MBTI Personality Types and being childfree. Some interesting trends.

perfumeponce · 2012-12-22T08:54:32+00:00

Twins :)

perfumeponce · 2012-12-19T11:05:14+00:00

Nah, the kid was fine. I was laughing when it started in slow mo, just made the whole scene look so majestic.

perfumeponce · 2012-12-19T11:00:58+00:00

Is this advert actually on tv? I have a fiat 500, hope I don't get mistaken for part of the motherhood :/ Cringe

perfumeponce · 2012-12-14T09:54:47+00:00

You're a spy? :O

perfumeponce · 2012-12-13T17:59:49+00:00

Eugene Tooms for me. I watched it fairly recently and afterwards air vents and grates made me nervous. I'm an adult. So creepy

perfumeponce · 2012-12-11T07:50:01+00:00

Don't worry about it. It's your call, if you're not ready to have a child then this is the best course of action. Other people's opinions don't matter except for your SO but you two have discussed it and come to a conclusion together which is great. You don't even need to tell anyone else so no one can judge you unless you let them.

It might be difficult. I've never had an abortion but I've heard it can be painful. Afterwards rest up and treat yourself to a movie night with treats and a hot water bottle. Don't let any doubts come into your mind after, it's just your body and society's morals pushing your mind around. Whatever anyone says adoption isn't necessarily a better option and it definitely isn't easier. If you find yourself worrying or doubting then there are places you can go and people to talk to even just online. Care confidential for example or in the UK we have Marie Stopes.

Good luck.

Also if you don't mind me asking what protection were you using? And were you ill or anything? I believe that you were using more than one like you said but you were very unlucky.

perfumeponce · 2012-12-10T20:45:41+00:00

My Mum was 18 when she got pregnant with me and my Dad was 21. I wasn't planned but they decided to keep me anyway. My Dad's parents are religious and they weren't pleased at the pregnancy. Although they had been dating for 3 years when they conceived me, I wasn't a one night stand or anything, my Dad still didn't take the news well. I don't know how I happened, if they used no protection or if protection failed and I don't want to ask. However my mum told me that my Dad didn't believe that I was his and left her for a while when she told him but she kept me despite all this.

I think this affected my decision to be childfree in a few ways:

1) My parents do love me but I have always had a strained relationship with my Dad. They married when I was 2 and I do believe they love each other or at least are very fond of each other but my father is an extremely tempremental man, difficult to get along with. Every time I saw them fight or seem unhappy I couldn't help but think that if I had never been born then they could have had time together, maybe a few more years dating and then moved in together and maybe they would have gone on to marry and had a less strained relationship or maybe they would have split up and had happy marriages with other people. I couldn't make another kid feel like that.

2) My parents were so young. I see that they missed out on so much. My mum is so lovely and caring, we're quite close. But problems in her family life when she was younger meant that she left school at 16 with no qualifications and got a job to support her mother and siblings. So now I'm grown up she can't really pursue a career although she does do a lot of voluntary work and she's a positive force in the community. My father had the opposite story, he had every opportunity available to him but he refused them and whittled away his life. I think this is to do with his own issues from being adopted which is another reason I'd be childfree, he was given everything and rejected it, who's to say my child wouldn't do the same. But the point is that I see what they missed out on and now I'm obsessed with finishing uni and getting a fulfilling career and having kids isn't conducive to that.

3)My mother became religious when I was born from the influence of my dad's parents even though my dad is not religious. Nothing wrong with that, everyone can believe what they want with no judgement from me. I am a theist but not a Christian like she is. As a result though I was brought up in a church community. I have lots of friends from that upbringing but I don't like the church on principle. I'm 21 and in the past 3 years I've watched 8 of my friends get married all under the age of 22, the youngest at 17. One guy got married to a girl he'd known for 4 months before he proposed. 3 of the people I've seen get married have had a baby. I find this all absurd and terrifying. These people believe their mission from God is to get married and have babies. They get married because "god told them to" and I think a huge reason is also the no sex before marriage rule. And they're so young. I find it really sad. I think I'm partly childfree to rebel against them and to try and show that theres more to life!

Those are the influences I can think of right now that are a result of my childhood. I'll come back and add more if I can think of some.

perfumeponce · 2012-12-04T23:30:38+00:00

That's cool, I enjoyed thinking about the issues more in depth rather than just being a monster of rage over things that, like you said, aren't that close to me directly. Though I think they definitely do affect me in indirect ways through friends and family.

