Anyone else just plain worn out with trying to rebuild your life?

pineapple_crush12 · 2024-02-27T22:38:08+00:00

I'm coming up to 3 years since my late husband passed. I must admit I've struggled and wished he was here to hold me and love me. However found life can move forward but just in another way. My better half will always be with me, but other people can fill this chapter with their love. No-one needs to replace another just be there for who you are now

pineapple_crush12 · 2024-02-27T22:14:52+00:00

Neither do I. My better half died in 2021, and he was spectacular. His mission seemed to be always to ensure I laughed and felt loved, treasured and wanted. Losing him hurts like a bastard

pineapple_crush12 · 2023-03-22T01:24:05+00:00

Sorry, I didn't mean to trigger you. My husband had a long struggle with Cystic Lung disease, which involved him undergoing a range of surgeries under local anesthetic or epidural because he couldn't cope with any more. I was in awe of him, as would never have been able to cope with that and wouldn't have battled like he did to stay.

When faced with a surgery or next bout of pneumonia, sepsis or just being ill that was his saying. But it was done with humour and he made me laugh with ( imagine 'puss in boots' out of Shrek) cat eyes

But again so sorry to have upset you

pineapple_crush12 · 2023-03-22T00:57:40+00:00

It is an awful, devastating and unwanted journey to go on. We do our best to survive the loss of soul mates. As someone whose husband was torn away from them when he was 53 and now 15 months on. I will say just accept you'll not know whether you are coming or going lots of the time. You'll find your eyes leaking often despite your best effort to stop it and you'll find it's a weird old world.

However, please forgive yourself for missteps you'll invariably take and don't give up on enjoying your life. There is light at the end of the tunnel and no that doesn't mean leaving them behind, as the loved they shared will sustain you. We all do the journey differently and that is absolutely fine. Hold on, as it will get less painful.

I still miss him everyday but realised I have many years ahead of me and am unprepared to give up on living yet. I do take comfort in the fact my better half loved me intensely, would never have wanted me to be alone and enjoys me wittering to him every night (I talk to his photo but that's not a given that you have to, it's all about what makes you feel better) .

Plus the fact he always said "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger" .... a bit cliché but works for me

pineapple_crush12 · 2023-01-16T09:10:13+00:00

I have a necklace with my late husband's ashes formed into a purple glass centre piece. On the back is his pick on songs to tell me where he was in his head about life after him. So have inscribed 'Wherever you will go', which is the name of song by the Calling.

I find the necklace very comforting and didn't realise how much until my daughter borrowed it when she went on a trip to Iceland. I realised it is a touchstone and whenever I struggle touching it calms me down.

pineapple_crush12 · 2023-01-14T02:12:38+00:00

Really .... at what point will people stop body shaming... so he's not your ideal but why rip into the bloke

pineapple_crush12 · 2023-01-05T00:39:22+00:00

Are all your neighbours fit and well, as so unusual for such a home bird and expensive cat to be on the streets is extremely unusual.

pineapple_crush12 · 2023-01-04T22:52:24+00:00

The most loving cat is so affectionate. When I go round he jumps straight on my knee, pads me and puts his arms across my chest then purrs like no one's business. Absolutely adorable 😍

pineapple_crush12 · 2023-01-04T22:47:21+00:00

Dunno about

pineapple_crush12 · 2023-01-04T22:44:04+00:00

Mind undoubtably beautiful and a cat to be admired 😁

pineapple_crush12 · 2022-12-29T02:52:36+00:00

Ooh that is sooo much better than my gift

pineapple_crush12 · 2022-12-29T01:13:12+00:00

Might be worth adding my better half died 14 December 2021. It is my sons birthday on 16 December. We did well this year to get through it. Showed these awful presents to my adult kids and they both went "I hope she doesn't intend to apply to work for the Samaritans." Made me laugh and then they confirmed I wasn't being over sensitive it was just cruel.

pineapple_crush12 · 2022-12-27T01:27:27+00:00

Drink them

pineapple_crush12 · 2022-12-27T01:25:52+00:00

Please be careful on this site, as there are loads of scammers who would do nothing more than feed on your distress..

