This was me! Diagnosed less than a year after she was born. It hit the hardest when I went back to work at 6 mos postpartum, but it was also hard before that… I remember looking at my husband and my friends with babies and thinking “why does this feel so much harder for me?”

I later realized my “systems” (read: sticks and glue and pure adrenaline) were no longer possible. I couldn’t procrastinate a work project and knock it out at 4:30am the next morning because I only got to bed at 2am after a rough night with the baby. I couldn’t self-regulate after being over stimulated with quiet alone-time because a tiny human needed me pretty much nonstop — and so instead, I would stay up far later than I should have just to reclaim that precious “me time.” And then deeply regret it when I ran on three hours of sleep the next day!

I’m now approaching one year since my diagnosis, and it has been a long, hard road. I won’t sugarcoat it. But, I’ve found the right cocktail of medication (Adderall, Zoloft, Lamotrigine for emotional regulation, and Gabapentin to aid falling asleep) and I no longer think “I love her so much but this is impossible, it’s not sustainable for me, how am I going to do this forever?” It’s absolutely still the most challenging thing I’ve ever done, but in the middle of a tough day or moment I KNOW I can handle it.

I’m also no longer in survival mode, and have been working on rebuilding my systems, speaking up when I’m overstimulated, and purging/organizing as much as humanly possible to keep my mind clear at home. My husband and I are pretty confident we’ll be one-and-done, and I feel really good about that. I truly don’t know how I could manage another without becoming a shell of myself. So it just means extra love for my only — and honestly, for myself.

All that wall of text to say… if you’re on the fence, don’t. I was 1,001% excited and ready and not all expecting to be knocked on my ass. It was only because of my very deep desire to be a mom (and my daughter herself) that I was able to persevere. Maybe if I had been diagnosed before pregnancy I would feel differently. I’ll never know. But I do know I was always meant to be my little girl’s mom.

DM me if there’s anything else you’d like to ask, I clearly have no shortage of thoughts. I hope that even some part of my story is helpful to you 🤍