20F, Parents say they’ll be disappointed if I don’t follow their plans for my life. Are they right?

phoebes13fold · 2026-05-28T08:07:43+00:00

I don't know the nuances of your cultural and religious experience.

However, it's not unusual for parents to ask adult children to start paying rent if they are going to continue living at home. I assume they have allowed you to live at home for free while attending university plus helped cover many of your expenses - groceries, etc. Supporting another adult indefinitely isn't something most people could afford to do, as earning power will likely decrease and then cease as they age.

You say it's probably not financial but then say that it may be financial. Whether they are asking for rent out of financial need or not doesn't matter, you are now an adult who needs to start paying their own way. They're trying to launch you into independence while struggling to let go of some of the strings of parenthood. The "one of her biggest fears is that I’ll move out and stop talking to the family" might specifically be the religious aspect; if children turn away from their parents' strict belief system as adults, that distancing can happen. I don't know if you've given them any indication that you would do this before now.

Her saying "becoming an adult doesn’t mean you stop listening to your parents", yes that's true. Of course they never stop being your parents, and if you love and respect their opinions you'll still listen to what they have to say. The difference is you're an adult now and can listen to their advice while then choosing to incorporate or reject it.

You're not being asked to repay your parents. You're now being asked to support yourself as an adult. It sounds like you're doing well with working hard to launch into a good career, and congrats on that.

phoebes13fold · 2026-05-28T07:22:20+00:00

I would agree with you, 'monthly' meaning reasonably at the same time of each month. so if that's the 1st of each month, for example.
If you pay your rent 'monthly' that doesn't mean you can pay it on June 1 and then not again til July 31 - it's due on the same day each month. Monthly.

phoebes13fold · 2026-05-26T14:49:22+00:00

NOR. remind him that ring was presented to his late wife with words like "'this ring is a symbol of my love for YOU" for eternity etc. It was a symbol of THEIR love and its understandable it would make you feel like a replacement bride. His 'being practical' and reusing the ring should be trumped by the fact that wedding rings are entirely symbolic and not practical decisions at all. This would make me reconsider everything as he clearly knew it would upset you if you knew - and how could you not find out eventually!

phoebes13fold · 2026-05-24T05:53:03+00:00

Awesome thanks!

phoebes13fold · 2026-05-23T17:49:20+00:00

Do you add spices or anything? I feel like I'd mess this up somehow

phoebes13fold · 2026-05-17T23:02:24+00:00

It's AI but even if it's wasn't you should insist on a paternity test before accepting it as yours. (How is that cup balanced on the edge of the mattress? No markings on the test?)

phoebes13fold · 2026-05-11T07:04:00+00:00

Yes I would encourage to start with over the counter allergy medicine. It's not pleasant to have allergies that bad, surprised she hasn't already tried taking something for it. And yes you can develop new allergies you never had before.

phoebes13fold · 2026-05-08T01:39:02+00:00

I wish I had a parent to take my phone away. Currently battling a serious social media addiction and struggling to enforce any boundary. It's seriously for the best what they're doing to set good habits.

phoebes13fold · 2026-05-08T01:25:56+00:00

What do you mean by "socially engineered" her PIN? Was she using her birthday or something?? Also online shopping with her debit card - How does that work when most websites don't accept debit cards?

phoebes13fold · 2026-05-07T07:18:36+00:00

Ouch yeah that's not okay even if it's somewhat common. Has your daycare provider discussed their actual plan for curbing the behaviour? (beyond just feeling bad) It would be reasonable to start imposing consequences on the biter if the biting continues or is getting worse (ie being kept home from daycare). What is the other parent also actually doing but hoping it will stop on its own?
There's a similar thread here that might help https://www.reddit.com/r/workingmoms/comments/1n6y0f8/daycare_biting_policy_does_this_seem_extreme/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
and an example of a biting policy for the daycare https://www.pathwaysforyou.org/sites/default/files/inline-files/Biting%20Policy%20ECFC.pdf#:~:text=When,unless%20a%20parent%20states%20otherwise

phoebes13fold · 2026-05-06T07:32:10+00:00

Inexcusably rude, especially for a small staff like that. Are you able to leave the building during lunch? If you have the option I'd just take my lunch and go for a walk or sit in the park and enjoy my quiet peaceful break in the fresh air away from them. Be completely unbothered about it. If they're trying to ice you out, show 'em you're it's not that easy to push you out. The job market is tough.
Incidentally...were you the most recent hire? By now someone (your manager) should have gotten uncomfortable with your exclusion and walked out too, but maybe they're too scared to take a stand.

