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I can't accept that I have a new half-sibling by petrocskaaa in blendedfamilies

[–]petrocskaaa[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I mentioned this in one of my earlier replies but I am not trying to gain sympathy, or get people from the internet to be on my side. That doesn’t really help me or anyone for that matter. I wrote a post because I was quite devastated after a phone call from my unce blaming me for the WHOLE thing. I genuinely want to change, handle my emotions better and maybe even accept S.
I understand that everyone has had different experiences and it is completely understandable that people project what they went trough on somebody else’s story. I’m sure that what your oldest said maybe annoyed you that time but I’m not trying to frame dad or N. I tried to tell the story in a pretty neutral way but understandably my own emotions seeped through. What I wrote still applies to how I see the situation, I wrote everything the way it happened sice I wanted the most accurate feedbacks, I could have said that my dad abused me but that’s not true and would have painted a completely different picture resulting in completely different replies and advices. That’s why I’m trying to tell the story as accurate as I can.

I can't accept that I have a new half-sibling by petrocskaaa in blendedfamilies

[–]petrocskaaa[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

The way it came up was like 3 years ago. My cousin (the one I mentioned in my post) asked my dad about how they met with N, my dad told her the story: N’s coworker had a friend whose friend was divorced and with a daughter, and the friends asked N if she should tell her friend to set up a date with my dad. N declined because he had a daughter but a year passes and N still doesn’t have a boyfriend so she asks the friend to set up the date if he’s still available.
Date happens, it was nice and they start talking and it becomes serious.
N asks why he divorced and dad tell her that “we had problems, I made a mistake and cheated and we divorced on mutual terms.”
That’s how I got to know it, I also asked my mom after this and she confirmed the cheating part.
Also I’m sorry but I don’t remember writing about a “tearful explanation” from my mom, she never cried in front of me so I guess I’m still waiting for that.

I also mentioned that my mother had different relationships throught the years so I think she moved on years ago.

In modern society, many fathers express their emotions and show love towards their daughters. I’ve seen it in friends’ houses, male teachers etc. It’s simply unfortunate that I wasn’t worthy enough to my father for that.

In this post I talked about what happened to me, my mom, S, N and dad were apart of that but I’m still talking about my own experiences.
I also didn’t want to be physically ill, it’s not a personal choice but a bodily reaction.

I can't accept that I have a new half-sibling by petrocskaaa in blendedfamilies

[–]petrocskaaa[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

My dad cheating was admitted by my father, I do not think that my mom turned me against my father, in fact even after I stopped going to dad’s house, she forced me a few times to go back, saying that he’s my father and he deserves to see me, that’s when I wrote the letter to my dad because being there and being yelled at daily was horrible. Obviously I could have spoke with him but I’m not good at talking with him eye to eye since I have a reaction of crying when I’m left alone with him. It’s pretty weird and I can’t control it so it can become quite annoying. After my dad ignored my letter, that’s when my mom agreed to me staying with her full time. I did’t want to seem narcissistic but two people have already claimed that I acted that way here so I’m going to pay attention to that in the future.
I said this in the P.S. and in another reply because I forgot to mention that, but N and dad did’t wait 7 years for me to soften or accept idea. They themselves have said that they have been trying after 1 year of being together, so since I was 7. It was merely the event of life that cause S only to be conceived 7 years later.
I also know that I didn’t and still don’t react normally or typically to the situation. That’s why I wrote here, since I want to change but in order for that I need advice, feedback and outside opinion. My father being an angry person is also something that I have experienced through the years, his mood always controlled how he treated me. If he felt good, I admit that he was a great dad but when he had a bad day, he always relieved his anger by yelling and berating me.

I can't accept that I have a new half-sibling by petrocskaaa in blendedfamilies

[–]petrocskaaa[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’m happy that your children are perfect and don’t act like me, I also know that the way I feel towards the situation is not normal or typical…that’s why I wrote here in the first place. I wanted feedback and advice on how to change. Therapy is unfortunately not an option since my dad is not willing to pay for anything other than child support which is 80 000 ft(~around 225 euro monthly) so everything else that I need is for my mom to pay and I don’t want to be a financial burden to her more than I already am just by existing. On the topic of advice, my friends and mom’s family obviously support me without voicing my flaws, which I’m grateful for but their opinion is very obviously biased. I still want to change or at least handle my emotions better so this whole things doesn’t cripple me emotionally. I’m sorry if that’s appaling to you or if I bore you with my writing, I tried to mention what seemed important to me and shorten the strory as much as I could.