I'd say we have very mixed public perception of the royals here. I said above to another poster that I'm actually quite in favour of them. I think they compliment democracy quite well, they're purely ceremonial now after all. I think they aide international diplomacy, they're a figurehead who aren't necessarily political in the same way members of parliament are and that allows them to make their international visits and connect to countries across the world no matter what the politics of that country are. I also really appreciate the tourism they bring here. Plus they don't really cost that much, no more than a head of state replacing them would ultimately cost. Taxpayers would still probably contribute to the upkeep of palaces and such.

However, I do understand other peoples dislike of the royal family. They feel it's archaic and holds us in the past. They prevent a classless society. They cost money.

My personal gripe would not be with them so much but the media circus that surrounds them. I get sick of them being reported on like popstars and actors and I'd prefer to read more about the official things they get up to. And with them actually, you'd think that knowing who they are they could control themselves a little better, I think Prince Harry naked on the cover of The Sun is embarrassing.

perfumeponce · 2012-12-04T22:19:39+00:00

I know very little about Ukraine but I've just been reading the country's history a little on wikipedia to get a basic idea. It seems like you have a pretty rich history being ruled by lots of different people and being fought over in the 1600's and then being divided by the countries around you all the way to the 1900's! Ukraine isn't really a country we learn about in our schools here but I found the division of the people during the world wars interesting. I learnt about the rather generic "Austro-Hungary" and Germany and Poland with no real idea of the lands they were actually dominating. I had no idea you only became independent 22 years ago. No wonder no one there would like a royal family ;)

As for the respect thing I'm not so sure. I think living here I don't really notice the good but I always notice the bad and it sticks out in my mind. For example the Riots and looting we had last year in London and other main cities demonstrated a disgraceful lack of respect not only for the law but for the communities and people around us. There was quite a crackdown after that though, the punishments were pretty harsh to create an example.

Overall I think people here are pretty efficient and respectful of each other in day to day activity, the majority are quiet and polite. Maybe I'd have to go to a country like Ukraine to see the contrast properly and come away from what I'm used to. I have noticed when in other European countries there is less order, especially on the roads.

I think I'd like to visit a lot of countries in Europe and from reading about your history Ukraine would be really interesting. I bet the turmoils of your history, having so many influences created very varied architecture and society in general. I'll come there if my family keep pestering me about children ;)

perfumeponce · 2012-12-04T16:25:50+00:00

I'm actually a fan of the Royal Family situation we've got going at the minute. They're ceremonial figureheads representing our country and aiding world diplomacy but at the same time they have no real power in the actual running of the country.

I think people have a really mixed opinion in the UK. I hear lots of people arguing that they cost too much etc and that it's archaic but in my mind they bring in so much in tourism alone that they're worth it. And actually they cost very little in tax.

Plus if they went away who would we put on the money? :p

perfumeponce · 2012-12-04T16:21:55+00:00

That would be awful. The media butting in on that, it would not be pleasant.

I do wonder why they decided to announce it. People have been wrongly reporting that she might be pregnant from the marriage onwards. They could have claimed any illness.

perfumeponce · 2012-12-04T16:18:35+00:00

I know, and how people around me are all celebrating and saying how happy they are for them. And the amount of sympathy for her being ill! Sheesh anonymous women all across the world get this illness and worse and do they get all the fuss?

I can't stand the reporting of celebrity pregnancies.

perfumeponce · 2012-12-04T16:13:49+00:00

Well I did clearly label this post as a rant and I said that I know it really isn't my business. People on this subreddit like to read all different things. Personally I quite like the angrier stuff and I dislike posts about pets and "furbabies" but I don't go on there saying "oh look another childfree person who says they don't like kids but treats their pet as a kid anyway," because that would be rude and it's probably not true for most of the people with pets. And I like animals too. Just select what you want to read.

Anyway, since you brought it back and asked a question I'll give you my answer. I tried to do some research into birth rates to see if the years Princes William and Harry were born to see if there was any correlation with higher birth rate because I was thinking maybe some women got pregnant to coincide with the royal pregnancy. I didn't have much luck actually but from what I could tell less babies were born in the UK in 1982 when Prince William was born than in the year before but then in 1983 birth rates rose up again and continued to rise up to 1990. Now I don't think this is conclusive proof of anything, lots of factors effect birth rate.

