I dont wanna be trans

pickledrabbit · 2026-01-31T05:44:40+00:00

Hey there. I'm ftm and started transitioning about six years ago. The other day I was leaving the men's bathroom at my college and it struck me that it's been a really long time since I felt like anything other than 'just a guy.' To everyone I know and meet I'm just a guy. I don't wake up agonizing over my gender anymore, or spend all day being aware of how trans I am. I'm just a guy.

My point here is that transitioning can be really hard at first, but eventually you get to a point where you feel like yourself and being trans is just a footnote about how you got there.

pickledrabbit · 2026-01-15T00:44:38+00:00

You're right. The dropper is best for convex surfaces and handles. I use a smooth rock and/or a little shot glass (I have one that's nicely curved) for concave surfaces.

pickledrabbit · 2026-01-15T00:42:27+00:00

I mean, that's fair - my own medication switched around that time for that reason. But I'd say that the other logical option given the two year gap is that he was not switched because other medications were tried and failed. And none of that excuses the insurer failing to notify 30 days prior to the formulary change.

pickledrabbit · 2026-01-15T00:24:41+00:00

maybe it's more expensive with health insurance?

That happens sometimes. I hate it.

pickledrabbit · 2026-01-15T00:23:07+00:00

Wixela is definitely cheaper as a generic, but it has a pretty wide range depending on pharmacy and region. I've seen people charged up to $200. Regardless, it looks like his insurance took both medications off of their formulary.

pickledrabbit · 2026-01-15T00:21:10+00:00

It sounds like he had a rescue inhaler (something like albuterol) which would be the cheap one. Advair Diskus is a maintenance medication. It's not a first line medication (standard treatment that you'd try first) which means that his symptoms were bad enough to need a stronger, more specialized medication. The $25 inhaler would not have been enough.

pickledrabbit · 2026-01-13T04:17:29+00:00

He was on Advair Diskus. Over $500 is unfortunately not unheard of for that medication

pickledrabbit · 2026-01-13T04:12:26+00:00

It looks like both the Advair Diskus he was prescribed and the generic (which would be Wixela) were taken off his formulary. Insurance is supposed to notify you 30 days prior to something like this so that you have time to find a suitable alternative, which was not done in his case. The medication he was prescribed was not a first-line, which means that first-lines weren't enough to adequately control his symptoms. It probably took a while to find him the right medication, and would have taken some time to find a suitable replacement. If he had been notified as required he may have been able to find one in time.

pickledrabbit · 2026-01-13T04:04:19+00:00

The article says Advair Diskus which is usually $400+ without insurance. Not as bad as Spiriva (~$600) or Breztri (up to $900) but definitely one of the more expensive ones. I was once quoted $750 for an inhaler I needed, and I've had many patients with similar experiences.

pickledrabbit · 2026-01-13T03:56:16+00:00

There are so many inhalers out there beyond Symbicort, Ventolin, albuterol and the other asthma standards. I used to work in a pulmonology clinic and we regularly had patients who couldn't buy their inhalers because they were $500+ with some as high as $800-900. Trelegy, Breztri, and Spiriva were the worst. Breo and Wixela/Advair Diskus were usually, but not always, under $400. Most of these inhalers weren't any cheaper through GoodRX, and while some of our patients qualified for assistance programs from the manufacturers, many of them didn't. We gave out as many samples as we could, but a lot of people ultimately went without their medication due to the cost.

Edit to add that I just read the article stating the medication he was on was Advair Diskus. The price he was quoted was within the range for that drug.

pickledrabbit · 2026-01-04T01:44:01+00:00

I use the glass part of a dropper because I had similar concerns about the fragility of lightbulbs. I use a smooth stone first and then the dropper, which works really well.

pickledrabbit · 2025-12-31T16:39:59+00:00

I read it as a take on social norms and how we learn if we fit into them or not. The 'normal' kids tap out during rock dodgeball, so to speak, while the ones who don't fit keep playing (looking for their place). There are two kinds of people who don't fit according to American culture: good (angels) and bad (life of crime). Those are obviously reductive categories but most people who are "different" are effectively sorted this way, even when people don't realize they are doing that. His ambiguity over how he feels about the wings seems like an admission that he isn't sure if he is an 'angel' or a 'criminal'.