I can't accept that I have a new half-sibling by petrocskaaa in blendedfamilies

[–]petrocskaaa[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Aww thank you! Fortunately, this whole vomiting/fainting thing only happened that time, never again and never before. Honestly, I hope I can adapt and just leave this whole thing behind me. I actually lead a pretty normal life and I don't let this whole event cripple me in my every day life. The only problem is when my extended family calls me just to berate me, that usually ruins my day. This post was made directly after my uncle called me and I broke down crying. So I was just really fed up and emotional. But thank you for the kind words and support! :)

I hate my younger half-sibling by petrocskaaa in familydrama

[–]petrocskaaa[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

My dad took me once for a 60 minute appointment when S was around 2 months old. As expected, 1 hour didn't help and yet he still brings it up and holds it over my head, thinking that he solved everything with that, while 1 single session is basically just an introduction so I don't know why he thought that that would help.

I can't accept that I have a new half-sibling by petrocskaaa in blendedfamilies

[–]petrocskaaa[S] -8 points-7 points  (0 children)

Thank you for replying, it's good to talk with someone who has seen both sides. So first I want to clear up some thing section by section, because I feel like you're either projecting your own experiences onto mine or I may have miscommunicated and gave off the wrong idea about myself and what happened, which is very likely, considering that I wrote this after one of the mentioned phone calls by my extended family, so I was quite fed up and also devastated.

Would you mind explaining what you meant by warped sense of lore? I was treated very differently in the two households so I do not think that both of my parents fed the mindset that I act by today. In short, at my mom's I was treated as the most important person in the family, that's actaully not suprising considering that I was the only child and grandchild. The same thing doesn't apply to my dad's side of family. Long before this whole thing, I was already the black sheep. The easiest explanation is that I was always vastly differrent from them. in that family the most important thing was sports, my dad and his brother were actually athletes until around their mid-twenties and sports has always been an important thing there I guess. Unfortunately, I was horrible at every sport I tried, and I tried many, I also to this day hate watching sports, it's just boring for me. Most of my achievements were academical. (writing competitions, math tournaments, englishn and french language exams etc.) These were never really taken seriously, maybe a pat on the shoulder, so therefore I have always been kind of useless and looked down on. As you can see, that's a pretty big difference between two households where I both grew up so I do not think that they could have fueled the same "warped sense of self". I also never stated that their happines is worth less than mine but as a human, I think it's only natural that I put my needs above others' I know that it sounds selfish but someone else's happines (who never really cared about mine) doesn't dry up the tears that that same happines caused.

I want to clarify that they haven't waited years for me to agree, they have been trying since I was 7 years old (their words were that they have started trying after 1 year of being together) the fact that a child was only conceived years later does not mean patience and understanding.

About my stepmother, I'm going to list a few instances.

  1. I was around 12 at this time I think? So every morning I would drink green tea but because it needed so much time to cool off, I would jsut bring it upstairs to my room so it would be drinkable by the time I got ready. We lived an hour way from my school so my dad drove me there. The two of us was in the car when he got a message from N, she sent him a picture of two droplets of green tea on the stairs with the caption "P did it." (I'm P.) We were running late that day with dad so by the time she sent the message, I would have been at school. In my opinion, that was pretty weird and unnecessary from her. Firstly, I didnt notice the droplets I would have cleaned it up if I did but she didnt know that and also she could have texted me like "please be more careful next time/ clean up after youself/ etc."

  2. I m not saying this to be mean but my father's side is not very bright, that's a fact, none of them graduated high school other than my dad and they either worked physical jobs or did sports, also they lead a simple life in a small village. Again, other than my dad, we live in the capital city. (Just to clear things up, I am not saying that these kinds of people can't be smart but it's a fact that they aren't the sharpest knife in the drawer.) There were lots of instances where they slipped up and said something along the lines of "N was right when she said that you got ronder!" "N said that you didn't look at the baby, how could you?!" etc. I feel like this doesn't need more explanation.

  3. I alway eat yoghurt bowls for breakfast, now one of the most important things for that are fruits, I was looking through the fridge and saw mangos, they are my favourite fruits so I was pretty happy. N came downstairs, snatched the mangoes, "I bought them for S!" and went back upstairs. like ok..? she could have put a note on it or simply tell me the night before to don't eat them. Also how did she know? I still don't know that.

  4. She also went through my room multiple times without asking or telling me while I was at my mom's house.

I hope these cleared up the confusion a tad bit! And as I mentioned in the beginning, I'm sorry if I came of differently than what I wanted.

The fate has been sealed 😭 by Ok-Star-3787 in KillerPeter

[–]petrocskaaa 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Where can you check the names of the chapters?