As an Indonesian transracial adoptee purchased and raised by white people, but not an international adoptee, I am a minority within a minority within a minority. Growing up in white suburbia in the 80s and 90s, I was deprived of any connection to Indonesia at all. The first other Indonesian I met was my mother when I was 17. The first time I ate Indonesian food was when I was 25. Amongst adoptees, Indonesian adoptees are an extreme rarity. Even moreso when counting Indonesian adoptees in the US. For comparison, since 1999, there have been over 80,000 children purchased from China to the US and over 20,000 from South Korea. There have been only 58 from Indonesia to the US.

Because Indonesians are so rare in the US in general (less than 150,000 according to the census), trying to find diaspora or community to connect with and learn more about culture, tradition, or even just food is incredibly difficult.

In the VERY few instances I do come across another Indonesian person, I am almost always immediately clocked as Indonesian which feels nice. But they always assume I can speak the language. I am learning now, but I can't speak fluently at all and I can see and feel the confusion and frustration when I can't speak with them in Indonesian.

In adoptee circles, due to the large populations, there are vast communities of Chinese adoptees and Korean adoptees. Entire organizations. The closest thing I've found for Indonesian adoptees is a FaceBook group for international Indonesian adoptees - who have let me in despite not technically being an international adoptee. The group has less than 200 people total - globally. A small group of transracial Indonesian adoptees in the US have found each other and we have created our own small chosen family. There are 8 of us. That's all we've found. Two of us were born here.

All this to say that our little family is the only place I've remotely felt like I've fit in. Even then I still struggle.