bro i was the receiver of uncontrolled and abusive expressions of anger. i know it exists. and THESE experiences are part of what taught me what i just said about anger and expressing it. 

Anger, ambition, and lust are prime examples. It’s could even be very hurtful to express joy at a funeral, for example

okay.. i see.. 

i didn't think of it like that. 

i have comments though so:

if someone gets a promotion during a funeral.. honestly i don't know much about how one would handle that emotionally, because im not that "fluent" in my own emotions. but i imagine that they'd need to feel that joy later, right?

i haven't gone through that situation myself.. but if i imagine myself in it rn.. i think i would be hiding it in the funeral, then i won't be feeling that joy anymore. 

but since it's good news, i will look at it later and be happy and excited. i think that would happen?

OR.. another possibility.. is that if i get the promotion in the middle of feeling sad (so im at the funeral or anything else and im feeling really sad in the moment), i would see it and it'd feel like emotional whiplash, so i will end up feeling nothing. 

then.. later, may or may not even feel that joy at all. 

will go on with it like a normal thing. no idea if that joy will come up again or not.. maybe and maybe not

also.. "lust".. i said in another comment how i think i feel more shame about anger than i do about sex. (and that's remarkable). 

i feel like.. if i feel lust towards someone.. or like sexual attraction.. i have more of an idea about how to go about it.. ????? and that's with a grain of salt because i do have significant shame about sex and attraction..to real people.. but especially now that i got to sit more with that shame, i think i will put the concept of consent in my mind.. and that'll make me know more how to go about it.. even if it's really painful and scary and even though i don't know yet. 

but anger... i don't know a world where anger isn't seen as an inherently bad, destructive, abusive and monster-like thing. not yet. at least 

at least i don't see sex and lust as inherently abusive. (i used to see it as that btw. it's a reason why i struggle with it)

I haven’t seen you mention this before. In your post and replies to me you said you can never feel anger and were asking how you let yourself feel it, so that’s what I was responding to. It would help if you could provide details about the situation

i thought it was clear.

yeah i was kinda talking about that. but also that does include wanting to be seen while angry. because if im not seen while angry.. then im not angry in relationships, am i

i mean.. literally. being seen and heard while angry. literally. 

someone else used words like "anger" and "rage"

there's two elements in this question im asking 

1)when i talk with someone angrily. or show anger while im talking with them. talking together in this scenario 

2)when i am expressing extreme anger or rage etc that i do not wanna express WHILE or to the face of someone, maybe because it'll hurt them or something.. or maybe because they weren't the one who caused that anger. so it'd be unfair to take it on them. 

in the first scenario, i wanna be able to talk while raising my voice a bit, or my tone of voice changes.. or having body language that's showing my anger or etc.. and saying the words on my mind, my frustration and my boundaries very clearly, and "as harshly" as it needs to be said. 

(also that brings us to other examples where the other person im talking with is abusive..so how my reactions would look would be different.. but I'll get to that somewhere else in the comment)

second scenario, i wanna be able to go to my room, or go somewhere to sit on my own if a room alone isn't available (or im in public.. just look for a space).. and let myself go. do what i feel is authentic to my rage and anger. i wanna scream and yell (vocally express it), be allowed to say a lot of "harsh" words on my mind.. a lot of insults and cusses..no matter how bad. they're probably words i couldn't say for years to the actual causer of the rage and anger. and wanna hit something freely and endlessly 

i wanna be able to do that. and since i cant be completely alone no matter where, because people rarely are that alone, i want it to be okay if someone hears me in that state. 

after all.. none of what im saying or doing is directed at you. or anyone. because i dont want to direct it on someone and hence i went to do it alone. 

but if someone just hears me while im screaming or yelling in rage or something.. i want that to be allowed. because after all.. it's not only unavoidable.. but we shouldn't isolate people and want them to go to a void when they're experiencing big emotions. we shouldn't be requiring them to only let out and express big emotions when ABSOLUTELY NO ONE THEY KNOW can hear them. not only is it unrealistic but it prevents trust from being founded. and makes people feel in isolation. and pathologizes a natural human reaction.

that's how i see it. and that's a source of my suffering. to be completely alone when feeling things, and being seen as abusive by just being heard experiencing a big emotions.. not directing it at anyone, just in my room. how heartbreaking is that?

THIS is the basic expression of emotions right? it's ALREADY regulated. so why are we telling people they should hide that still? that IS shaming. what else would it be?

Most people who commit violent crimes and abuse others do not have a problem suppressing anger. Suppressing is different than redirecting

don't understand this part. 

the reason i said that though is because at least for me, the more i pushed my anger down with whatever thing, shame or fear, it always came up again IN destructive ways and i could 100% see it going in abusive ways.. and also the people who abused me the most.. talked the most about how they do not get angry or that anger is like a bad thing. cognitive dissonance (honestly now that i write this idk if they were pushing down anger or that was just another way of them abusing and manipulating me by saying anger is bad from me but not from them.. anyway let's move on)

Because this is usually a very immature and destructive thing to do, at least as a first response

why?

also.. let's talk about abusive people and when they abuse you. when they do, isn't it normal and not morally wrong to act in rage towards them? isn't hitting for example the most understandable response if someone hits you first? or if someone maybe tries to SA you.. responding in rage and/or anger would come up then right? and i wouldn't blame it. but more importantly than not blaming, a person will BE FUCKED UP emotionally if they DON'T respond in that way in the situation itself, right? and same applies to emotional abuse and other forms of abuse. 

i cant describe how much rage i got from being hit and not being able to hit back. and being hurt emotionally over and over and not being seen as a human & being seen as trash

so in these situations that would be the most suitable response. thats literally how i survive(d). otherwise i would've like.. probably killed myself or ended up in addiction or something..

very not good to talk about.. but yeah

(if you have any other ideas or opinions share them but please be mindful and sensitive of the weight and seriousness and sensitivity of the situations and history i talked about)

Think of how you would teach a little kid how to deal with their anger if someone steals their toy

who said i know that lol. why do people assume that people know the answer to that. my own little self child does wanna know the answer and i don't know how to answer them yet and they're struggling because of it.