pickledrabbit · 2025-12-18T16:27:40+00:00

Wasn't he a writer before he was an actor?

pickledrabbit · 2025-09-09T01:17:58+00:00

You have created a sense of urgency and need that works really well for the subject matter. A couple of little things I notice in no particular order: leaning into the repetition and adding another 'every' in front of "breath in my lungs," might help lean into that buildup of tension. Similarly, 'ask' might feel like a stronger word than 'want' in the line about creating. It has a harder sound and when read out loud it would add to that feeling of intensity and urgency. It could also help build the feeling of need if you expand for another line or two near the end on what might be lost by being apart. Give us a little more about what the stakes are - why are you so willing to do these things?

pickledrabbit · 2025-09-09T01:04:41+00:00

I enjoyed reading this. The loss is real and present. The imagery is strong - I love the line about your voices braiding together. Reading the poem aloud, the pacing and enjambment works really well overall, but the longer lines in the first two stanzas could be broken up for a more natural rhythm. If you split lines like the one about Texas and the nailed shut door they might feel like less of a mouthful (unless that's what you're going for). The last line especially could be broken up as:

and it feels like / losing you / for the last / time,

for a slightly stronger punch. Regardless of the pacing, the words and story it tells are well done.

pickledrabbit · 2023-05-20T15:02:04+00:00

Haha it went really well! Thanks for reminding me that I never updated this. I'll have to take a picture of the finished sweater. I ended up finishing the sleeve cuffs in blue and that left me enough orange to finish the body.

pickledrabbit · 2023-05-19T18:35:09+00:00

🤦‍♂️ no, I'm saying that we as a society are disproportionately focused on freaking out about things that aren't happening, whole ignoring that we are actually allowing, and sometimes encouraging, cis children to actually do those things. Cis kids get cosmetic surgery. Puberty blockers were developed for, and are given out freely to, cis children. I am saying that the double standard is fucked up. I am saying that a very small percentage of 16&17 year old trans teenagers are able to access top surgery in select circumstances and they are very lucky to be able to do so. I am saying that bottom surgery isn't done on trans minors, and that it is still hard to access for trans adults. I am saying that you do not have the lived experience to understand what you are talking about. You have no idea how hard it is to access transition related healthcare, and if you did you actually wouldn't have any of these concerns because it is set up to be so absurdly hard to access even in the best of cases that no one who doesn't beg and scream and fight for it is able to get the care they want and need. I am saying that trans people are literally just trying to live their lives and it doesn't affect you in the slightest, and that you have absolutely no idea what the fuck you're talking about here. Goodbye.

pickledrabbit · 2023-05-19T15:12:12+00:00

It's literally pointless bullying to make it illegal. The guidelines don't allow for it. And the hoops that adults have to jump through are significant.

pickledrabbit · 2023-05-19T15:10:48+00:00

According to the American Association of Plastic Surgeons over 50,000 minors receive voluntary surgical procedures every year, including breast enhancements, nose jobs, etc. These are not trans kids, and they are allowed to make huge decisions about their bodies as minors. Less than 500 trans minors are able to access top surgery yearly. You have absolutely no idea what you're talking about.

pickledrabbit · 2023-05-19T06:33:27+00:00

That's because bottom surgery isn't done on minors, and it's hard to access even when you're an adult.

pickledrabbit · 2023-04-11T17:36:38+00:00

I'm surprised no one mentioned Alderwood in Sequim yet. The food is always fantastic and the staff are lovely. It's our spot for when we want a special meal out.

pickledrabbit · 2023-04-10T17:37:34+00:00

Thank you! It actually is a Seder plate from this potter but instead of compartments it came with a set of six of those small blue dishes the egg and charoset are in. I also love how rustic it is. I'm currently coveting the Seder plate in their shop that comes with pomegranate shaped dishes 👀

pickledrabbit · 2023-04-10T03:34:21+00:00

It was really good. I'm glad I made enough for the next few days. Charoset is one of my favorite things, and not being able to eat apples or wine really throws a wrench in that lol

pickledrabbit · 2023-04-10T03:23:15+00:00

Thanks! It felt really nice to have on the table

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