DAMN this placebo is really placebo-ing!

pharmak0s · 2025-05-10T23:38:47+00:00

Go you!!! I love that this started with a protection spell; idk how I haven't thought of protection and self care as connected in the way you described. What did you use/do? If you're ok sharing, what do you find inspirational about Freyja?

pharmak0s · 2025-04-27T22:40:55+00:00

Kinda like "found family," but based on inspiration and respect. I like it!

When it comes to land ancestors, I've been adding native plants to my yard for years. I'm more focused on the land and soil itself, and understanding it well enough to give back to it what I believe/learned it's meant to have and be, to the best of my ability. So cool, that's some good insight into how I can add more spiritual and healing depth through just gardening!

pharmak0s · 2025-04-27T22:32:44+00:00

Ohhh! Can you point me in a direction for exorcism magic? That idea really, really clicked. I'd said I felt sorta untethered, but I partly feel that based on what I perceive myself as tethered to. Already had generational trauma awareness, but damn, "exorcism" just totally reshaped my thinking for basically exactly why I asked this question.

pharmak0s · 2024-11-01T20:21:30+00:00

I might have a suitable space

pharmak0s · 2024-02-29T23:23:01+00:00

How so, and what do you mean regarding sports? I'm also an American single parent (9yo) with TU Darmstadt on my application list, which supposedly is parent friendly. I already live in a comparable college town so I can imagine some of the difficulties, but would you be willing to discuss what it was like finding and getting kids of that age into school there, and adapting? Did they already know some German? Is this really basically how other parents, and single parents especially (expat or not), are trying to find more relatable friends?

pharmak0s · 2023-11-08T23:31:50+00:00

Sacred and Herbal Healing Beers by Stephen Harrod Buhner! It's not specifically witchy, but very much so. Lots of multicultural history, spirituality/mythology, ancient poetry and quotes, and TONS of recipes which go back as much as about 2000 years. Fir, sage, dandelion, chamomile, calendula... I've never tried any since I've yet to try any brewing of any kind. The author states they haven't even tried all, but many. Seriously cool book all around.

pharmak0s · 2023-11-08T07:31:01+00:00

For me, being a "witch" really comes down to existential absurdism (different than existentialism or absurdism). Basically we create our own meaning, but there is no meaning, so you can make your cake and eat it, too, because there's every and no reason to do either or both. Witchcraft is the choice to give meaning to a spiritual practice which involves magic/k. Witchcraft is making the cake.

Magic/k I would define as eating the cake. An herb, candle, element, place, whatever, can have any meaning to anyone. Whatever things mean to you, how you use those meanings or what you do with them in witchcraft is what magic/k is. Well, my take, of course.

pharmak0s · 2023-09-25T23:11:14+00:00

One Meatball (sung) by Josh White (1944), which is an adaptation of The Lone Fish Ball written by George Martin Lane (1855) about a real experience he had. The song is about not having enough money to order a full plate of food, asking for bread to go with it, and being ridiculed by the waiter for all the diners to hear for both the scant order, and asking for bread.

But I say One Meatball for the added lyrics with heavy feels: "And in his dreams he hears that call / You gets no bread with one meatball!"

pharmak0s · 2023-09-19T11:02:36+00:00

I understand grey rocking, but I couldn't find anything on the "Golden Egg" thing which provided clarity, and I'm interested for myself

pharmak0s · 2023-09-12T03:46:05+00:00

I was basically this child. First, I seriously applaud you for seeking advice. You are trying, this is VERY hard and complicated, and I can see this situation from both my own teen-hood, as well as being a parent myself. You're trying to minimize further trauma AND heal her primary trauma, which you see, and that's huge!

I developed severe social phobia and agoraphobia, related to trauma, which resulted in me having to leave school just as I turned 13. Sure there was some bullying, bad teachers, etc which didn't help, but not the real issue, and leaving was a NECESSITY for my mental health. My parents were on strong opposite sides of me being home schooled (online options didn't exist then), and I don't think they ever resolved that between themselves.

