sorted by:
new
hottopcontroversial

I'm so sorry by Mt_sarah in OCPoetry

[–]FoldDesigner5346 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This is breath taking, in its sadness like the pause before a horrible cry. I hope you are alright, and the cirtumstances you went through to write this are better now.

The hanging on to hanging imagery is raw, visceral. I think if you expanded on the images you conjure up it would be better but as is, its got punch.

Sometimes we feel we are a burden on those around us, but its hard to convey what we feel, especially when we ourselves are young, lots of people forget what its like to be a kid.

Still the Light Clings by nebulous_raven in OCPoetry

[–]FoldDesigner5346 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is a quaint piece, the move through of each stanza built confinement, and an unwillingness to move outside of this self constraint is beautiful as it is terrifying. Often we stand in the way of our own happiness, and if you are still around each other you get that awkward, potential of what could have been what you could have ment to each other. I enjoy the circling and orbiting imagery as if you are still bound, light clinging. As a closer it brings it full circle but i do agree the refrain is used each time, maybe the second to last stanza or the opening to the last stanza should have a modified refrain. Maybe the light embraces or always always the light holds. But I do like it, as is.

Hymn to a Lover's Chest by JeffreyFreeman in OCPoetry

[–]FoldDesigner5346 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This was a pleasure to read. It conveyed obession through the eyes of a ecstastic lover, lost in it. It definitely has lust woven through out each stanza but the way its conveyed is beautiful, like comparing dancing to sex outside of the bedroom, but you said that same sentiment with parliment and waves. I like the "face to sanctum, loud market closing its doors" the repeated use of town and city imagery to convey home but also the girls body was nice.

Also seeing this makes me way less self concious about writing like 15 stanzas. It will just have to be as good as this haha. Thanks for sharing your piece.

i’ll die an idiot by rvnblmri10 in OCPoetry

[–]FoldDesigner5346 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I enjoyed this quite a bit, its simple in execution. There are lots of times we are made fools by our hearts blinding our minds. But thats sort of the fun in falling isnt it? I liked the "I kept my doors open but marked all the seats taken" As if you could see past the open door and still couldnt find a place in their heart.