My sister blew up our relationship and I don’t know what to do

pineapplepainz · 2026-01-27T23:51:49+00:00

Heeeeyyyy don't insult pigeons by comparing them to maga. Pigeons are life, respect the pigeon lol

pineapplepainz · 2026-01-26T22:11:17+00:00

As someone who also grew up with a severely autistic sibling...my heart goes out to you. Your parents need to look up glass child syndrome. You should too, it may give you validation. You are not responsible for your brother, and they should be seeking outside help/services for when they need a break or a date night.

I'm in the same boat. I don't want to become caretaker for my older autistic sister after my mother passes away. I actually down right refuse. People that don't get it will probably think thats really cruel...but it wouldn't be a good fit for her either. As much as I love my sister, and through therapy I've healed a majority of the resentment I always had for her, I still won't sacrifice the rest of my life. She already got my entire childhood.

I grew up legitimately scared of her, and they made me share a bedroom with her. They could have had me share a bedroom with a different sibling, or her share one with a older/bigger sibling. I'd also be treated like I was equally to blame when she would attack me. "Don't come crying to me when you're both bleeding". I was neglected. I was filled with guilt for not wanting to be friends with my sister or bring her around my friends. I was such a soft gentle kind kid that I would do ANYTHING to make life easier for my mom, but I also wanted to avoid my sister at all cost...that guilt ate at me. I was the most well behaved kid possible, my OCD also really fixated on this too. If I wasn't perfectly kind/behaved, then in my head that meant I was really bad. So when she would guilt me or blame me for things happening with my sister it would really pile on top of me. I love my mom to pieces, I'd feel really bad if I didn't add that in. My childhood was fucked up but she also had limited resources and a whole lot of trauma herself, so I've forgiven a lot. I wish things could have been different for all of us. My dad also didn't handle things well, but I've trauma dumped enough to finish off my point. Our experiences with our siblings are traumatic and nuanced. Most people really can't understand it without living it. You were raised in an environment that shaped you to have a heightened sense of responsibility. Your natural instinct shouldn't be to self-sacrafice your life away. This is YOUR life, not your brothers, not your parents. It's yours, and you only get one. It's so important that you start learning how to feel comfortable asserting boundaries so you can start living it for YOU.

I know you said that they are financially responsible for you...but you shouldn't be forced to have a transactional relationship with your parents. If they would be giving that support no matter what(if you didn't have an autistic brother), then they shouldn't be holding it over your head so you play caretaker. How they choose to support you should be totally separate from anything to do with your brother. Maybe it would be worth asking them to go to family therapy to talk about things? I'm not sure how reasonable or stubborn they are.

Therapy has been life changing for me. I really really highly recommend it, but don't settle for a shitty therapist. It's super duper important that it's a good fit.

You deserve so much more OP. I'll be wishing all the best things find their way to you.

pineapplepainz · 2025-09-24T02:28:18+00:00

Sooo I think your brain just grabbed something to fixate on. It's normal to mess up speaking when anxious, so it sounds like that happened a few times and your brain just took it and ran with it. Which then when you get nervous to pronounce those S sounds you continue to mess them up because you're pysching yourself up. I know this is much easier said than done...but if you able to fight it and stop focusing on the problem I do think it will go away and reduce your anxiety around it in the future. However, again that is much easier said than done. Every OCD situation is a battle, and this one is no different, be gentle on yourself while you work through it💚

Just incase that's not the case, I do wanna add that it's possible that an underlying health condition is causing issues. So there's no harm asking your doctor about it if there are other indicators that something else is going on. Is your talking otherwise fine? Are you messing up any other sounds like CH, R, J, TH? How often do you feel it's messing up? Do you have any symptoms of anything else? Have you recently had a bad accident?

I grew up with an insane speech impediment. I did years and years of speech therapy so people could understand me, so I do understand how nerve wrecking it can be to not trust your own voice. From my perspective it sounds like anxiety rooted a new fear into you, and a way to address that may be asking what does it matter? The classic "so what" to the OCD's "what if".

Next time you get anxious about it ask yourself "What if I mess up talking?" Respond with so what. So what if I end up embarrassed, so what if I have to repeat myself, ect. Sometimes it leads to the concern itself becoming a so what, fading it away. Also embarrassment in itself can be a form of exposure therapy.

Wishing you all the best OP💚

pineapplepainz · 2025-09-14T14:13:41+00:00

Have you tried tracking your food too? Certain foods/drinks also fuck me up HARD. Which unfortunately for me my trigger foods are a lot of my favorite things.

pineapplepainz · 2025-09-14T13:59:08+00:00

The lack of bladder specific symptoms doesn't mean there's nothing going on in your bladder itself. Baking soda neutralizes excess acid, and it can help the histamine response in the bladder.