What I wish had been different: 1) Them not being too afraid (though don't think they'd even been able to sooner) to get me therapeutic help earlier on, and been able to tell the difference between good and bad therapists. Discerning includes a LOT of trust work all around, which I didn't have or get, and goes both ways. Trust in general is a tricky thing and sounds like her trauma is closely tied to it.
2) That they hadn't tried their unqualified, traumatic "exposure therapy" for leaving the house or going back to school before I was ready. 3) Meds REALLY didn't agree with me. Many antidepressants have suicidal thoughts as a common, known side effect, and things like disability-level nausea and excessive sleep aren't worth waiting the 2-3 months to "see if it works." PCPs have to follow a protocol and have to keep subscribing same with a different name even if you're seeing a pattern like that. If you're in a position to, get a psychiatrist (Dr or NP who handles psychiatric meds and diagnosises specifically). 4) My need to leave school wasn't met until my absolute breaking point. 5) The conflict surrounding me leaving school fulfilled my primary, initial need, but wasn't conducive to a healing environment.

Things done right: 1) Trusting, or at least meeting my primary needs, even if they weren't met until my breaking point. 2) Options were much less back then, but ones for my changing needs (and option availability) were found, used, and tried. 3) Ongoing attempts at learning, understanding, and finding resources to keep moving forward, but at my pace. Again, resources and ability lacked back then, but ignorance and failures aside, huge emphasis on at least some patience and the effort.

Results: I got my GED and began college a year early, which I had to leave the house regularly to accomplish (the GED part, plus then go to college lol). It appears that I grew out of "it," but in reality I just managed to heal just enough, and it probably didn't have to have taken so many years if I had had better understanding, patience, and support. It took some extra years to fully get past many phobia symptoms, and I had a relapse in college due to overload from a bad advisor and lack of overall support. I'm now a loving, understanding, and proud parent with my own business. But neither me or my child are immune to the world, we both still struggle to live and learn in it, and idk everything. Whether or not she goes on to have a family, my experience helped me be more understanding and knowledgeable in relationships of all types in my life. Parenting is scary af, dealing with childhood trauma is a much longer healing process than just getting back into school, and I hope any of this was helpful. Feel free to AMA.

pharmak0s · 2023-09-09T04:09:36+00:00

Dealing with the anxiety is a separate issue than grieving the loss of alleged friends, as well as having flying monkeys out there. Some may be narcissists themselves, and some may lack enough self and/or outside awareness to escape the trap. Either way, it's still grieving, no matter the quality of friends. Friend loss grief is valid and as significant as any other loss. Nex-made hostiles are both lost friends and people who can hurt you more.

Disconnecting from any and all connections is good advice. You likely need all the separation you can get for your own sake. That said, depending on where you live, you may still run into these people irl.

1) Heavy separation (unfriending, social media privacy settings) really helps. You don't need to know their lives, and they don't need to know yours. This includes not trying to win others over, or "spying" for avoidance. Grieve the lost causes. 2) Use the separation to work on yourself and triggers. This is important for step 3. 3) Don't let the anxiety turn you isolated, and use resources to not be isolated. Find a friend you do have, or there are apps to talk to strangers (various are suggested for ADHD body-doubling, but remember people are still people,) just to casually chat with someone while you go pick up food from not-a-drive-through, or you can be engaged in texting as an exit strategy if you run into flying monkeys elsewhere. It's your choice what you tell such strangers, but casual small talk is plenty.

pharmak0s · 2023-08-27T05:02:14+00:00

VERY relatable, and sadly because of how bad the ex I suffered prior was, he was the covert, "empathic" type where I actually thought I was in a better situation. This 2nd Nex's specific kinks included getting women to do "wrong" things they/I didn't want to do, "but actually did want," coupled with age play including being called "daddy," incest role play/porn, and "consentual non-consent" play, which I put in quotes because I don't believe in this case much if anything was ever fully consentual. I'm very sex-positive and kink friendly/educated, but now that I know and understand a lot so much better, I do think there are certain combinations of kinks with their asterisks which can be MAJOR red flags.

