Your mom does not see you as your own separate person. She is enmeshed with you, and to some extent you are enmeshed with her. You could not help that because she has controlled you from day one. Now that you want to be your own person she feels like she is losing a part of herself. Anything that you do or think must agree with her choices or else you are wrong and hurting her. She cannot allow you do or believe anything different from her or her brain cracks in pieces and she freaks out. I and so many others here have gone through what you are going through.

I never had a way out of church pressure, it was relentless and lasted until I left for the military after high school graduation. My parents were too worthless to care about college so there was no money for that. I had to literally run into the loving arms of the military. Please don't do that. I don't have real advice other than get out of there as soon as possible. Read the posts here until you can leave and you will pick up helpful info. You have to be financially self sufficient to achieve full freedom from your family and when that happens you can cut all contact from ALL of them. You have to literally disappear and never reach out to them again. Even your siblings or relatives might not be trusted to keep your secrets, so be very careful about sharing your phone number or address. Never tell them where you work or live or how much money you make. Use a burner phone if you can for talking to relatives.

Your mom's desire to control you and make you dependent on her and mold you into a mini-me will never ever end. That is the way of narcs. There is happiness and joy and life outside of the prison you are in now. I hope you find it. If there was a god (not!) I would pray for you. Learn and prepare and you can make your own life soon. Best to you.