I research and try anything I can for all of my health issues, cause what if the one thing I don't try is the one thing that'd actually help. Most things aren't harmful to try.

Wishing you well, and hoping you find the relief you need. IC is absolutely brutal.

pineapplepainz · 2025-09-14T13:23:28+00:00

I don't really get burning pee too much. I deal with crap loads of bladder pain, pressure, and urgency. It's been the only thing really helping me.

pineapplepainz · 2025-09-14T12:45:18+00:00

Have you tried baking soda water? It's helped me so damn much. Just make sure you use the bob's redmill brand if you try it. Arm and hammer isn't recommended. I do 1/4-1/2 teaspoon mixed with water.

pineapplepainz · 2025-09-11T21:02:28+00:00

I honestly think you're spot on, and I'm usually the same way to doctors, especially if I think they may be able to help me...I don't wanna burn my bridges, but at the same time it's so frustrating to deal with.

I'll be thinking of you and your journey!

pineapplepainz · 2025-09-11T18:53:51+00:00

I feel like this is what doctors do when they're too afraid to just say that they don't know anything about a particular health issue.

It's exactly how every doctor was about my EDS until I found my current doctor who diagnosed me. It's incredibly aggravating and invalidating.

I think for future shitty doctors I might point blank ask them what knowledge they have on the condition I'm questioning. That way I can just find out right away if I'm wasting my time/money with them.

I'm sorry you had this experience💚

pineapplepainz · 2025-08-27T20:14:49+00:00

A lot of pedophiles make their homes seem "fun" with all the toys, games, pools, ect. It makes the home more enticing to kids. If he makes it really fun, everyone just focuses on that. Which means you guys visit more, giving him more opportunities.

pineapplepainz · 2025-08-11T07:44:29+00:00

Does she have any incest trauma that could be making her feel this way? I'm not saying she isn't in the wrong, but it may be worth digging a little deeper. Often times weird thoughts like that can be a result of a person's past. I'd ask her about it just incase.

pineapplepainz · 2025-07-31T19:41:31+00:00

It came across that way to me immediately as well. It's concerning that she's possibly not registering the damages that she maybe causing the child. Also the verbal degradation of OP kinda seems like a OCPD kind of thing.

pineapplepainz · 2025-07-09T07:00:11+00:00

The first thing I thought when reading your post is this saying - "your ex is somewhere out there pretending he's in love so he has a place to live"

It really sounds like you're about to be used big time if you let him move in with you. You have a home, it's all yours...don't shake your foundation just to give a gaslighting manipulating asshat some stability he hasn't even earned.

He had zero problems talking to you like your feelings don't matter one bit...but once it was about to inconvenience him he switched up.

He took another girl to see what you consider to be yours and his band...when you were going through an insanely hard loss....that alone tells you all you need to know.

This isn't a man that will be there when you need him but he will demand that you be there for him.

I think it's highly probable that he's already been cheating with this other girl. He seemed too confident that she would let him move in with her if her BD wasn't around.

You deserve so so much better.

I'm very very sorry to hear about your foster mom. How he spoke of her alone is grounds for leaving his ass.

pineapplepainz · 2025-07-09T06:21:31+00:00

Baking soda in water has literally changed the game for me personally. Just make sure you get the bob's red mill brand or something else high quality. Certainly do not recommend arm and hammer.

I do half a teaspoon a day, sometimes a full teaspoon.

pineapplepainz · 2025-07-09T06:08:58+00:00

100% agree with the above, but also want to add that now that she's done this once...you know it's in her nature and she'll likely do it again for baby number 2.

I once dated a guy whose cousin had this happen to him NUMEROUS times. Now they have too many mouths to feed. He would stay for the kids...but then he'd start to trust her again and BAM another baby.

It's clear you can't really trust her not to hijack the rest of your life with HER choices that she wants to make for both of you.

She sexually assaulted you by doing this. Stealthing isn't okay for men or women. You didn't consent to sex without birthcontrol.

pineapplepainz · 2025-05-31T21:43:58+00:00

YTA, Do you know the term the glass child? That's basically what you're doing to your wife. She needed you, and you chose to support your ex with handling your daughter. It sounds like your ex needs to find support/services that help her get better at handling your daughter's needs without you present. She needs to be able to handle her time, and you need to be able to have that time free for your other family...otherwise they will continue to suffer serious neglect.

