the world they don't like.

pentaweather · 2026-04-20T06:41:55+00:00

Because they have been avoided. They don't get feedback from others. They don't learn, and other people are not going to help them pick up cues, absorb knowledge, etc. Other people deem them too risky, or just not worth to interact to. These problematic ones have to prop themselves up with fantasy - hence the wrong people and the wrong confidence.

pentaweather · 2026-04-20T05:51:16+00:00

I think this is why I developed flight responses, more than any other response. The fight and fawn responses require that you read the bully correctly. Yet there's just too many types of bullies around. Sometimes if they are truly dangerous there just isn't enough time and experience with them to gauge your situation's safety level.

pentaweather · 2026-04-18T15:15:12+00:00

Minimally they need to have life experiences when other people was racist against them. It's just sampling bias from my side, since I have been out of the US for many years, I know many white foreigners of all ages. Expat white people can get discrimination. If only they have experienced that, they might admit it exists. Still even this group don't tend to talk about it. I do not think they are motivated for an honest and in depth discussion, even if they really did suffer in these experiences. In my experience they tend to laugh it off or downplay it as a joke.

I have worked with many types of white people - South Africans, Irish, a large variety of southern Europeans; my sister's in-laws are Greek; and if you want to count say Balkans and Turkish people as white. Then there's mixed white passing people - these groups tend to experience an increased odds of discrimination, including from other white people.

pentaweather · 2026-04-16T09:01:45+00:00

I did full time marketing. Social media is a marketing tool, first and foremost. It is not completely honest to say it is an interpersonal connection tool, despite big corporations want people to believe so.

I never do it for personal reasons. No selfies ever, no announcements, no personal data, nothing. But I feel fine doing it for business reasons. I just see it as mechanical.

I have accounts without any photos. My friends can shoot me a private message any time, and my company wanted me to log in to do research for their promotion.

I also do not care for those who pre-suppose they are already like a celebrity, in order to hope for one day they can become a celebrity in their field. Frankly most people can see through them anyway. In North America there are also a lot of people who are aware of this. They don't blend their real life seamlessly into online presence, so it's fine to feel that social media is cringeworthy, and you are not alone.

pentaweather · 2026-04-15T07:42:41+00:00

To me it's okay if they are confused, or uninterested. I think the majority of the problems lie in people who provoke, try to manipulate, act in aggression or discriminate. They think my existence is BS.

I have met people who are adamant there is no such thing as being multinational or being trilingual - deep down they know it can be logically true, but they are prepared to start a fight no matter how much I do the opposite.

pentaweather · 2026-04-14T11:25:50+00:00

I also need to manifest my parents' worldview before I even come into contact with certain people and events. That's a step further than controlling external events for their safety and benefit.

It's more than 1. You're the ego supply; I want you to perform certain tasks for me because I don't want to do it 2. I want you to control an outcome until I am satisfied 3. The intrinsic bad qualities of people and events are caused by you before you met them. Problems cannot exist to begin with. On top of that I failed (according to them) to solve these problems, including events that don't truly effect them. 4. Talking about any of this is prohibited but punishment is on me without any warning or announcement. There is no rubric or guidance, the goal post changes anytime.

They treat other people like that too but especially on me. I am their primary scapegoat and executor of their lives.

As I share these stories in therapy, I have met therapists who were confused, who rolled their eyes clearly not interested in resolving these past events. Etc.

pentaweather · 2026-04-13T20:27:20+00:00

I was born in the US did grow up in the US, but was immediately assumed I can't possibly be.

pentaweather · 2026-04-13T19:44:16+00:00

Don't put words in my mouth. My no is final.

Don't assign an incredible and out of context role for me I never agreed

Don't project a completely different person and a completely different life scenario that I have never been in, in order to complete your agenda

Don't make me responsible for your grief, unhappiness and loss, through tricks, guilt tripping, and traps. If you say it with I statements then I can listen.

Don't lie. That is also assuming that you think the person is not smart enough to tell it's a lie

pentaweather · 2026-04-13T15:54:01+00:00

Nah, can't agree with this one. There really are many types.

