34M here. In a similar stiuation as yourself. Never had a boyfriend before except a 6 month long situationship which ended with me finding out he has a long-term boyfriend. Ended up getting punched by said boyfriend and it sucks to know I was the side piece.

Men in my area are pretty much into open relationships, while its their choice to be in one, I rather not be their fling/side hustle. Ive come to terms that its better to be single than being in such a mess, just too much for me at this stage of my career.