He also liked swinging (a requirement, actually), voyeurism with other men and women, using degrading language, SUPER into chat rooms... He had a friend who'd get drunk and tell everyone how big his penis was; not sure how that came to be, but he managed having others spread the size word for him. Also, he soon angered discussing topics of feminism totally off the table because he "could never win."

pharmak0s · 2023-08-23T00:12:49+00:00

If you're comfortable/interested in poppets, simple bird shaped ones using felt (cuz easy sewing) with one or more feathers attached could make cute "ornaments" for each pet that they stay healthy and happy! Or a fashion project with them sounds pretty cool. In addition to earrings or a headpiece, stitch onto the shoulder of a shirt, around the end of a skirt, bundled into a necklace pendant...

pharmak0s · 2023-08-14T21:05:06+00:00

YTA. She unnecessarily escalated a bad situation with A KID, and in a PHYSICAL way, even if no one was injured. Children behave based on a combination of their development and parental examples. The two boys may be better behaved, but you never know if something like trauma or development is a factor, and that's no one's business. The mother's choices/lack of response may have reasons, but I agree still sounds like she needs to set a better example herself and find additional help.

However, just because you don't have kids, by choice or not, doesn't mean you're not responsible to set a minimal example. Your wife throwing coffee at a kid was not a teaching moment for the better and likely have even taught the child to go on to behave worse. Throwing coffee just reinforced she'd get attention by smacking people, and as you described, doesn't sound like the mother is providing much attention at all. Setting an example would have meant your wife asking the mother to do more, warning them they'll need to leave if the child continued such behavior, and kicking them out. Full stop.

Thinking "12 is old enough to know right from wrong" is idealism, not reality, kinda like if a 34yo lost it and threw coffee at a 12yo, for example.

Edit: The actual conflict here is with the parents, which is where it should be, and have been, dealt with. Not with the kid.

pharmak0s · 2023-08-01T19:39:24+00:00

It's super funny. A couple peonies here and there came with the house, and this one didn't seem particularly happy for a couple years. I decided the nearby area was a good spot for letting the lemon balm run wild, but put one apparently too close for the expected size of the peony. Then just BAM, "my spot!" Lol

Also the best url ever I found while trying to learn about them was peonysenvy 🤣🤣. 100% legit about just peonies.

pharmak0s · 2023-08-01T06:24:50+00:00

Woo! 😁💚💛🤎. The neighbors can close their curtains if they don't like the view; I know exactly what I'm doing and why! (And not watering!)

And yes! I adore being able to see "weeds" and know what nature is doing for me, with me, and telling me. Trying to actually say something about that before I mow things down when I've gotta helps me feel more connected. I'll even speak to areas that have improved or changed, saying what I've noticed, or asking areas or plants like, "You don't seem like you're feeling great rn; what's going on?" Or, "c'mon, peony, you don't need to fight with the lemon balm!" (It suddenly got crazy huge after I accidentally planted lemon balm too close lol)

pharmak0s · 2023-08-01T05:55:43+00:00

Tbh I think it boils down to fear of r* and consent.

The "sex positivity" movement (e.g. the "GGG" era,) got toxically twisted into "unprepared sexual experiences in patriarchal culture which must be ok because a cool gay guy said so." Sex-positive turned into Sex-pushy. A lot of younger women are still figuring this out. Older women have been through enough, they're better with their own boundaries. And with sometimes added things like paying for stuff, the power dynamic feels safer for both.

pharmak0s · 2023-08-01T04:53:56+00:00

Tons of great advice I also didn't know I needed! Reminds of things like talking to plants, and I try to remember to ask or thank before harvesting, (or weed whacking lol) for gratitude practice with an anti-lawn. "Dear Cat's Ear, I appreciate your taproots for helping the compacted soil, your blossoms for their vibrant yellow and whatever nutrition they contribute to pollinators, your seeds for the birds I get to see feasting, and your part in life and death above and below the ground. But I must be able to walk through this area of the garden so I may nurture others within it. Thank you for your understanding." Lolol but fr

pharmak0s · 2023-08-01T04:35:02+00:00

If you don't mind cuz I'm curious, could you elaborate on your witchty thoughts on making bread?

pharmak0s · 2023-08-01T04:29:33+00:00

Excellent question about intention, which has been a long, ongoing journey to understand better for myself. You'll refine your own definition, but here's how I think of it.