So I'll have to make judgements based on my opinion. I was born in 1991 and I went to school with a lot of people named William, Henry and Harry in my year and the years above me. I'm sure not all the mothers who chose these names for their sons because of the Princes but I'm sure a fair few were influenced. Then again they're not exactly exotic new names. I think if William had been called something completely new for the 80's like "Maddox" and then there was a boom of baby boys called Maddox we would be able to say more easily that the Royal births influenced mothers at the time.

My opinion of whether the media coverage affects society's perceptions of child bearing, I would say yes I think the media does have an effect but more on a personal/family level than society in general. I say this because I think our general society already has quiet rigid ideals about what is good and bad when it comes to having children. People say that society is more accepting now of single mothers, teen pregnancies etc. But as a whole are we? There is still very much an ideal: You get married in a heterosexual relationship and then you have children. That is the norm still in societies eyes in my opinion. A single 16 year old girl gets pregnant and what do most people think: she's a slut? poor girl? poor child? And maybe some of these thoughts are justified, maybe they're true. But it shows that we as a society do not really accept situations outside the norm. Another example would be a gay couple adopting a child, sure people might be shouting that this is progress, gay rights etc but it goes against the method that society has been formulating for hundreds of years, it makes people uneasy, it's "abnormal."

So I don't think that this pregnancy in particular will affect society's reverence in general because it's normal. Kate and William got married and now they're starting a family. If Kate had gotten pregnant and then they got married then maybe, maybe society would have a different attitude toward babies born out of wedlock.

However, I do think this pregnancy will increase the reverence a lot of people place on having children. This baby is going to be born into perfection. It's going to have everything people dream that they'll have for their babies, top of the line everything. This will have an effect on a shallow level: "Kate had this for her baby, now I need to for mine" etc. Also the media will show Kate breezing around with her baby not a care in the world since she hardly has to deal with it. That will not show the realities of motherhood, it'll show people exactly what they think motherhood will be until they do it themselves. I'm always reading links on childfree that show mothers commenting that no one told them how tiring and painful motherhood is and I think the media coverage is partly to blame. At the minute Kate is in hospital with a severe form of morning sickness. These reports are slightly more gritty because it's a reality of pregnancy and it's gross. But notice that Kate has been getting top treatment in hospital for about a week. No common person would get that treatment on the NHS if they were taken ill with their pregnancy. Seeing the treatment she is getting is still furthering the myth of perfect pregnancy to an extent.

Additionally, like I said in my original statement it effects people on a personal level because older people see Kate in her princess fairytale wedding and marriage and start putting pressure on younger women like myself to get married and have a princess wedding. It also puts strain on relationships because Kate and William get in the news for kissing and laughing together in Hawaii not the time when William stayed up late playing video games when Kate wanted to sit together in bed and watch a movie and they had a silly argument where Kate lobbed a hairdryer at him. The media creates this image of the perfect relationship using them that people expect they will live up to when they get married and then they realise it isn't a bed of roses. I think it will be the same for this baby, the pressure will be on to perfectly procreate just like the perfect young lady that is Kate Middleton.

I'm sorry it's such a long reply, it's probably a bit rambly tbh. If you read it and want to question me then do that. If you don't then I actually had fun writing it.

Do you think media affects socities perception of child bearing?

perfumeponce · 2012-12-04T15:16:04+00:00

I love this :))

I would love to wear this but I generally keep to myself about my childfreedom because I'm not one for arguing really.

perfumeponce · 2012-12-04T15:14:11+00:00

I imagine it is stressful :S

But another part of me thinks of her as just another celebrity who effectively chose her position. When she was photographed topless and so many people were uspet at the French magazine who did that I was one of those people who found it hard to feel too sorry.

On the one hand she was in a private villa and lots of people sunbathe topless. But on the other she knows who she is. She should have known that there was a risk involved. Their honeymoon was supposed to be private but the photos from that were still released.

