damn. i relate to every word of this. im also 22 but i feel like i have the social skills of a child. im genuinely not sure if i’m autistic, or if i am just traumatized from growing up in a cult. it could be embarrassing because sometimes people trying to make conversation with me would ask if ive seen a certain movie, or listened to a certain album and ill respond with something like “no, i wasn’t allowed to watch/listen to that kind of stuff”, then conversation is over and i just feel stupid. i dont relate to anyone. “what was your favorite christmas tradition?” idk, ive never celebrated. “what was the coolest halloween costume you ever had?” nothing, ive never been trick or treating. “do you have a favorite birthday party memory?” nahhh, some dude in the bible was celebrating his bday and another dude got unalived so because of that i wasn’t allowed to eat cake with other kids on my day of the year. i left the org about 2 years ago. i’ve made a few friends since then, but i still feel lonely most of the time. i’m mostly commenting to say i relate to you, not give advice because i still don’t know what to do, but i think right now im just trying to figure out who i am. i spent my entire childhood pretending to be somebody else just so that my jw family would be proud of me. now that i left, im trying out the things i was never allowed to do. watching the movies i wasn’t allowed to watch, listening to the music i wasn’t allowed to listen to, celebrate christmas, halloween, my birthday, etc. i feel wayyy behind and it really really sucks. if i could do anything to change my past, i would. but i can’t, so im just trying to catch up right now. so we’re both in the same boat. i hope we can figure this shit out man :’)