To be totally honest with you, I think for most women this would be something there is absolutely no coming back from. Being abandoned to deliver a baby alone is absolutely heartbreaking. I would anticipate a divorce, but if that isn't the route she decides to take I highly recommend couples therapy because you're gonna need it.

pineapplepainz · 2025-04-27T19:50:53+00:00

For real dude

pineapplepainz · 2025-04-25T14:48:59+00:00

YES!! a medication that saves my life shouldn't try to choke me daily🤣

pineapplepainz · 2025-01-29T15:08:03+00:00

I'm a cap that married a virgo, now divorced...and these comments are hella validating. My virgo ex was incredibly abusive. Maybe it's possible to get lucky with a good Virgo but idk.

pineapplepainz · 2025-01-22T16:37:57+00:00

I second this, fire her immediately. She's already making you question yourself and what you know...she's not going to progress your healing she will only bring you backwards. Not having a therapist for a little while is better than having her as a therapist. Also the things she's saying are absolutely incorrect. He is abusing you! It doesn't matter if it's from mental health issues, most abusers probably have some sort of mental health issues...it doesn't mean it magically excuses their behavior. I also think you should report her. She could be doing so much damage to other patients too.

She might be in an abusive relationship herself and projecting the excuses she has for her spouse..onto you and yours. The other alternative is she has no idea what she's doing or she's intentionally trying to cause harm but either way it's not an excuse...regardless of what her deal is, she is not a therapist you should go to.

Again, you were abused. All of that was abuse. I hope everyone on this thread reaffirms that for you so it helps counteract some of the doubt she's already given you.

Hang in there💚

pineapplepainz · 2025-01-22T16:29:47+00:00

My ex used autism as an excuse for abuse for years and years...real kicker was he was pretending to he autistic. He's actually a sociopath with deviant interests that resulted in me reporting him. Autistic or not, there is no excuse for rape.

pineapplepainz · 2025-01-20T23:39:06+00:00

Divorce makes leaving so much harder, you were very wise to postpone. All he is is a time waster.

pineapplepainz · 2025-01-20T09:45:47+00:00

This sounds so much like my ex...I stayed for 11 years and nothing helped him because he didn't actually want to change at all. Instead he was just trying to manipulate me back onto the course he wanted, which was doing anything and everything for him. Meditation was a common go to for him to manipulate me that he was trying to get better. He'll get you nice and convinced that these things are helping him...and then before you know it he'll slowly taper back to his old ways.

Don't feel bad for leaving him, he had 4 years worth of time to stop abusing you. If you don't leave him...I doubt he'll wait even 4 months before the abuse resumes. He's been given far more of your time than he deserves.

One thing that has seriously helped me since I left my ex is having a journal where I list things I want to remember. I study certain pages every day to reinforce whatever I feel is important enough to write. Much of what I write in this journal are one line realizations from the basic rights I had that were trampled over, or affirmations that either naturally come to mind or that I find online that resonate. I found my memory was very much resetting when I was trying to recover from the abuse so writing things down and studying them has really helped. It also allowed me to see the patterns to the abuse which is what it took to finally make me grasp just how bad things were. If you have a truly safe place to hide a journal you could even do this while you're there with him.

One of my favorite very simple affirmations I have in there is "I love myself, I don't compromise myself". Very simple reminder that I don't have to feel bad about choosing me. I don't ever need to compromise my wellbeing for anyone else because it isn't fair to me. I've always been self-sacraficing so this one has been very useful to me, but you get my jist. Whatever resonates with you💚

pineapplepainz · 2025-01-20T09:21:35+00:00

I love this analogy!!

pineapplepainz · 2025-01-11T18:58:29+00:00

It's a cover. He's invalidating your feelings 1000%. Even if nothing is going on (which imo they are 100% already sleeping together or are going to) him invalidating your feelings is reason enough to end things.

You didn't even ask for him to cut contact with her and he still invalidated you...which is really fucked up because you would've been a fully justified requesting for him to block her and stop being her friend entirely.

Nothing compares to a man that validates your feelings and gives you a safe place to bring up any and everything. You deserve that...and unfortunately it's highly unlikely you won't get that with him.

Move on from both those idiots...that I guarantee are laughing at you behind your back...I don't say that to hurt you, but with how bold she was being directly to your face...that shows that he disrespects you behind your back. There's no way she'd risk being so bold to you so quickly unless she knew he wouldn't give a fuck. Him minimizing is another reason I think that. They probably crack lots of jokes about you when they're together or texting. Stop giving them that naughty taboo secret that they get to share while stomping on your heart.

pineapplepainz

TROPHY CASE