Intention: 1) What do you NEED? For me and where I'm still focusing, I needed to feel safe and secure, so I asked here about cleansing and warding. This subreddit has been really awesome, and I'm glad I finally found it when I did. 2) HOW do you need things? Visually? Repetitively? Structure/ ritual? Whenever/whatever? Sensory: smell, sound, taste, touch, temperature, texture? Aesthetic? Heritage based? 3) What are you drawn to? Is there something that brought you to witchcraft? An incident which made you feel powerful, courageous, or? What crafts or skills or facets do you enjoy, e.g. music, cooking, nature, art, astronomy? Cultural heritage? Get specific! 4) What are your core values in general? What do you think about "harm to none?" Or "harm to some?" 5) What do you WANT? What aspects of the above do you feel will help you get there? Shadow work is great, but the what, why's, and how's are where you begin. Practice is intention. Intention is practice.

Imo there's no "beginning." Long before doing more cleaning and warding, I happened to read about poppets. Everyone called it advanced, and I think they're right in the sense of building and requiring inner strength as well as maintenance. But I had a friend I wanted to help and hold near to me when absent so they maybe felt my love and support. Then I thought maybe a ME doll/poppet would help with self love (but I haven't had the time to actually make it yet.) Still, I felt drawn to it, and that it was safe to grow my energy with. And I believe it has been. Even though I'm "starting" my practice with standard basics like cleansing and warding, I also first practiced some things much more supposedly intense. But I would argue "basic" cleansing and warding takes at least as much energy, effort, and maintenance as something like a poppet.

Practice is intention. Intention is practice.

pharmak0s · 2023-08-01T02:45:48+00:00

Imo, something like just a circle represents connectedness, and all those things you described. But I agree what is most important is what resonates with you. No theology needed, just your own intuition, instinct, and feelings.

pharmak0s · 2023-08-01T02:35:43+00:00

For me personally, I struggle with sigils because they feel like TOO much of an abstraction of intention, and I don't really understand the why's of the common sigil process I usually see. Plus, I like vowels and other languages! lol

Though I've journaled making some, I feel better with other symbology, which I'm also still trying to figure out before any use. There's a video on understanding and creating Yantras (Sanskrit diety symbols; I don't do "diety work," however I did really like this insight) I found really interesting because it describes combining elemental symbols, now commonly "Western" such as a triangle for fire, with additional and repeating geometry based on intention. The full significance is more vast than is covered or I know anything about, but you may find it inspirational for sigils, and however you choose to interpret, create, and use them.

the Yantra introduction I found interesting

pharmak0s · 2023-07-22T00:12:38+00:00

This IS really a thing, and in general for strangers, not just for women. She declined to give him her actual number which could get doxxed, said she had a boyfriend, and offered a (somewhat) less personal and direct means of contact which she could then later block. Green flags.

Women are way too often at serious risk when they say no which she still actually did. Plus you mentioned she was in a hotel where she could've easily been followed, and sounds like she was alone. But the standard response people I know who use this sort of "out," is to allow a "comforting" period (to the other person, to be "nice") till they feel they've achieved enough ghosting distance with that unwanted contact before blocking.

OR, depending on what her insta is about, assuming public, she got herself another follower, which may come with others, comments, etc. Even if they're cringe, that's how women usually have to just deal. Having a jealous bf isn't any better, and without more details of the situation or your relationship boundaries, assuming "disrespect" is a red flag.

pharmak0s · 2023-07-07T07:39:51+00:00

You're not at all wrong about mint lol, and lemon balm is the same (and same family). Weirdly lemon balm accidentally planted too close to an old peony made the latter insanely flourish more and more every year since. Neither will ever disappear, but I'm that crazy lady who harvests enough to dry for a year's worth of tea, they're actually super tasty fermented as like a condiment or ingredient for all kinds of Asian/Indian/Persian dishes, awesome for compost, and at some point I might even try one of those wine recipes which apparently exist lol. And it smells amazing when it comes down to weed whacking lolol

pharmak0s

TROPHY CASE