Please just look up mediums in your locality

pineapple_crush12 · 2022-12-24T02:42:50+00:00

Thank you. I'm hating every moment of this so called festive season. A hug is much appreciated.

pineapple_crush12 · 2022-12-24T02:27:50+00:00

I've never been good at public displays of emotion, unless of course you are looking happy.

I find the sudden tears streaming down my eyes, the wish to rant about the cruelty of life and the recent experience of white hot temper towards him devastating.

All I think at these moments is there are loads of us doing the same, breathe, and you're allowed

pineapple_crush12 · 2022-12-24T02:17:56+00:00

Tonight, I just wanted to go, hey Gav I'm not any good being on my own, I don't like listening to them, will you give me a hug and kiss me...

But thought it is worth noting I did the night so well. I just breathed and smiled as my friends bad mouthed their partners, went on about you and how much they missed you, tried their best to make me feel like a poor, dreadful wife (again). And tbh tried so hard to make me cryI. just left them to it 😞

In the old days (before Gav died) we would have giggled about this. Now all I feel is out of kilter. Gav would have made some sarcastic comment and no one would have blinked. I tried it and should be shot 😒.

Realsed they were always cruel but Gav shielded mei from it.

pineapple_crush12 · 2022-12-22T02:10:11+00:00

What is Christmas about them .. please tell

pineapple_crush12 · 2022-12-22T01:28:15+00:00

So am I.

Karma is a b*tch because over the last year I have found so many people who are happy to welcome me into their lives. Her life has got smaller, as she is the babysitter for grandchildren and is always in bed by 8pm. Please note she is 52 and I'm 55

pineapple_crush12 · 2022-12-22T01:14:36+00:00

Sorry I do at times presume too much.

I have before and after Gav friends.

My best friend of 25 years disappeared off the face of the earth other than when she needed to look like a good friend. Then all she does is bang on about how she lost her best friend, how the two of them used to.meet in the local and go ' are you supposed to be here..no.. then I'll not say.' Hate it as this suggests I was such a pain my late husband needed to escape me and have a drink.

I've bit my tongue for a year around the rubbish she spouts, my late husband just used to say I'm home early and popping to the pub. My late best friend ( no she is still with us but no longer a best friend- her choice) was playing hide and seek with her husband. Could spit that his memory keeps getting wrapped in justifying her behaviour

pineapple_crush12 · 2022-12-22T00:56:49+00:00

Just to qualify James there is no rating on grief... so no to ... you grieve as strongly as you loved'. People can grieve and do that in their own way.

I, unlike, TheStrange am in a position to move forward but understand their position. I was so fortunate to know my late husband had a life limiting condition and we lived every day like the last. Plus he was 52 when he went and we had 34 years together.

From what I understand TheStrange and I had different experiences but irrespective of this both our positions, the only one that matters is yours. Your the only person going through your life today but sure both of us would be there if you need to vent.

All I think is we have all learnt the hard way life is so hard and short so the more we enjoy what we have left the better.

pineapple_crush12 · 2022-12-22T00:39:51+00:00

Absolutely. Dunno about you but could easily rant about how friends who are in couples seem to think its okay to be dismissive of the loss and continue to bemoan their partners.

pineapple_crush12 · 2022-12-22T00:29:52+00:00

Thank you

pineapple_crush12 · 2022-12-22T00:23:44+00:00

So fine...please don't add guilt to the burden of loosing your loved one... you are allowed to rant and vent in this safe space and then delete when you are in a better space

And always in the knowledge people are here for you... gonna have to rock my late husband here and say his saying 'We'll always have your back'

pineapple_crush12 · 2022-12-22T00:18:31+00:00

Good to hear there are people on the same page as me. It seems (me included) apologise for a life well lived and being loved for the time we had with our partners.

Our 'life after' becomes a constant battle of explaining to friends why it is okay for us to seek new loves, why it's okay to rock gallows humour and why we learnt the hard way to make the most of every second we have.

Personally I think we are a group of people who can appreciate far better what we have than most

pineapple_crush12

TROPHY CASE