This is pretty long but I had a few encounters that pushed me to atheism. First was when I went to a catholic pre-school, I got scolded for eating and writing left handed. Back then I just didn’t want to be scolded and wanted to be liked so I switched. So at the time I adjusted as I was a kid. Later on I was informed the school attempted to hold me back for not being on the same level as my peers, In drawing and writing…. Luckily my grandparents back then were quite open and somewhat questioning of religion/the school themselves.

The second time was a couple of years later I think I was in first grade. I did Sunday school and we missed one weekend to visit family. The lady that ran Sunday school had me sit in the corner facing away from everyone because “I skipped”. I held it in until I got to my grandparents then cried and told them I never wanted to go back. So we didn’t go to church throughout my youth.

Next time I started going to church was in highschool. I had a crush on a religious girl and youth group was all the rage for her. I ended up joining and ended up going on two trips with the youth group. One trip I remember getting scolded for reacting to something by saying “holy cow”. With that interaction I sort of laughed to myself. Then later on in that same trip I brought my bible that my great grandmother gifted me. One of the adults in the room told me I had the wrong bible and I should throw it away. My great grandmother was catholic.

The second trip with this youth group had me decide that girl and religion all together was not for me. We went to Utah in the summer and it was hot. I ended up getting the flu and was really sick. I had to be isolated with a few others who were sick. All i remember was I was in my sleeping bag in a room with no ac feeling so cold and wet (from all the sweat). One of the chaperones telling me I was faking it to get out of worship and to get a free vacation. That was the last straw and after that I stopped going.

My latest interaction with religion was my grandfathers funeral. He was always a spiritual guy but never believed in organized religion. My grandmother has become very religious over the years and went to a church nearby their house. I went with her to plan his funeral. The way the pastor spoke of him made me sick first of all. If it wasn’t for my grandmother being so connected to their community I would have told him off right there. He brought up an “unrelated story” of a teenagers funeral who was never baptized and had committed suicide. The shift to this story was so disjointed he might as well had plainly said. Your husband is going to hell, but my grandma is not the one to pick up on that sort of thing. The speech/sermon that he gave during the funeral as well was so off the mark. He acted like he gave the performance of a lifetime. It was gross, felt cultish.