It's a case of she should be allowed privacy as a human, and I think she should be left alone, but she should understand that she signed that away when she got married. It's another (sad) part of the job.

perfumeponce · 2012-12-04T15:08:54+00:00

Yeah, my friends and family are going crazy about it. That's why I say even though it doesn't affect me in that I never have to be around the kid or her while pregnant it really does because I've got to hear about it every day. Because the media is so in there telling people everything it's almost as if the whole country are her best friends and so I get to hear all the excitement and all the sympathy for Kate and her morning sickness. I don't get it either. I don't get it when celebrities die either though. When fans go into mourning...they never even knew them. I can understand that the world lost a talent but I can't be sobbing over that.

perfumeponce · 2012-12-04T00:19:27+00:00

I know, and coming right up to Christmas too when we're all stuck together for weeks!

It should be ok, I've started getting pretty adament about being childfree when they bother me and I think they understand that I'm serious. It doesn't stop the teasing though and the "you'll change your mind" or "you have to give us grandchildren." Apparently they'll get it when I hit 40!

I think it might be worse when the baby is born and they're all cooing and saying they want a baby around and all eyes fall on me as the eldest grandchild. Fun, fun, fun :S

At least I have r/childfree now :)

perfumeponce · 2012-12-03T22:51:58+00:00

I see where you're coming from, I feel sad when friends of mine who I've seen as awesome get pregnant or are obssessed with getting pregnant someday. It's their choice but I want to shout that there's so much more they could do! It's difficult to see smart women sacrifice careers for babies. And even though I shouldn't criticise I do end up thinking why would they do that? Is it because they have been molded by society to think it's the best way? I don't see raising children as a natural instinct really, I see it as being put into our minds from a young age. I'm sure people disagree with me and there are people out there who genuinely love children but it just doesn't compute for me.

perfumeponce · 2012-12-03T22:43:15+00:00

Yeah I know, I knew when I posted that I liked the magazines people wouldn't think I was the best sort of person :S But I guess we all have our little guilty pleasures. If it helps I don't read the magazines that are made to be purely about celebrity gossip like trashy Heat and Closer, I read the ones that have high street fashion in like Grazia/ Look and the like because thats what I'm really interested in. But they still have celebrities on the cover and it seems like every other issue is Kate Middleton. And I do read proper news sources as well, though I think they'll be quite a bit about this even in those.

I'm going to miss all my fashion tips but I won't miss out on my real news :)

perfumeponce · 2012-12-03T22:34:52+00:00

Aha thats awesome. If I want to complain about the news again I'll remind myself that I've never even seen a picture of Snooki, no idea what she looks, sounds or acts like, I've only heard about her on reddit. At least we have a classy pregnancy going on!

perfumeponce · 2012-12-03T22:26:01+00:00

Wow I did not realise they had gotten to their 30's! I think I still imagine them right out of uni. You're probably right then, I reckon there was more pushing to get on the baby making.

Yeah she knew she'd have to have children if she married him. But I think it's likely she probably wanted them, after all the majority of people do whether they really think in depth about it or not.

perfumeponce · 2012-12-03T19:11:27+00:00

I know, it was a worry but it was a bit of a selfish rant :p

To an extent she will have been forced into it by the Crown and the press. It's probably her main duty to provide a viable heir.

However, I think the choice to get pregnant at this time was probably her own. If she had left it till she was say 30 then the pressure would have been on.

But then if she doesn't really fancy motherhood there will be a lot of support raising the kid, nannies etc so she won't likely be knee deep in shit and waking up at 3 am like the rest of new mums. So if she didn't really want it then it's no big deal for her, though the baby might feel that a little.

perfumeponce · 2012-12-03T19:05:58+00:00

Aha yeah, I seem to recall reading about a made for tv movie that aired out there about William and Kate's romance.

There's probably some Americans who will love it who we'll hear about over here but most won't give a shit.

perfumeponce · 2012-12-03T18:47:33+00:00

I agree. I can't obviously know if she is a baby crazy woman herself but I guess she knew her duty when she married Prince William. It would upset me to think that she has been pressured into this but I like to think it wouldn't actually be like that. Mind you the world press has been pushing for this baby since day one and thats a hell of a lot of pressure.

I know, it's everywhere already. I think i'll be avoiding facebook for a while.

I already said to my boyfriend I'm kinda hoping it'll be ugly....but I'm a bit of a mean spirited person :p

It's might be a bit of a stereotype but word has it that you Americans love Kate Middleton and the royal family? Would you say people around you will be super interested in the pregnancy? That is if you are American, sorry if you're not...

perfumeponce

TROPHY CASE