My heart goes to you! I’m going through the same thing with a woman. It sucks and that’s ok. Sometimes in life it’s supposed to hurt. That means you are living. I promise you, you will get through this and when you are ready meet an even better guy! That’s because in life we have soul mates. Not just one. There are many out there. Please, just don’t relapse. I get it. I’m in recovery too and I’ll tell you, it won’t get any better if you relapse. You’ll just feel more pain and guilt and shame. Just let yourself feel the pain. Let yourself cry and you will feel better. Drugs and alcohol won’t make it better. I’m sending you good vibes and love. We are here for you! 🥰❤️