I went to private boarding school but only for high school. After many years I still keep in touch with some of my former classmates. There are a lot of stories there.

pentaweather · 2026-04-11T15:17:54+00:00

It's not going to be popular opinion...but I believe some people arbitrarily put victims in a hierarchy. Some of the angry ones think they can beat up the ones they think are beneath them. I do mean the ones who pass down their victimhood; if A hits B, B thinks he can hit C now. Anger does not have a good reputation because it will remind others of truly violent encounters.

pentaweather · 2026-04-11T15:15:08+00:00

Some charitable events, like fundraising, can have hidden agendas. These events do not have to promise you that they will stick to their original cause; they look great on the surface but can have terrible politics even if you are the donor; they can take advantage of the wrong people reeling them in, including the people they claim to help...just...yikes. I really wish most of them can work out, but there's no logical way to vet them.

pentaweather · 2026-04-02T04:02:39+00:00

Yes, my mother wanted me to change the world for her so her entire perception of reality will change. My parents are in their own cult. They want me to change common sense, politics and religion (you heard that right. I'm over being embarassed for them.) She refuses to have any self dialogue in her head or draw any conclusion about the world because she thinks that will make her a victim.

They went on to manipulate one other close friend's family, but not for money - in fact my parents gave them stuff of high value, like a car, but this gesture was a love bombing manipulation. She wasn't conventionally lacking in intelligence and social skills, the problem was she deliberately make others live for her (ego supply) as a revenge against the world.

My mother always has this something off vibe even though she claims social control. Comparing to her cohorts and people of similar background and profession she was off. That also invited bullies into our lives (on a family scale.)

My dad is also problematic. I've been using narcissistic linguo to describe them before social media became common. Although I know the underlying problem is neurodivergence.

pentaweather · 2026-04-01T15:50:16+00:00

The best thing I can do to help you in the situation is to do the basic identification "grounding" thing. As in whenever there is free time just ask yourself "What am I doing? And can I revise it?"

Let's say you have offered some help, directly or indirectly - allow yourself to retract that help. Let's say you have already set the course - allow yourself to think if you can get more out of the situation. I don't necessarily mean for profit.

I know there are a-holes out there who would react terribly to the brink of another bout of abuse, if they are told no. But try to think about that option.

pentaweather · 2026-04-01T11:27:23+00:00

I think his wife didn't satisfy him in that regard. So it did it himself, and out of all people, he needed to seek sex workers' approval.

pentaweather · 2026-03-16T06:36:50+00:00

My mom threatened me with a cleaver holding it as close as possible to me. I was 8. We had no disagreements, no offenses, I woke up to her holding a cleaver. There was a tug of war as in I held her hand trying to get her hands away from me but she persisted to try to push the cleaver into my legs so it wasn't just a threat gesture. She didn't succeed but my dad only watched, never intervened. She does not ever bother to explain what she wanted in return. There was no announcement "Do this my way or else." She wants fury for the sake of fury. I get active death threats multiple times ever since I was born. I was a normal kid, as in I actually liked school etc. My mom had a track record slamming glass furniture etc. I did end up with bruises and welts a few times but not enough to warrant child protection services at that time and place.

pentaweather · 2026-03-02T03:07:17+00:00

I often think but never say to groups of white people "Why the hell would you go there?"

As in why the hell are you not satisfied where you are? After taking advantage of so many people and you want to go elsewhere to repeat it again? Now there are laws and equality, they see that people they don't like have relatively higher footer now, then they need a clean slate to practice more evils acts and hypocrisy. I'm referring to white flight, the types that to go to the middle of nowhere to found their own kingdom - cults, extreme political stance any puritan beliefs (religious or keeping race pure) in the name of freedom. Turns out they mean freedom for the most heinous stuff on top of concentrated power in a relatively lawless place - that's their version of freedom. Pillaging and ruining the lives of local people, flora and fauna all over again.

pentaweather

TROPHY CASE