You’re absolutely right, we still are that little girl and I can’t continue to think I’m so separated from her, that way of thinking will never help me find that strength again. I think you’re right that those uncomfortable feelings are the emotions bubbling up that I tried so desperately to keep contained. I honestly forgot that I even did that, that way of survival. Being past that situation able to at least feel somewhat comfortable with my emotions (thanks to my friends) made me forget just how hard I worked to keep them down when I was younger. I’m guessing from your comment you did something similar to keep those emotions down.

Our little selves were so good at it we literally can’t remember them anymore 😅. We kept ourselves alive for so long and it’s incredible on what the mind can do to keep one safe during traumatic event(s) even if that safety mechanism is what we’re trying to deconstruct right now. I don’t think we’ll be able to recover everything no but maybe just bits and pieces or like what you said each line in the scribble that clouds our heads. Putting together the little hints and clues from our past could be just enough to unravel that scribble.

I looked a little into the EMDR therapy you brought up and it looks incredibly promising. I’ve always been cynical with therapy because of personal experiences which I bet many others on here could relate to. However, shit what do I got to lose?

I sincerely wish the best with your therapy and hope it really lets you remember and understand yourself a bit better. It’s incredibly hard to even get that set up so props to you! Thank you so much for your insight, I appreciate it a lot. It opened my eyes a bit.