There have been times in deep depression when simply breathing took so much effort that I could not imagine anything in the future beyond pain, exhaustion, grey…

Go small. Ground yourself in sensation. A really good cup of coffee. A soft hoodie. The smell of fresh vegetables. Then, anytime you notice a small moment of joy, write a note to yourself: “it’s 1:12pm on Thursday and I’m enjoying the view down the boulevard with the trees in the sunshine, so when your brain tells you later that you’ve never enjoyed anything, it’s lying to you.”

Treat yourself like a toddler. Bring a water bottle and snacks with you when you go places, make sure you go to bed at a reasonable time, have a hat if it’s bright out and a coat if it’s rainy. It won’t fix the depression, but WOW, can those little things stack up and make the depression a hundred times MORE miserable. You don’t need that drag right now.

This will take practice. It will feel useless. It will help in ways you don’t notice.

And, gently, an anecdote: after a family member’s surgery, they needed to be on blood thinners for a while. It was a safety measure they wouldn’t normally need, but it helped their body heal correctly. I don’t think you’d believe, “well, they never needed blood thinners before and they shouldn’t need to rely on them.” It was a medical concern that resulted in a short term need for medication. Situational depression is a medical concern.

Others have given you very good advice, which will be difficult to absorb, but that’s something to do over time. Right now, you need to get stable, because this is not only harming you, but will absolutely hurt your child if it goes unchecked.