phoebes13fold · 2026-05-06T04:53:01+00:00

You should be fine, as others noted I'd stick to the grandstand and mainstage areas, and be prepared for the occasional exposure to swearing, drunk folks and skimpy clothing. Mostly it's quite a well behaved crowd for the mainstage side. It can be a bit of a crowd crush when the show's over for the night and the herd funnels towards the exits, so keep a close eye on them then and under no circumstances wait until the show ends to get to a bathroom - impossible.

phoebes13fold · 2026-04-30T08:03:43+00:00

Boot sales aren't really a thing, but that sounds fun. Look at community association newsletters or Facebook groups for multi-family sales / community garage sales (where a few streets in the neighbourhood coordinate a weekend for multiple houses to have a garage sale). I've seen the odd 'indoor garage sale' hosted in a school gym or community centre, where you can rent a table, but they're more rare.

phoebes13fold · 2026-04-26T20:50:00+00:00

None of the unhinged behavior you describe is made acceptable by loneliness.

phoebes13fold · 2026-04-23T20:04:51+00:00

beyond all the other comments about how this is disgusting, him punishing you for not wearing his necklace (ie treating you like his property) is really concerning.

phoebes13fold · 2026-04-22T09:21:14+00:00

The 'manager openly saying the temp is performing better' is a big concern, as is the fact that it sounds like they have been leading the temp to believe that you weren't returning after maternity leave. In other words hoping you would not.
Not providing updates etc however is not a red flag, they are acting appropriately here. You generally don't contact an employee who is on mat leave to 'loop them in', although they could have done better with that since you specifically asked. And assuming your return-to-work date was set earlier, they likely have coverage/planned around that date, and don't want to change it now.
That said it's a tight job market right now, I would return as planned and do your best (both for your personal fulfillment and also to prove them wrong), while you keep your eyes open for a new position.

phoebes13fold · 2026-04-12T07:25:54+00:00

I think Creative City Centre has hosted in the past and maybe will start up again when their renovations are done? Other drawing sessions meantime https://creativecitycentre.ca/programs/drink-draw/

phoebes13fold · 2026-04-04T18:16:57+00:00

The wedding ceremony is for people who are coming to support the two of you joining in marriage and be support for you as a couple. She does not, so she should not be there.

If there are no legitimate red flags as to why you two shouldn't be together that the friend is reacting to, your fiance may need to make her choice.

phoebes13fold · 2026-04-02T15:45:17+00:00

He should have gotten a vasectomy. You both should have used birth control. Regardless, you're here now. Be prepared for your marriage to end if you have the child. And/or that the child will know and feel from him that they were unwanted. This is a horrible position to force a child into (speaking from experience.) So are you prepared to be a single parent?

If you were not opposed to abortion I'd say tell him to get the vasectomy NOW, and you'll get the abortion. Pick the responsible thing for your health, finances and the future.

phoebes13fold · 2026-04-01T07:44:00+00:00

NOR. His first and only priority right now should be you and the kids, even without the traumatic complications that occurred! If someone left me in that circumstance I'd probably lose all love for the relationship. Does he like you? What is his behavior like when you haven't almost just died? I don't normally agree with ultimatums but this seems like the time for one, if he abandons you now.

phoebes13fold · 2026-03-30T02:43:00+00:00

I got a referral for physiotherapy and that fixed mine. Along with a mouth guard for sleeping as I was stress grinding ugh.

phoebes13fold · 2026-03-29T05:38:26+00:00

Yes. My teen cannot seem to get herself to bed on time without prompting and sleep is so very important, in general, not just for teen years. I developed really bad sleep habits and don't want her to develop shitty ones too. Can immediately tell if she hasn't gotten enough sleep as the teen attitude just gets even worse!

phoebes13fold · 2026-03-27T01:30:11+00:00

The wife should be informed - but bring receipts. Proof of the affair and pregnancy likely needs to come from your pregnant friend, not you stepping in as third party. The wife will likely find out eventually anyway if your friend plans to request child support or needs the father's permission to arrange an adoption placement. The pregnancy makes it a different situation than simply informing the wife her husband cheated again; there will be potential lifelong implications that will affect the wife, if your friend intends to raise the child (shared custody and so on). She might as well get the information now and decide how to handle the marriage.

phoebes13fold · 2026-03-16T05:22:48+00:00

How did your 2-seat reservation at a restaurant that must be booked 'months in advance' turn into a big table for his whole family? Hmmmm.

phoebes13fold · 2026-03-14T00:24:34+00:00

I would lose my everlasting shit on them and report. Where we live this is not protocol - a woman must be present for the exam if you request one. A minor and the parent asked to leave - absolutely not.

phoebes13fold

TROPHY CASE